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[airball]

... A student who has attended exactly two classes and missed all of the assigned tasks, ...she e-mailed me to tell me today that her mom was first diagnosed with cancer, then she was in a bad car accident in which she almost died, and then she had to cook for the entire family for her "Italian Thanksgiving," which prevented her from participating in my class all semester.

I've replied to her and asked for documentations for the first two claims-

And once again the confusion of the reasons with the realities.  As a fellow human being we should be sympathetic for the reasons; as professionals all that counts are the realities. 

I concur. Whenever students present me with hardship stories like this one, I express my deepest sympathies:

"I'm so sorry to hear that! What an awful experience for you. I do hope your mom's radiation treatment is successful, and that all that internal bleeding from the car accident clears itself up soon. And you have my deepest sympathies for the loss of your grandfather. I know how painful these things can be and I wish you and your family all the best as you work your way through all this.

"I appreciate your regret that these difficult events caused you to miss all those classes, and prevented you from completing any of the major assignments. Naturally, at a time of crisis like this you put your family first: I can't fault you for that. It is too bad that you won't be able to pass the course, but the really important thing is making sure that you and your mother recover fully: after that, you'll be able to retake the course and continue your education. Fortunately, the dean's office can authorize late withdrawals in cases of extreme personal duress. Check with them to find out what documentation you'll need to provide. And please tell your mother I'll be pulling for her when she's going through the chemo."

Brilliant!

Be sure to mention that:
A) You'd like her address so you can send her mother flowers  and a card.
B) Your uncle is head of oncology at Johns Hopkins and would really like to talk to mom's doctor - do you have his or her name?
C) Where is your grandfather's visitation? Again, flowers say volumes.

airball

[fishbrains]

I've had three fictional dead aunts from Alabama this semester. The students should do some research and find at least one town in Alabama to name when I ask them where she "lived."

I don't why the students are choosing Alabama (it does my state). Maybe Alabama sounds exotic to them or something. Or maybe they think Alabama hasn't got that there internet yet.

There is nothing more passive-aggressively fun than giving a slacker just enough rope to hang himself/herself.

[gennimom]

I hope Alabama has internet. We do and I talk to people over there all the time!

Yeah, I feel your pain.

Students, research your lies a little better!

Or better yet, do the actual work!

[fishbrains]

I don't why the students are choosing Alabama (it does my state). Maybe Alabama sounds exotic to them or something. Or maybe they think Alabama hasn't got that there internet yet.

Sorry, that should say Alabama does border my state.

[octoprof]

I've had three fictional dead aunts from Alabama this semester. The students should do some research and find at least one town in Alabama to name when I ask them where she "lived."

I don't why the students are choosing Alabama (it does my state). Maybe Alabama sounds exotic to them or something. Or maybe they think Alabama hasn't got that there internet yet.

There is nothing more passive-aggressively fun than giving a slacker just enough rope to hang himself/herself.

FYI, you can read the obituaries from Birmingham, Huntsvile, and Mobile newspapers (three of the four largest metro areas) online at www.al.com if they will condescend to give you a name and general location. ;-)

[fiona]

Congrats to jwormold for having a great backbone. ("Wormold's got back . . ." woo woo woo).

One other point re encouraging students to drop if they're in crisis and/or slacker mode: they won't have a terrible grade point average trailing them for the rest of their lives.

Many students still think that getting a college degree, even with a C average, will get them whatever goodies accrue to having a college degree.

But there are so many college graduates nowadays that just having a degree doesn't open doors. They should know that.

The Fiona

[peppergal]

I've had a few students like this in the past...  I tell them that I understand what they are going through.

I also had a grandmother die when I was an undergraduate.  Of course, I went to see each of my professors in person, to tell them that I was going to miss a week of class, and when I returned I met with them in person again to plan a strategy for catching up.

My mother was diagnosed with cancer when I was in graduate school.  Yes, I went to see her and tried to spend as much time with her as possible while she was getting treatment.  But I also was in constant contact with my professors about staying current in my work, and everything got turned in on time or early, and I missed as few classes as possible (I think a total of three seminars).  (By the way, my mother is in remission and doing great.)

Telling my students these two stories usually shuts them up about getting special treatment after the fact.

[mystictechgal]

I've had three fictional dead aunts from Alabama this semester. The students should do some research and find at least one town in Alabama to name when I ask them where she "lived."

I don't why the students are choosing Alabama (it does my state). Maybe Alabama sounds exotic to them or something. Or maybe they think Alabama hasn't got that there internet yet.

There is nothing more passive-aggressively fun than giving a slacker just enough rope to hang himself/herself.

FYI, you can read the obituaries from Birmingham, Huntsvile, and Mobile newspapers (three of the four largest metro areas) online at www.al.com if they will condescend to give you a name and general location. ;-)

FWIW, my husband's obituary in the major paper in the area cost almost $600--for a one day listing.  His feature obit, written by one of the reporters, the next day was free, but not too many get that opportunity.  Thankfully, my MIL insisted on covering the cost, even though she couldn't really afford it, either--I certainly couldn't have; we didn't have life insurance after my job ended, and neither of us was planning on dying soon.  I didn't publish it in our local paper.  I honestly don't even know if it got a notice mention.

Depending upon your student's family and income, having an obituary published is not necessarily an affordable proof for them to offer any longer.

[mystictechgal]

Oh, I should also add that a single copy of the death certificate cost me $20, and it wasn't available for over two weeks after his death.  His autopsy results weren't available to me until 2 months had passed.  I checked at the Auditor's office on a reular basis. (And, fwiw, according to the autopsy the hospital he died at is located in a nearby city, which has no hospital, and he was "known to have a history of..." a condition that would surprise his Dr.; it was certainly never diagnosed, nor was he under, nor ever had been under, treatment for this "known" condition.)

Your students may well be fabricating, that I don't doubt, but times have certainly changed as to what they may be able to produce, and what the level of accuracy of what they produce may be.

[cgfunmathguy]

Oh, I should also add that a single copy of the death certificate cost me $20, and it wasn't available for over two weeks after his death.  His autopsy results weren't available to me until 2 months had passed.  I checked at the Auditor's office on a reular basis. (And, fwiw, according to the autopsy the hospital he died at is located in a nearby city, which has no hospital, and he was "known to have a history of..." a condition that would surprise his Dr.; it was certainly never diagnosed, nor was he under, nor ever had been under, treatment for this "known" condition.)

Your students may well be fabricating, that I don't doubt, but times have certainly changed as to what they may be able to produce, and what the level of accuracy of what they produce may be.

Funeral cards are free to those attending the funeral. My policy has always been "if you're willing to put in the extra time of faking your ____________'s death by going to the funeral of someone unrelated to you, then I will accept a funeral card as documentation that your _____________ died." Of course, I don't ever say these words in class, but you get my point. Documentation takes many forms. I've had students say "My _____ died, and funeral is the day of the test. What do you need for documentation?". I tell them that I will accept a funeral card, an obituary, or a similar document. They are only too happy to comply.

[slac_vap]

My AWOL student gave me the whole spiel about "working two jobs", but she "does not plan on making a bad grade in this class."  I guess she buys into the power of positive thinking.

Perhaps all the first-year seminar courses have been assigning The Secret recently.

[ratiosrule]

My AWOL student gave me the whole spiel about "working two jobs", but she "does not plan on making a bad grade in this class."  I guess she buys into the power of positive thinking.

Perhaps all the first-year seminar courses have been assigning The Secret recently.

Good one.

[ratiosrule]

I am experiencing a highly similar situation right now: A student who has attended exactly two classes and missed all of the assigned tasks, called me AT HOME (when I later called the phone company to complain, they told me that my number is unlisted, but not unpublished...I'll let you kids figure out what the difference is) this past Sunday to tell me that she is still in my class and she needs to get an "A" in order to keep her 4.0 GPA.

Unbelievable! I forgot to ask for an unpublished number after my latest move. I'm a little nervous now!

[airball]

I've had three fictional dead aunts from Alabama this semester. The students should do some research and find at least one town in Alabama to name when I ask them where she "lived."

I don't why the students are choosing Alabama (it does border my state). Maybe Alabama sounds exotic to them or something. Or maybe they think Alabama hasn't got that there internet yet.

There is nothing more passive-aggressively fun than giving a slacker just enough rope to hang himself/herself.

It didn't get a lot of play in the national media, but a couple of guys went on an aunt-killing spree in late-October and early-November. No idea why they chose aunts, but the state DA is trying to figure out how to charge them with a hate crime. I don't think it will fly, as aunts are not a protected class under state or federal law.

[jwormold]

So, my original AWOL student emailed me this morning and will, in fact, submit a paper and take the final. Apparently, mine is the last class she needs to graduate.  Apparently, a D will count toward her graduation requirements.  I'm still not sure how she expects to get a D.  With perfect grades,

And, this morning there were two in-class presentations scheduled. NEITHER of the students presenting showed up.  WTF?  I've just checked my inbox, and they've not bothered to email me either.  I get flakiness, but I have never been in a situation (either as a fellow student or later as an instructor) where someone totally blew off the presentation, and certainly not when BOTH people did.  They've putting crazy juice in the campus water or something.

Oh, one just emailed. She has an infection. Fine. Whatever.