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[galactic_hedgehog]

I am so tired of not being appreciated.

I appreciate you.

Now, can I get that beer?

[southerntransplant]

I filled in for a colleague last week. After class a student in this class comes up to speak to me.

Student: "Do you teach any undergrad courses?"

ST: "I do, but not this semester. In fact I teach this very class next semester."

Student: "I like your style. I'd like to take more classes from you."

ST: "Thanks."

Student: "What are you teaching this semester?"

ST (thinking that seven weeks in is not the time to add my class): "A graduate class"

Student: "No undergraduate?"

ST (wondering if maybe the reflection in his eyeglasses is creating a distracting sparkle for the student): "Right. No undergraduate classes this semester."

Student: "Really?"

ST (bemusedly, almost imitating 'Shrek'): "Yes. Really really."

This actually goes on for another 15 seconds.

[dr_evil]

I am so tired of not being appreciated.

I appreciate you.

Now, can I get that beer?

Are you sure you aren't just saying that to get a beer?

[ls410]

This was a phone conversation I had yesterday.  This intro level class had it's 2nd exam at 3 that day (the phone range at 1:40).  Student failed the first quiz, earned a B on the first test, and had a D on the second quiz.

Student: I won't be in class today.
Me: You know you have an exam today.
S: I know.
M: Why will be be missing the exam?
S: I'm moving.  I'm in (small town about an hour away).
M: As you know from reading your syllabus, I don't give make-up exams except in emergency situations.  Moving is not an emergency.
S: So I'll get a 0 on the exam.
M: Yes.  But you have over an hour until the exam so I suggest you get in your car.


After assuring me that he had studied the night before (but not any more than that), he said he'd be there but probably a little late.  He did show - about 15 minutes into the 50 minute exam.  I haven't graded it yet but I saw a lot of blank space.

[tee_bee]

Today in class, a pair of student just couldn't stop chatting.  Here's what happened:

Me:  "If you two don't hush and pay attention, I'm going to get really ironic with you!"

Basketball player in the back row:  "No, Dr. mended_drum!  Don't use irony on the sophomores!  They're not ready!"

I love this class.

For the WIN. Dangerously close to an iced tea spew here (good think I drink unsweet).

[spectacle]

I just went to a colleague's class to hand out her student evaluations.  Usual spiel, I explained the evaluations, gave them pencils and stood aside to give them time to finish.


Miss Snottypants: "Um, are we getting paid for this?"

[rlm523]

This is a priceless gem! 

Setting: Immediately following today's class which covered synaptic plasticity.  I was getting the computer and projector shut down and all of the other students had left.

Student: When is your birthday? (said very enthusiastically)
RWM: My birthday?
Student: Yeah!
RWM: Mmmm, May 23.
Student:  Do you mind telling me the year, I want to do your numerology.
RWM: Mmmmm, ok, it's 1979.
Student: Wow!! You're 30, I thought you were like 24! I always think you are so pretty.
RWM: Well, thank you.
Student: babbles on a bit about numerology as she types in my birthday to her numerology app on her phone Oh my gosh!! You're 3-6-9, I'm 3-6-9, that's a perfect circle, wow, that is so funny that we have the same numbers. she then went on to describe what each of the numbers meant, the 9 means that i value wisdom and integrity most...not too far off base

This student is very sweet, but sort of all over the place...as evidenced by her jump from synaptic plasticity to numerology in about .53 seconds.  Cracked me up and made my day!!

[dr_evil]

From one of my students to another: "You're special and unique...just like everyone else."  Finally, someone other than me says it. :)

[jomo33]

After a student had not turned in at least half of the assignments mid-way through the semester, I decided to have a little talk with him.

ME: I notice that you haven't turned in a good portion of the weekly assignments so far.
STUDENT: Yeah.
ME: Is there something about the due dates or work that you do not understand.
STUDENT: No. But, professor, you have to understand - it's really difficult for me to get the work in on time.
ME: Why?
STUDENT: I don't live on campus. I commute. It's hard.

I then asked where he commuted from and then informed him that I commute from a location that is nearly twice as far as where he comes from.

[polly_mer]

After a student had not turned in at least half of the assignments mid-way through the semester, I decided to have a little talk with him.

ME: I notice that you haven't turned in a good portion of the weekly assignments so far.
STUDENT: Yeah.
ME: Is there something about the due dates or work that you do not understand.
STUDENT: No. But, professor, you have to understand - it's really difficult for me to get the work in on time.
ME: Why?
STUDENT: I don't live on campus. I commute. It's hard.

I then asked where he commuted from and then informed him that I commute from a location that is nearly twice as far as where he comes from.

Ah, you are too kind.  My response to those things are "You made it to class, right?  Well, just bring your assignments with you to turn in the class prior to the due date.  I happily accept assignments early."

My recent favorite conversation went:

Polly at the start of class:  This sheet is fifth grade level work and I expect you can complete in groups in short order.

About ten minutes later,

Student 1:  Dr. Mer, I am not smarter than a fifth grader.  This sheet is very hard.

Student 2:  Yeah, this sheet is the hardest thing that I have ever done.

Polly: Then you have had an extremely easy life.  Wait, is it harder than the math sheets we did at the beginning of the semester?

Student 2:  Well, ok, not that hard, but still harder than anything else.

Polly:  Harder than the assignments on gravity?

Student 2:  Well, ok, not that hard, either, but still pretty hard.  I am not capable of fifth grade work.

Student 3:  Me, either.   This sheet is too hard for us.

Polly:  You people are training to be teachers.  What grade are you going to teach?

Student 3:  Third grade.  I'm pretty sure that I can do third grade work, but fifth grade work is too hard for me.  I knew that before and this class just confirms it.

[profxfiles]

Polly:  You people are training to be teachers.  What grade are you going to teach?

Student 3:  Third grade.  I'm pretty sure that I can do third grade work, but fifth grade work is too hard for me.  I knew that before and this class just confirms it.

Claiming this right now for my new signature line!

[marigolds]

Polly, I thank you for your tales of terror regarding the elementary education majors you teach.  You have helped me make an important decision:  I will homeschool my child before I will ever let him step foot in a public elementary school, lest he encounter one of these students as his teacher. 

I can, at least, do fifth grade math.  (Although eighth grade math is questionable.  But I can let him go to junior high, right?  They actually have subject training?) 

[dr_evil]

I can, at least, do fifth grade math.  (Although eighth grade math is questionable.  But I can let him go to junior high, right?  They actually have subject training?) 

This reminds me of the time I was helping my mother with her math homework.  It was an interesting switch.

And I think I might join you in encouraging homeschooling.

[polly_mer]

I have another gem from the front lines.  This week we are learning about magnets.  On Wednesday, I gave a half hour lecture about how magnets work and why various materials are magnetic or not.

Of all the topics that we will cover, magnetism is the most difficult to learn from a book or lecture and is the one for which the fewest students will have had adequate daily life exposure.  So today, I handed out magnets, compasses, paper clips, nails, and worksheets with instructions on what to do with those things to get more physical intuition about how magnets work.  In addition, I went from table to table so that I could demonstrate some particularly cool things that I know students wouldn't try if I didn't stand over them in small enough groups that everyone would touch the demos and actually experience what I was attempting to show.  FYI, if you've never rubbed together two refrigerator magnets, tried to put together the two pieces of a magnet broken catty corner to the original poles, or gotten to experience strong magnetic repulsion, then your education is incomplete. 

Ten minutes into class:

Student 1:  Dr. Mer, I just don't get magnetism.  Reading the book made no sense.

Polly:  That's why we're doing this hands-on work.  Magnetism is much easier to learn if you play with the magnets and explore what they can do.

Student 2:  Yeah, but it's Friday and our minds are a million miles away so I can't even follow the instructions on this sheet.  Why don't you just lecture instead?

Polly:  I could lecture until the cows come home and you will still not be any more knowledgeable about magnetism than you are now.  No one learns magnetism by listening to a lecture.  People learn about magnetism by working with magnets.  So you're just going to have to figure out how to make your mind focus on the instructions and work through the activities.

Student 2:  Could we do this as one big class project?

Polly:  No, because you won't learn about magnetism by watching other people do things and writing down what they say.  You will only get the hang of magnetism if you have the experiences yourself.  Watching isn't good enough.  Listening isn't good enough.  Reading isn't good enough.  You have to play with the magnets and see what they can do.

Student 2:  Can you at least sit here with us and explain it as we go along?

Polly:  No.  After you have completed all of the activities, you may ask me specific questions about details that you still don't understand.  But I will not answer any questions that can be restated as "I don't get it because I haven't tried".

Student 1: Ok, but what are we supposed to do for this activity? <points to the middle of the sheet>

Polly: Read the instructions.

Student 1:  I did, but I don't get it.

Polly:  There are four of you sitting at this table and your neighboring tables don't appear to have this problem.  I have confidence that you can figure it out if you work together.


The activity in question was grading a student's one-page lab report using the given rubric.  I'm a little scared if my students can't figure out how to grade something given a rubric.  Interestingly, I had only one student whine that she couldn't evaluate whether the discussion section of the lab report was correct because she didn't know how magnets work.  Either my comment to her of, "Yes, that's the point.  First, you have to figure out the correct answer using these items and then you can evaluate the report", got around or the other students had already given up trying to get me to do the work for them before they got to that activity.

[georgiaprof]

Polly -- this sounds like a wonderful assignment!  I would love to steal plagiarize borrow this assignment!