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[amlithist]

A student from my online class came in today.

Student:  I got my midterm grade.  It's an F.  I want to see if I can do anything to pass with a C or if I should drop.

Me (looking up grade in electronic gradebook):  Well, you didn't turn in your one Major Report to the Class for the semester, so you missed all of those 200 points.  You didn't contribute at all to the discussions for Group Project #1 or #2, so you missed 100 points on each of those.  You only answered 11 of the required minimum of 20 discussion questions; four of your responses were "yeah, I agree," so you earned 10 points for only 7 of the answers.  So let's see:  you've earned 70 of a possible 600 points so far.  [Pasuses for Student's response.]

[Long pause.]

S:  Oh.  So I can go back and turn in that report and do all those questions and projects, and I'll get all those points?

Me:  No.  Each set of discussion questions is tied to the readings for that two-week period.  Everyone else has moved on; besides, the idea is not to just post your ideas, but to engage in discussion with other students.  And that's the same idea for both of the group projects--to discuss with your group members, to help you understand that particular unit's reading materials.  And your Major Report is supposed to summarize and explain one of the reading assignments to the whole class; yours was due back in early September, so again, everyone else has moved on.

S:  So can you just tell the other students [there are 26 people in the class] to go back and reread alll the stuff and talk to me once I get my stuff done?

Me:  Uh. . . . no.

S:  Why not?  I should have a chance to turn this stuff in.

Me:  You did.  It was called "a deadline" for each assignment.

S:  But I didn't get it in by the deadline.  Isn't that why you gave me zeros on all of these?

Me:  Precisely.

[goldfinch]

S:  So can you just tell the other students [there are 26 people in the class] to go back and reread alll the stuff and talk to me once I get my stuff done?

Me:  Uh. . . . no.

S:  Why not?  I should have a chance to turn this stuff in.

Me:  You did.  It was called "a deadline" for each assignment.

S:  But I didn't get it in by the deadline.  Isn't that why you gave me zeros on all of these?

Me:  Precisely.

This is classic.  I love the utter willingness to inconvenience the other students.  And the choice of words of you giving the zeros rather than the student earning [?] them.  Sounds like you handled it really well! 

[phlegmatic]

S:  Why not?  I should have a chance to turn this stuff in.

Me:  You did.  It was called "a deadline" for each assignment.

I love this part. :)

[profxfiles]

S:  So can you just tell the other students [there are 26 people in the class] to go back and reread alll the stuff and talk to me once I get my stuff done?

Me:  Uh. . . . no.

H.O.L.Y.  C.R.A.P....

[oseph]

S:  So can you just tell the other students [there are 26 people in the class] to go back and reread alll the stuff and talk to me once I get my stuff done?

Me:  Uh. . . . no.

H.O.L.Y.  C.R.A.P....

This is when you invite the student to stand up at the beginning of the next class period to ask his/her classmates if they will do him/her this favor.

[galactic_hedgehog]

S:  So can you just tell the other students [there are 26 people in the class] to go back and reread alll the stuff and talk to me once I get my stuff done?

Me:  Uh. . . . no.

H.O.L.Y.  C.R.A.P....

This is when you invite the student to stand up at the beginning of the next class period to ask his/her classmates if they will do him/her this favor.

I can just see it...

[polly_mer]

S:  So can you just tell the other students [there are 26 people in the class] to go back and reread alll the stuff and talk to me once I get my stuff done?

Me:  Uh. . . . no.

H.O.L.Y.  C.R.A.P....

This is when you invite the student to stand up at the beginning of the next class period to ask his/her classmates if they will do him/her this favor.

Go ahead and do this.  Really.

Today, half of the students in my classes will be gone on a mandatory field trip for their major.  Last week, when a student told me that half the class would be missing, the discussion about what to do ensued.  My "favorite" student, whom I have mentioned multiple times on this thread, then piped up.

Student: So does that mean next Friday's class is canceled?

Polly: No, we're having class.  The people on the field trip will just miss it and not get to participate in the fun activities.

S:  But is it extra credit if we show up?

P:  Why would it be extra credit to show up to a regular class on time and participate?

S:  But could we get extra credit?

P (having more than three brain cells and seeing a teaching moment):  Sure.  Why not?  Extra credit if you show up.

S's bestest friend in the whole world who is going on the mandatory field trip: NO WAY ARE YOU GETTING EXTRA CREDIT FOR GOING TO A REGULAR CLASS!   Go to class or don't go to class, but just deal with the fact that some of us will be missing class for a mandatory field trip.

P:  She makes a good point.  No extra credit, but come to class anyway.  We will be doing another set of the little kid hands-on activities.  Missing class for the field trip is a good trade-off, but missing the material just because is silly.

S: I would rather go on the field trip.

P:  That's not within my power to grant.

How many students do you think I'll have in class today?  Bets?

[lousia]

"...HAND THINGS IN and you will do just fine in this course".

Like, this test with random scribblings on it?  Hey, guys, I'm getting a C!

While I had in mind this particular student who does good work but fails to hand things in, many of the students who took the last test would have done better if they attempted the random scribbling approach.  I can often see my way to giving one point or two for effort on an essay question or multistep math question.  I can't give partial credit for a blank answer.

[rowan1]

All of my students in a Senior level class have to set up a time to meet with me on their final project.

Student in serious need of a Brain and attitude transplant: So, when can I meet with you?
R: Friday is good
SISNOABAAT: what time?
R: I'm not sure what times are open - there is a sign up sheet on my office door.
SISNOABAAT: so I should come up to your office?
R: Just come with me after class.
SISNOABAAT: OK

Class ends

SISNOABAAT: I need to sign up for a time to meet with you.
R: Come up with me now and sign up.
SISNOABAAT: When on Friday are you free?
R: I don't know, come look at the sign up sheet.
SISNOABAAT: at your office?
R: yes, its on the door.
SISNOABAAT: when should I do that?
R: Now?
SISNOABAAT: Why don't I just email you when would be good for me?
R: It's right upstairs. 
SISNOABAAT: Can't you just tell me?
R: I don't know who has signed up for when off the top of my head.
SISNOABAAT: Why?
R: do you have a class right now?
SISNOABAAT: No.
R: come on up and sign up for a time.
SISNOABAAT: It would be easier if you just told me.
R: for who?
SISNOABAAT: Me.
R: No.
SISNOABAAT: exquiste eye roll - she has this one perfected. Fine.

Oh this is going to be fun meeting.

[octoprof]

In class last night, we worked a number of problems, including one simple one on cost plus pricing (figure out how much it costs to make a widget and add X% to that to get the selling price) and then one on target costing (figure out what you can sell the widget for [target price], then subtract the % profit you desire, and the rest is how much cost can be incurred).  

After working that last one (very simple math), a student said,"I disagree!"  

I said,"Pardon me?"

She said,"I disagree."

I said,"How so?"

She said,"Oh, you should divide the numbers <blah, blah, some convoluted thing that makes no sense>."

I said,"No, you figure out what the market will bear in terms of price, which in this example is $100, then you deduct the desired profit margin, and what's left is the cost you determined using a target price."

She said,"But I disagree!"

I said,"I'm sorry, but this is one of those things that just is.  You know, like 'the sky is blue' or 'Wisconsin produces lots of cheese.'  You don't get to disagree."

[biomancer]

...
I said,"I'm sorry, but this is one of those things that just is.  You know, like 'the sky is blue' or 'Wisconsin produces lots of cheese.'  You don't get to disagree."

Octo, I LOVE this line and hope I can remember it if the appropriate situation arises.  Of course, I'll doubtless end up with smart-a$$sed stduent who replies with "Well, yeah, but does Wisconsin produce as much cheese as France?  And how do you quantify 'lots'?"

Nonetheless, I love it!!

[big_giant_head]

This young man, suddenly paying attention to the comment about all those smooth cylinders, says thoughtfully as he stares into space,

"Man, I always have dreams about hot dogs."


It was just perfect.  Perfect.

I love this.  Did you notice anyone else amused by it? 

About half the class thought it was hysterical.  The other half didn't understand why.

[concordancia]

I have this one on nearly a daily basis with one of my sections, but not the other, even though they are accessing the same system.

S: There was a horribly unfair problem with the online homework.
Me: What you just described sounds like a problem with following directions.
S: Well, but there was a problem.
Other Students: Yeah! I had that problem, too.
Me: When there is a problem with the online homework, you need to send me an email. Then I have the problem and access to the homework in the same place.
(Somewhere around here one of the good students mumbles something about "If they only had a brain")
S: But are you going to take care of it?
Me: Send me an email.

I have yet to receive a single email as the result of one of these conversations.

[llanfair]

This young man, suddenly paying attention to the comment about all those smooth cylinders, says thoughtfully as he stares into space,

"Man, I always have dreams about hot dogs."


It was just perfect.  Perfect.

I love this.  Did you notice anyone else amused by it? 

About half the class thought it was hysterical.  The other half didn't understand why.

Poor kids - always missing out.

[rowan1]

Yesterday was from hell!  Advissee's missed their meeting times - oh well not my problem - not sure how they think they are going to register without getting their RAN  number from me, but I don't care.

senior class students who had scheduled to meet with me did show up.  Annoying attitude girl was not so bad actually.  But then came That Guy...

I am not sure how much of conversation we can be said to have had as I can barely understand a word he speaks because he mumbles and mutters and his favorite phrase is "you know..."

That Guy is failing this class.  That Guy has been warned of his standing repeatedly.  That Guy has yet to follow the directions on an assignment.  That Guy actively uses the class to proselytize.

Yesterday we were to meet to discuss the draft of his final project that was due Wed of last week.  His pitch idea had been due over three weeks prior and he had never turned it in.  (all of this will affect the final grade as stated in teh syllabus).  He had turned in 3 pages on Monday.

These were not the pages I needed appearantly.

That Guy: (paraphrased to spare you all the mumbling) I have my draft on my thumb drive - I couldn't send it from the library computer. 
Me: This isn't your draft? (holding up the pages I had critiqued)
That Guy: hmm, ahh, well, what did you think of those?
Me: No.  Is this your draft of the final or is it something else?
That Guy: Well, I have this, but you should tell me what you think of that?
Me: No.  I am done right now. Answer the question - it is your final.  Is this on the thumb drive what you want to work on for your final project or is the material you sent that I have printed here your final.  Which is it?
That Guy: Well...
Me: OK, you need to listen to me very carefully right now.  You have failed to complete the last 4 assignments, you have failed to turn in a pitch idea, you failed to turn in a draft that was even close to being complete, you have not followed directions on virtually every assignment.  You need to turn things around or you are not going to pass this class.  You need to take ownership of your work.  Now. What is your final project?
That Guy: the one of the thumb drive.
Me: Great - we can meet on Monday to discuss it.
That Guy: but I'm here now.
Me: I haven't read it - how can I discuss it with you if I haven't read it?
That Guy: Oh. OK.  Monday.  Can I turn in my response paper late?
Me: No.
That Guy: but I wrote it.
Me: No.
That Guy: but I was out of town.
Me: Yes, we discussed that and I told you you still needed to turn in the paper when it was due.  You were back when it was due.
That Guy: but I wrote it.
Me: pulling out the old syllabus  - No playwriting assignments will be accepted late.  Critiques and Playwright papers will be docked a 1/2 a letter grade for each day they are late and will not be accepted after one week.  No exceptions.
That Guy: don't you think that you could give me a break.  Its been a really rough semester. I am now into all my upper division classes.
Me: No.

I mean for Frick's sake I just lost my temper with the guy, and he is asking for a favor for something that is late?  He can write on the final show of the term so he has not yet lost out on those points (he won't get that done either though). He claims to not know when things are due and I sent him back to the syllabus and the schedule update that is not only posted but that I also gave a handout on.

During the whole conversation there was one point when some spark of emotion showed in his eyes - when he seemed to get that I was mad and he had screwed up - the most of it though was blank incomprehension.  I am not the only class in which he is screwing up.  He has become legend in our hallway. His poor advisor is tearing his hair out.  And frankly I want to know who the heck signed off on allowing him into my class which is by instructor permission only.  He is so far out of his realm of ability it is actually sad.