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[lousia]

"It's not faaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiir to expect me to meet standards when I'm this special."

I didn't know you had me as a student.

That does explain your conspicuous absence at the last two tests and your low participation score.

My family went on vacation.

Did I miss anything important?

Get the notes from Canuckois' student.

[ranganathan]

Background: a senior turned in a paper that was, to all intents and purposes, illiterate.  She failed because I literally had no idea what she was trying to say.  No second-language issues here, just an extremely poor grasp on the fundamentals of English grammar and spelling.

<snip>

Student: [blank stare, followed by huge sigh]  So I should, like, go to the library?

Me: [gravely] It certainly couldn't hurt.

Oy.

That was YOUR student? We had a student come to the library today who explained she was writing her senior paper for Major That Requires Lots of Library Research.  She was panicking because she has a 20 page research paper to write and she loves to write research papers, only:

1) She's never really known how to find sources or how to decide which sources are useful and

2) She's never sure how to decide what parts of the sources she should use in the paper and

3) She doesn't know how to integrate the sources into the paper and

4) Oh- citing? She's never understood what that's about.

Colleague referred her to the Writing Center but really, a time machine back to Freshman Composition is what is needed!

[galactic_hedgehog]

From the sounds of that one, she'll, like, go to the library and stare at the wall.

Maybe not.  Ours has graphic novels.  She can look at the pictures.

[phlegmatic]

Today I had a student ask, "Do people fail this course?" Um...that depends. I told him that he probably wouldn't fail the course if he showed up and did the work (which he, of course, is not doing).

[rowan1]

student turned in a draft of his final project that was virtually identical to the writing exercise that he is basing his final on. (which he had written in Sept - also note, this is the only writing exercise he has completed)

Me: this is the same script
Student: no its not.
Me: I have both of them on my computer, I compared them.
Student: I changed the one dude's name.

(pause)

Me: You need to have made considerable changes if you want this to work for your final project.
Student: blank stare.

[polly_mer]

Student: I changed the one dude's name.

Oh, well, in that case, I simply cannot understand your problem, Rowan.  Sheesh, he changed the dude's name.  C'mon, that's a major rewrite because, like, he never got the hang of search and replace so that took, like, an hour.  How much more could you possibly expect this guy to do?  It's only theatre for pity's sake.  It's not like it's a hard class like science, which I am told is completely worthless in real life so people shouldn't be held responsible for it if they're going to be elementary school teachers instead of scientists. 

I feel your pain.  At least tell me this isn't a major that you will have to deal with as a repeat student.

[concordancia]

I have one of the few office doors in a labyrinth that is wide open. For the purposes of this conversation, it is important to know this is not the Comm department.

Random Student: Do you know where Comm professors are.
Me: Somewhere above the second floor. [Well, they are - but I have never been up there]
Me: [Feeling bad for the vagueness and pulling up the directory on my computer] Who are you trying to find?
RS: Anyone who will talk to me.
Me: Have you talked to the advisor?
RS: I am not a Comm student. But will she talk to me?
Me: Here is her contact information

Well, glad I won't be part of that conversation. I am, of course, trusting that I am just some random professor in my building (the Comm advisor is actually in a different building), that RS doesn't even know what department she was wandering in. Of course, there maybe someone venting in a few minutes that RS showed up in her office, sent by a nincompoop who doesn't know the first thing about the Comm department or dealing with students.

[phlegmatic]

Student: I changed the one dude's name.

(pause)

Me: You need to have made considerable changes if you want this to work for your final project.
Student: blank stare.

At least now you won't get "but I made all the grammar changes you circled!" comment on the "final, revised" version.

[galactic_hedgehog]

Student: I changed the one dude's name.

Oh, well, in that case, I simply cannot understand your problem, Rowan.  Sheesh, he changed the dude's name.

Well, if he changed the dude's name from Bob to Adam, then instead of just a everyday guy, he is now the Biblical Adam, a representative of all mankind and our fall from race.

I am confident that's what he was going for.

[lousia]

Student: I changed the one dude's name.

Oh, well, in that case, I simply cannot understand your problem, Rowan.  Sheesh, he changed the dude's name.

Well, if he changed the dude's name from Bob to Adam, then instead of just a everyday guy, he is now the Biblical Adam, a representative of all mankind and our fall from race.

I am confident that's what he was going for.

Then I am officially offended on behalf of all non-Bible-believers and I must now storm from the room.  <interthreaduality>

Well, before I go, I just want to know if the writer of Adam is going to teach a class and whether I could ethically attend in order to describe in great detail why the choice of the name Adam is unacceptable.  <further interthreaduality>

[llanfair]

We had a student come to the library today who explained she was writing her senior paper for Major That Requires Lots of Library Research.  She was panicking because she has a 20 page research paper to write and she loves to write research papers, only:

1) She's never really known how to find sources or how to decide which sources are useful and

2) She's never sure how to decide what parts of the sources she should use in the paper and

3) She doesn't know how to integrate the sources into the paper and

4) Oh- citing? She's never understood what that's about.

Colleague referred her to the Writing Center but really, a time machine back to Freshman Composition is what is needed!

Not far back enough.  Try Grade 5.

[airball]

After a student flunked the first test, and received an A- on the second:

Student: You know what I did differently?
Me: What?
Student: I went back and looked at all of the readings. It really helped.
Me: Blink. I had nothing.

airball

[hulkhogan]

TF: So, let me just be clear here. You want to change graduate programs to a whole other program with fewer faculty members who do work in the area you want to pursue because 1) you have decided the whole discipline sucks based on two months' experience in three classes and 2) you don't like the building in which the program is housed.

Consider yourself lucky, TF. If I had said that to a grad student, I would have been hauled into my chair's office and been accused of not being supportive of our students. Yes, this is the state flagship school.

[octoprof]

After a student flunked the first test, and received an A- on the second:

Student: You know what I did differently?
Me: What?
Student: I went back and looked at all of the readings. It really helped.
Me: Blink. I had nothing.

I'm really disappointed in you, airball. You should have had a snappy comeback for that!

[llanfair]

After a student flunked the first test, and received an A- on the second:

Student: You know what I did differently?
Me: What?
Student: I went back and looked at all of the readings. It really helped.
Me: Blink. I had nothing.

I'm really disappointed in you, airball. You should have had a snappy comeback for that!

If nothing else, a wide-eyed smile, and "GOOD!" in an only faintly sarcastic voice.