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[scampster]

OK, now I can't get Spock's line (from "Court Martial") out of my head: "If I let go of a hammer on a planet that has a positive gravity..."

Eh, positive, negative... you just need to free your mind to changing the frame of reference here!

Does that fall under the category of accepting alternate viewpoints?

I guess your view would be quite different from a different frame of reference!

On preview: Given your class stories, I might bump a student up a grade for even trying to make a science joke...

[biomancer]

OK, now I can't get Spock's line (from "Court Martial") out of my head: "If I let go of a hammer on a planet that has a positive gravity..."

Don't you go messing with my students' heads.  I just barely got them to accept the idea that all masses in the universe exert a gravitational force on each other;

So do you tell them that that really cute guy they see at the gym all the time is, literally, attracted to them?

Somehow I see this one ending up as an XKCD-style comic in which one character uses the equation to prove that the second is undeniably attracted to the first - and should thus accept the fact and hop in bed with the first now.

[geonerd]

I still haven't convinced some of them that my gravitational force on their bodies has no effect on their weight.

Why would you try?  I see revenue potential and endless amusement with this.

[galactic_hedgehog]

OK, now I can't get Spock's line (from "Court Martial") out of my head: "If I let go of a hammer on a planet that has a positive gravity..."

Don't you go messing with my students' heads.  I just barely got them to accept the idea that all masses in the universe exert a gravitational force on each other;

So do you tell them that that really cute guy they see at the gym all the time is, literally, attracted to them?

Somehow I see this one ending up as an XKCD-style comic in which one character uses the equation to prove that the second is undeniably attracted to the first - and should thus accept the fact and hop in bed with the first now.

For some strange reason, this never worked for me in college.

[dept_geek]

Background: Intro geek studies course. Mostly freshpeeps with a few 1st term undecided grad students (yes, we have those. Don't ask) thrown it.  After exam 2, I put together "If grades were posted today" sheets for each student. Lists each item, the score, the possible score.  (It was easy to put together.)

After class:
Math-impaired-student: Can you tell me what percentage of our final grade each item is?
Me:  No, you can do that
MIP: You want me to do that? Really? How?
Me: You have all the information here. Pull out your sheet and let's take a look
MIP: <* walks away *>
Me: That wasn't a request. Let's calculate your grade.
MIP: <* finally gets it and calculates how each item fits in *>

Cripes -- even with the answers in front of them, they can't do it.

It gets better - they can use a crib sheet on the exams. They still fail.

My head hurts.

[rowan1]

It is advising week and I actually had variations of this conversation with a number of my advissees but this one was the worst:

Rowan: You have to take Basket weaving 1 and floor mats 1, you absolutly have to get these classes this spring.

Advisee: But I don't want to take BW1 or FM1, I want to take Underwater Basketweaving and I need Advanced Floor Coverings.

Rowan: Yes, you actually need to take both of those classes to graduate, but as we discussed last fall, you need BW1 and FM1 because they are pre-reqs for UBW and AFC.

Advisee: Can't you just write a note to get me into UBW and AFC?  I know all about Basketweaving and Floor Coverings.

Rowan: Look - you have to take BW1 and FM1, because virtually every class you have left to complete, such as UBW and AFC, and also Applications of Basket Weaving and Full Floor Coverings have these two classes as Pre-Reqs, and no, I will not wave my magic wand and change the rules just for you. Looking at your transcript and grades right now I doubt that you seriously have the knowledge you need to get through any of the advanced classes without taking BW1 and FM1.

Advisee: That is so unfair, you could have at least warned me that these were PreReq classes.

Rowan: Look - here in your file, a note dated October of 2008 - "recommended spring classes - either BW1 or FM1" - with a side note - "which ever you don't take in Spring take either in summer or fall - they are Pre Reqs." And here, a note from our advising session in Spring - "Must take BW1 and FM1 - can get both in summer BW1 is offered term A and FM1 is offered term B. Or take in fall."

Advisee: Yeah but you never said I had to.

Rowan: I am just your advisor, and right now my advice is that you take these two classes or you will never ever graduate - and I really want you to graduate.

[polly_mer]

Rowan, you are getting the patience award for that conversation.

Dept_Geek, we must have the same students, although I can beat that story.

I posted midterm grades as weighted percentages of the total points so that all the students had to do was read the entry next to the label "Midterm grade" and then look down the chart to see, for example, that 73 because it falls between 70 and 79 corresponds to a C.  I explained this to the class and put the grade chart on the board.

Student:  So what am I getting in this class?

Polly: Well, pull up your Blackboard profile, look at the entry next to "Midterm grade", and then compare that value to the chart on the board.

S: I have Blackboard open and I don't see it.

Polly walks over to the computer and says: It's the number on the top line next to the label marked 'Midterm grade'

S: But that's a number, not a grade.

P:  Yes,  that's your weighted average and you can then look at the chart to determine what grade you have.

S: Why couldn't you just post the grade?

P:  Why can't you just look at the table and figure it out?

S:  But why couldn't you just post the grade?

P:  I think it's important for people to know their percentages to figure out if they are scraping by or doing well.

S: Look, I have a 70.3.  Just tell me what that is.

P:  According to the chart, between 70 and 79 is a C. 

S:  So why did I get a midterm warning that I'm getting a D?

P:  Because I think borderline cases need the extra hint to do better.

S:  But I'm getting a C.  I'm doing fine.

P: You have a 70.3, didn't hand in the last two homeworks, and got a 67 on the first test.  You are not doing fine. 

S:  I...have...a...C.

P:  And if you want to finish the class with a C, you had better hand more things in and study harder for the next test.

S:  Yeah, yeah.  Hey, guys, I'm getting a C!  How are you doing?

[conjugate]

"Um, Dr. <Conjugate>, would you happen to have an extra copy of your syllabus?"

"Well, not on me; you can download it from Blackboard, or" (as I figured this kid needed a little more attention) "come by the office in a few minutes and I'll print you one off."

"Um, OK, um, what time are your office hours?"

I repeat my office hours.

"Okay, um, so just in a few minutes?"

"Right!  I'll be there as soon as I'm through here."

"OK, where is your office again?"

I point to my office right across from the classroom where I'm waiting on a last quiz.

"Okay, thanks."

After a bit, the student shows up to my office, and I print him a syllabus.

"Um, I think I'm failing your class."  <bashful grin>  "So, uh, how does that tutoring thing work?"

I explain about "that tutoring thing," and mention that he can show up during my office hours.

"Um, okay, I wouldn't be, like, bothering you?"

"No, that's what office hours are for.  My job is to help any student of mine during my office hours."

"Oh.  Okay, I didn't know if it was like for grading papers or what."

"No, please feel free to show up and ask questions, and we'll work on things."

I might be able to save this one if he actually shows up and works some examples.

[smallways]

"No, that's what office hours are for.  My job is to help any student of mine during my office hours."

"Oh.  Okay, I didn't know if it was like for grading papers or what."

It took me two terms of TAing to realize that a big part of why nobody was coming to office hours is that nobody knew what they were for. I wonder why they think we're telling them exactly when and where we're marking papers, or signing forms, or whatever they think office hours entail. "So this is when your final exam will be, here's my late policy, and by the way, it's very, very important that you know that I will spend the hours of twelve to two every Tuesday making photocopies and moving professorial pieces of paper around. That's twelve to two. Remember that."

[lousia]

"No, that's what office hours are for.  My job is to help any student of mine during my office hours."

"Oh.  Okay, I didn't know if it was like for grading papers or what."

It took me two terms of TAing to realize that a big part of why nobody was coming to office hours is that nobody knew what they were for. I wonder why they think we're telling them exactly when and where we're marking papers, or signing forms, or whatever they think office hours entail. "So this is when your final exam will be, here's my late policy, and by the way, it's very, very important that you know that I will spend the hours of twelve to two every Tuesday making photocopies and moving professorial pieces of paper around. That's twelve to two. Remember that."

Well, to be fair, a first generation freshman or returning student might not have thought through the fact that office hours are times to come by and discuss the class.  On the other hand, I have taken to announcing every class period for the past two weeks, "And remember, I have office hours every day at 9 am.  Come by to ask me questions and get help studying for the test!"  I had exactly one visitor--whose main concern was getting an extra credit project because this student was scared by the midterm grade of F.  I had to explain, "Your performance is fine on the work that you hand in ranging from mid-B to mid-A.  But you are missing three homework assignments, two labs, and two in-class worksheets.  Missing 200 points out of a possible 400 means that you fail.  Hand in your homework.  Hand in the labs.  HAND THINGS IN and you will do just fine in this course".

"But I can't afford to fail.  Can we talk about an extra credit project just in case?"

"No.  But if you have any of those assignments, labs, or in-class worksheets on you right now, I will take them and you will get credit for them."

After a long shuffle through the random papers stuffed in a spiral notebook, the student handed me 125 points worth of material.  "OK, you are now likely passing this class.  Now go work on the assignment due Wednesday and study hard for the test.  And remember HAND THINGS IN ON TIME.  That's the primary difference between studying on your own and being in a class.  Classes require you to hand things in so that you can earn a grade." 

Why do my best students have to have been homeschooled so that I have to remember to teach school to them while simultaneously getting the thoroughly schooled students to think about the material?  What happened to being interchangeable cogs in a wheel?  <interthreaduality>

To return to the asking questions and not bothering the instructor, I had a freshman apologize the other day for asking me relevant questions during the small group part of class when I circle the room to *dum da da dum* answer questions.  She seemed startled by my response that answering relevant questions is my job and that I am also thrilled to spend a few minutes answering related questions that occur to students, even if it's not something that will be on the test.  Of course, that willingness to indulge anyone's interest in science is how I have now discussed in class how bonobos use sex as a communication mechanism, why the inability for snails to sneeze is not a problem, and the fastest way to drain beer from a keg. 

Perhaps I should rethink my "Are there any questions about anything pertaining to this class in particular or science in general?" method of transitioning between topics.  Nah.  It's much more fun this way and students do sit up and pay attention.

[dept_geek]

Dept_Geek, we must have the same students, although I can beat that story.
......
S:  Yeah, yeah.  Hey, guys, I'm getting a C!  How are you doing?

Oh goodness. You "win" (first prize - one week in <city>, second place -- two weeks in <city>).

<*offers Polly a soft pillow to help when performing the intricate head::desk maneuver. *>

[big_giant_head]

In the midst of a discussion of possible (and sometimes subconscious) layers of motivation, I jokingly refer to Freudian symbolism.  The students are giggling and so am I, when I wonder aloud what Freud would think of a person who constantly dreams of submarines, cigars, fighter planes breaking the sound barrier, etc.

Flashback to a few minutes earlier, when the young man in the front row, whose speech is sometimes difficult to understand around the chaw of tobacco between his cheek and gum, has claimed that people who drive mini-vans are "totally gay" even if they are married heterosexuals with their bio-children in the back seats. 

This young man, suddenly paying attention to the comment about all those smooth cylinders, says thoughtfully as he stares into space,

"Man, I always have dreams about hot dogs."


It was just perfect.  Perfect.

[goldfinch]

This young man, suddenly paying attention to the comment about all those smooth cylinders, says thoughtfully as he stares into space,

"Man, I always have dreams about hot dogs."


It was just perfect.  Perfect.

I love this.  Did you notice anyone else amused by it? 

[galactic_hedgehog]

"...HAND THINGS IN and you will do just fine in this course".

Like, this test with random scribblings on it?  Hey, guys, I'm getting a C!

[science_expat]

To return to the asking questions and not bothering the instructor, I had a freshman apologize the other day for asking me relevant questions during the small group part of class when I circle the room to *dum da da dum* answer questions.  She seemed startled by my response that answering relevant questions is my job and that I am also thrilled to spend a few minutes answering related questions that occur to students, even if it's not something that will be on the test.  Of course, that willingness to indulge anyone's interest in science is how I have now discussed in class how bonobos use sex as a communication mechanism, why the inability for snails to sneeze is not a problem, and the fastest way to drain beer from a keg. 

Perhaps I should rethink my "Are there any questions about anything pertaining to this class in particular or science in general?" method of transitioning between topics.  Nah.  It's much more fun this way and students do sit up and pay attention.

Brilliant! Sounds like great teaching to me.