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[kempmaer]

For example, if you are a pure math professor, it might be "I guarantee one person from my class will become an "Albert Einstein" or if you are an accounting professor, "every student from my class will be prominent business persons in the corporate world" or if you are a SLAC professor, " I will go above and beyond for all my students and increase my office hours."

[octoprof]

For example, if you are a pure math professor, it might be "I guarantee one person from my class will become an "Albert Einstein" or if you are an accounting professor, "every student from my class will be prominent business persons in the corporate world" or if you are a SLAC professor, " I will go above and beyond for all my students and increase my office hours."

Very funny. How many Albert Einsteins have ever lived? One.

[yellowtractor]

For example, if you are a pure math professor, it might be "I guarantee one person from my class will become an "Albert Einstein" or if you are an accounting professor, "every student from my class will be prominent business persons in the corporate world" or if you are a SLAC professor, " I will go above and beyond for all my students and increase my office hours."

OP, I would immediately disregard any candidate who came to an interview and said anything like your first two quotes.  The third is more reasonable, but it implies a judgment on existing faculty ("above and beyond" what?--presumably the institutional norm, including that of the very faculty you are trying to persuade to hire you).

There is a thin line between promoting your assets in a reasonable, enthusiastic way and coming across as a smoldering pile of unadulterated hubris, or a robot who speaks in florid Educationalese.

You sell yourself, in an academic interview, by promoting both your accomplishments and your future (professional) hopes and dreams in the implicit and explicit contexts of (a) the job ad, (b) your knowledge of the department and program, (c) the SC's questions, and (d) the protocols of your larger field.  The precise language varies widely from candidate to candidate, institution to institution, and field to field.  You do not make outrageous claims or attempt to outclass the SC.

[zarathustra]

Isn't it bad enough that my syllabus is now required to declare a "course outcome?"  All students will be able to do ties their own shoes by the end of the semester...

[polly_mer]

I like to use: "I guarantee at least one of my students will be inspired to graduate and actually use the things I teach."

Somehow, "Many of my students don't drop out and become bums living in a van by the river" didn't have quite the same effect.

[yellowtractor]

I like to use: "I guarantee at least one of my students will be inspired to graduate and actually use the things I teach."

Somehow, "Many of my students don't drop out and become bums living in a van by the river" didn't have quite the same effect.

Oh Polly, go all the way.  "The river?  Understand:  I am the river.  Students never step into the same me twice.  I lave them with my knowledge, my electrical charisma, my mythic concern.  They emerge as new into the bright world of tomorrow."

[zharkov]

In a finance class:  If you master this stuff, you can have the world by the b****.

[verbena]

I often tell students on the first day of class that the course will, if nothing else, provide excellent fodder for cocktail party conversation.

Occasionally I've claimed to students who are considering taking an upper-division seminar that the course will render them fluent in a foreign language. I don't actually teach foreign languages -- I mean, not officially.

I've never had the temerity to make these claims on a job application, but the OP's request has inspired me.

[mended_drum]

This thread is very strange.  Does anyone write or claim anything like this in job applications or interviews?  I've never heard a candidate do so, thank goodness.

[yellowtractor]

This thread is very strange.  Does anyone write or claim anything like this in job applications or interviews?  I've never heard a candidate do so, thank goodness.

Oh, I have.  Many times.  Usually from lawyers or businesspeople who want to sidestep into the academy, in spite of their lack of foormal credentials (see "Application Bloopers" thread).

I mean, we all know that "life experience" is more important than an actual Ph.D., don't we?  (But this is to take this thread off-topic.)

[john_proctor]

Sales pitch?

For a candidate for a tenure track job?

Oh dear.

Oh dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear.

I think my immediate response to "I will increase my office hours" would be hearty laughter to the point of tears.  My more sober response would be "Damn.  And, so, when is it exactly that you're planning to work on course development, lectures, and research?"

What ever happened to the good old days when candidates communicated "I'm highly qualified and my abilities and training will particularly contribute to your department/context/curriculum by ____."

A "sales pitch?"

Really.  "So, we were going to pass on this candidate; the bulk of her/his prior experience and projected future development just didn't fit as well with our current needs or plans for future development as a department.  But then, when s/he told us 'I put the "pro" in "professor," well..."

[dr_dre]

I am required to hold ten office hours each week as it is. If I held more official office hours, when would I use the restroom, chat with colleagues, and find coffee?

[polly_mer]

I am required to hold ten office hours each week as it is. If I held more official office hours, when would I use the restroom, chat with colleagues, and find coffee?

Take your students with you.  Call it a field trip.  Education is not just for the classroom, it's for life.

[madhatter]

I am required to hold ten office hours each week as it is. If I held more official office hours, when would I use the restroom, chat with colleagues, and find coffee?

Take your students with you.  Call it a field trip.  Education is not just for the classroom, it's for life.

A field trip to the restroom?

[larryc]

"I'll bet your husband doesn't understand just how special you are."