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[porcupine]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I would appreciate advice.

I am a VAP on a two-year contract. I am involved in a long-term project with a senior colleague. The project brings in considerable prestige to the department, though it is not a requirement of my actual VAP work here, and it is linked to my own research work, so I have a big incentive to stay involved. I also rely upon the senior colleague for a letter of recommendation, so I have another big incentive to do a good job.

However, I am starting to be seriously concerned at how much project work I am doing. I have been picking up a lot of work for my colleague, who had a very difficult year last year. I didn't complain and sucked it up. My colleague is now in a position to pick up their responsibilities as project leader as their schedule is now much less crowded, but is showing no signs of doing this. In fact, I have more than ever to do.

I enjoy the project work and do want to be involved at an appropriate junior level, but matters have now reached a point where I am being forced to make decisions that I am not really qualified to make, and I worry constantly about making mistakes that bring the project into disrepute as a result. I estimate that the project adds about 20 hours to my working week at this point, on top of three courses and research. My own research is definitely suffering, and as I am on the job market this year, I urgently need to get my own work done. I can't allow the current situation to continue.

However, my colleague is an absolutely terrible communicator. Often, they will fail to respond to particular emails hinting at this situation (though they will respond to other emails), and it is usually not possible to contact them by phone at all. They also miss project meetings, or conduct them remotely, making it harder for me to find a chance to discuss this with them.

Given the situation with the recommendation letter, how can I broach this subject with my senior colleague effectively? I don't want to annoy them, and I do want to be involved in the project. At the same time, I need to step back a little, and I need them to step up, regardless of personal circumstance. I just have no idea how to say this diplomatically!

[kedves]

Take this with a grain of salt, because I haven't been in your shoes.  I've always been one of the don't-complain-suck-it-up types you describe, but recently, I saw how misguided I have been.  That's why I bought The Book (although I haven't used it yet).

This sounds like a situation in which you could use Getting to Yes, the book often recommended by Zharkov.  The basic idea is that principled negotiation is an effective way for parties to work toward a common goal.  It involves rethinking the negotiation, away from "I want vs. you want" or "saying no vs. saying yes" toward "We both want X, Y, Z.  How can we get there together?"  A discussion of this type probably works best face-to-face when you can interpret each other's reactions fully.  If your colleague is a communication-avoider, a meeting is probably the only way to make the change you need.

I am oversimplifying; I recommend getting the book.  If you do an internet search for "principled negotiation," you will find more information about the approach.  Good luck! 

[zharkov]

 Often, they will fail to respond to particular emails hinting at this situation ....

Some people don't "do" hints.  You need to be simple and direct.

And as Kedves noted, Getting to Yes may help you craft some strategies to deal with your colleague.