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[movingforward]

Have you ever had an interaction in public with your child that looks or sounds so much worse than it really is?

I tell my 3.5 year old to keep her hands on the baby's stroller and to stay there where I can see her. She runs off down an aisle in the book store and yells "Can you see me now?" She does this three times in a row. The fourth time I grab her arm as she starts to run and swing her around back to where she had been standing. Because she is wearing new shoes that are slightly loose, they fall off and she starts to scream, not because it hurt, but because her shoes fell off.

I know that I swung her the same way as when we do it for fun. I also know she loves the shoes (pink and black ballet flats) and is afraid she will lose them because they are a little bit too big. But I know what it looked and sounded like to everyone in the store.

"Holy S***! She swung that kid so hard she knocked her shoes off!"

[the_honey_badger]

Nah, I'd give the trophy to Palin who has managed to make her pregnant 17 year old a national point of discussion.  I know when I was 17 I would have been *thrilled*

[collegekidsmom]

What matters most is that you keep her safe and close to you-which is what you were doing. It doesn't matter if people don't understand. You know what you were doing, and that you weren't hurting her in any way.Maybe she screamed because you were controlling her and she wanted to run away some more.

One time I heard a mother yell at her second grader when she saw her report card-she yelled

"You are SO stupid!!"

She didn't know I could hear her. Then she saw me, and told me I must think she is a bad mother.

[scheherazade]

One time I heard a mother yell at her second grader when she saw her report card-she yelled

"You are SO stupid!!"

She didn't know I could hear her. Then she saw me, and told me I must think she is a bad mother.

She was right, I hope, about what you thought of her.

I generally don't give a damn about what anyone thinks of my parenting.  Or anything else, really.  All those people in the store?  I likely will never see them again, and if I did, I wouldn't recognize them.  If I knew them well enough for it to matter, they would know me well enough to know I'm a good parent.

Working in retail and restaurants, though, I did see some horrific parenting.  And not the kind that can be misinterpreted.  I actually told a lady off for smacking her two-year-old repeatedly.  The kid's crime was that he got a bit impatient sitting in the cart while mom shopped for two and a half hours at the craft store.  He got a bit cranky, and everyone knows that a kid cries less when mom whacks them a few times real hard.  Right?

[collegekidsmom]

There are lots of differing opinions on whether to speak up when you see or hear parents doing inappropriate things. I always find it very shocking, and am saddened for the child. Unfortunately, plenty of people think that hitting kids is the way to discipline them. The woman that told her kid she was stupid within earshot of others was so stupid herself that I wasn't quite sure how to do or say something that could possibly benefit the child.

That same year, another mother was berating her kid for not being able to read better. She then turned to me and told me that she knows that children learn best by watching something, so she was surprised that even though she was trying to teach her daughter to read by having her watch TV shows about reading all afternoon-her daughter still could not read. She asked me how I had taught my children to read.  I suggested reading.

Another mother laughingly told me that her daughter was so friendly that she would probably be a prostitute when she grew up. This was supposed to be a joke. The child heard this comment from her mother.

I have a feeling that many, many children are being exposed to truly bad, damaging parenting. What can any of us do when we see or hear all of this? I usually make a comment, but don't feel it really helps and may escalate the situation for the child.

[acrimone]

This sort of stuff is why I am in favor of giving parents incredibly wide latitude before bringing the power of the state to bear.  I firmly believe that the only reason to remove a child from a parent's custody is a documented and judicially established threat of imminent death or permanent injury.

Whatever you might think of someone else's parenting, someone else is likely thinking yours at least as poor.

[scheherazade]

This sort of stuff is why I am in favor of giving parents incredibly wide latitude before bringing the power of the state to bear.  I firmly believe that the only reason to remove a child from a parent's custody is a documented and judicially established threat of imminent death or permanent injury.

Whatever you might think of someone else's parenting, someone else is likely thinking yours at least as poor.

I'm not arguing we snatch children away for many reasons, mind you, but...define "permanent injury."  Certainly a parent can injure a child in more ways than physically, and those injuries can bear worse fruit.

[acrimone]

True, but we have to be willing to suck up some severe but intangible injuries as false negatives to avoid doing greater harm by undermining the family authority structure through the proliferation of false positives.

Like most (though not all) things, it's a balancing act.  Reasonable minds can differ on where to draw the line.

[inthelab]

Nah, I'd give the trophy to Palin who has managed to make her pregnant 17 year old a national point of discussion.  I know when I was 17 I would have been *thrilled*

Yep, I'm with Yankeedan on this on.  Oh and neglecting your 4 month old child with Down syndrome, and deciding to fly on to give yet another campaign speech after your amniotic sac broke and you're in premature labor (bad mother of unborn child award).  Yessirree Bob.

[infopri]

When she was angry, a woman I used to know would tell her seven-year-old daughter (in a voice even I found scary, and I was well into my 20s), "I'll tear your heart out in four separate pieces!"

From the look on the daughter's face each time she heard this, she may have believed that her mother might one day carry through on the threat.

[acrimone]

...neglecting your 4 month old child with Down syndrome...

That's a pretty serious charge.

[zuzu_]

Nah, I'd give the trophy to Palin who has managed to make her pregnant 17 year old a national point of discussion.  I know when I was 17 I would have been *thrilled*

Yep, I'm with Yankeedan on this on.  Oh and neglecting your 4 month old child with Down syndrome, and deciding to fly on to give yet another campaign speech after your amniotic sac broke and you're in premature labor (bad mother of unborn child award).  Yessirree Bob.

Right on.

Pregnant women who continue working are terribly selfish, as is any woman who lets ambition get in the way of taking care of babies. Especially retarded babies. I know her husband is the primary caretaker of the children--that just goes against what nature and God intended.

[acrimone]

Right on.

Pregnant women who continue working are terribly selfish, as is any woman who lets ambition get in the way of taking care of babies. Especially retarded babies. I know her husband is the primary caretaker of the children--that just goes against what nature and God intended.

I think my Grape Nuts are now going to be permanently lodged in my sinus cavities.

Ouch.  What a mess.

[bluesocks]

This weekend when I was at the zoo with my 4 year old, we overhead a mom/daughter in the stall next to us in the bathroom.  The mom was saying to the child "You are bad, very, very bad.  Your dad thinks you are a good girl, but I know better.  You are the meanest girl I know.  You are bad."

I finally said (somewhat loudly) are you really speaking to your child like that?

I don't know--I don't always want to be judged by those moments of parenting (like you describe).  But, somethings are beyond believable.

blue

[inthelab]

Nah, I'd give the trophy to Palin who has managed to make her pregnant 17 year old a national point of discussion.  I know when I was 17 I would have been *thrilled*

Yep, I'm with Yankeedan on this on.  Oh and neglecting your 4 month old child with Down syndrome, and deciding to fly on to give yet another campaign speech after your amniotic sac broke and you're in premature labor (bad mother of unborn child award).  Yessirree Bob.

Right on.

Pregnant women who continue working are terribly selfish, as is any woman who lets ambition get in the way of taking care of babies. Especially retarded babies. I know her husband is the primary caretaker of the children--that just goes against what nature and God intended.

Her hsuband works on Alaska's north slope for BP when he's not a salmon fisherman.  Sort of hard to get home to the kiddies at night in Wasilia.  DS babies need a lot of rehab, intensive therapy, many doctor's visits, get a lot of upper respiratory infections, often need corrective surgeries.  Would her husband be there to oversee the needs of the baby, most of us I suspect wouldn't be posting.
A lot of us commented on her flying while in premature labor on another thread.