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[prof_smartypants]

You're not getting tenure, and everyone but you knows it.

I know you're not even up for four years, but we know.

[melba_frilkins]

Dear colleague,

I'm much too polite to tell you, but I have been quietly celebrating all day since I heard that they removed you from your important, key administrative position and gave you a mysterious job with a nice title and no duties.  Some of your newly-former employees feel the same way.  The new administrator actually seems both pleasant and sane.  Would it be impolite for us to send out for pizza?     

Pizza is fine. Ice cream and cake, however, would be too overtly celebratory.

[palla]

Letters to the editor do not count as publications.

[melba_frilkins]

You are a short. One of the advantages of that is that you should have no problems finding pants that are long enough for you. Why do you wear highwaters?

[paultuttle]

That you don't make sense when you're full o' painkillers.  Especially when I am, too.

[barcrossliar]

You did not send the version you intended to.  You would be mortified at what you did send.