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[labkid]

Dream R1 asked for a second visit. This will be my first TT position (I am a postdoc now), but I am not happy after realizing the dream R1 is 5 hour flight away from my husband. We are 1.5 hour flight apart right now, so weekend reunion by flight is not a big problem. If I move to the dream R1, it will become harder. Husband had a PhD in science, and just started his first job in an industrial research lab. I did not ask for spouse hiring because I know for a spouse with fresh PhD in science, the best they would offer is a postdoc position. Since my husband has a permanent position with real pay already we wouldn't like that.

My other option is a R3 200 miles away from my husband's job, but with high teaching load, long commute, limited research resource. 200 miles is still a long distance. We decided against it because it won't get us anywhere further.

 I applied several TT positions near my husband but got no response because these positions do not exactly fit my background. I am not a superstar. I am lucky enough to get two offers. Our plan is go to the R1. He will keep looking for position near me, though I am not very positive about it because we had tried this last year in my current place (east coast high tech city) and he ended up 500 miles away. The other option will be after a couple of years, negotiating for a TT spouse hiring with the R1 or move for a double TT hiring somewhere if both of us are productive.

I am depressed about another couple of years of long distance marriage. We are in this for three years already. During these years he got his PhD and we had a son. I feel our plan is right for our careers but not right for our son. There are so many uncertainties in our plan. I am losing hope on solving my two-body problem.

[hegemony]

Are you sure the best they'd offer is a postdoc position?  You don't know for certain till you ask.  Is there a down side to asking?  I'd ask.  Seriously.

[dr_zack]

I agree with hegemony - it's worth it to at least ASK!  You might be surprised!

In any case, I know it's not easy - I'll soon be a 5 hour flight from my partner, but we're taking it one year at a time and making sure we see each other as often as we can.  I'm excited about my new TT position, he's happy for me, and he's doing very well in his (non-academic) career.  Don't look at it in terms of the big picture, but in terms of investing in your (joint) future and take it year by year, month by month and day by day.  It doesn't sound like you have an offer yet, anyway, and it may be too soon to fret.