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[anon99]

...my partner makes at least $145,000 a year ... and gets 4 weeks of vacation ...

Given that his salary is so high, you could probably afford for him to do 4 day weekends every second or third week and fly out to visit you.  Combined with the regular holidays and summers, you should have plenty of time together.

[drspouse]

Thanks Prytania!  My partner knows he can't get "early" retirement - I mean, he can't draw on his retirement until he's 55 -- and also wouldn't be contributing to it (nor would his employer) in the intervening years.  Though we have a lot of equity in our home, we figure his leaving now, even if he he got a new job eventually (which we would want to do), would cost us $250,000 at least!

I don't think it's going to cost us quite that much, but mrspouse is coming to the US on sabbatical with me and won't be working for 8 months (plus will need to find a new job when he gets back) - so over one year our income will probably be reduced by about $50-60K.  For us the issue is, can we live on what we have and would we prefer to be together, not how much we'll lose.  I guess we're happy to spend that much to be together for that period of time.

You sound like over 5 years you'd lose the same amount, would it be worth that much per year to be with your partner?

[dr_zack]

Yes, my partner can telecommute, and will spend a week with me every month or so (more or less), and we'll have other time together, like Christmas, Spring Break and Summer, so I think it will work fine - and we'll just keep reassessing things.  If worse comes to worse I can make another choice after the first year - but, truth be told, we just don't know what will happen - we may like it just fine, or he may decide to just retire sooner rather than later, or...

[dr_dre]

It's hard to do comparison math. If Mrs. Dre lands what I've been calling her Dream Job in my TT-ville, she will earn 20K less than she is earning now. She could keep her current salary if she stayed here or moved to Big City 4 hours driving or 1 hour flying from TT-ville. At first, we thought that was the way to go, since the higher salary goes with the more ambitious job with more growth potential. But she would still have expenses living apart and in our case, those seemed to offset the difference. And how do we assign a dollar value to living together? It is much harder to sort all this out than I had anticipated. I don't think there are easy answers, since so much depends on the comfort levels of you and your partner. Best of luck!

[elena_2]

If you do decide to take the job, make sure to do everything you can to make yourself happy and comfortable in your new surroundings.  Take up some hobbies, try to make new friends.  Decorate your apartment the way you would like it.
When I left my partner behind, I was so fixated on when he would visit and when we would get to be together, I forgot to construct a happy life as a single for myself.

In your situation, I think the money helps a great deal.  Knowing you have the means to get on a plane to see your significant other makes a big difference.  The 5 year limit also makes a huge difference.

This is a very difficult decision, but I think it is doable.  Good luck to you!