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[songsofexperience]

My husband and I are in the same discipline (different but overlapping sub-fields) and we're both ABD at different places. The first year of our marriage we lived apart because we were adjuncting in different places but in January I "passed" one of my adjunct positions on to him and now we're living together. I went on the job market in September/October and have been so stressed out with it all. I'm now waiting to hear whether I will get a 3 year VAP but I'm beginning to feel like I won't get it. In the meantime, he wasn't on the market but was just offered a 1 year VAP at his current (adjunct) college. This is great since it means that at least one of us will be employed academically next year but it has raised a few issues for me:

1. I'm not jealous exactly but I am annoyed that I've put so much hard work into the last few months and essentially have nothing to show for it and that he did nothing and landed a VAP with no effort. Actually, I guess I'm more depressed than annoyed. When I think of how stressful the last 6-7 months have been I start crying.

2. When we first heard the rumor that he was going to be offered this 1 year VAP it still seemed likely that I would get the 3 year. The 3 year would involve us moving 1200 miles but it would be a cheaper cost of living. There would be no guarantee of academic work for my husband though. So he decided he wanted to stay and take his 1 year VAP meaning we'd have to live apart for another year. Financially this actually makes no sense because in supporting a second household we'd be eating up any extra money gained from us both having teaching jobs. He thinks having a VAP on his CV would be really helpful. I think he already has enough adjunct work on his CV to show that he can teach and what would be most helpful would be to have the Ph.D. in hand. Obviously, this goes for me too.

3. It leads me to feeling very negative about the future. If we can't even figure out a VAP issue what will we do when we're both on the market for TT jobs (assuming we can even each find one)? Originally, he said he would go wherever I got a job but now he has the VAP offer he's changed his mind. This doesn't bode well for the future. We were supposed to begin the adoption process in the fall but I don't see how we can do that if we're living apart although, as I said, it seems as though we'll both be where we are now and I will be working in an office or something so I guess we can go ahead with our plans to adopt.

Sorry. There's a lot of info here and obviously this is something of a rant but I'm really depressed about the fact that I don't think I'm getting the 3 year VAP, that I won't be working in academia next AY (unless a miracle occurs), and that even if I do get the 3 year VAP it probably means leaving my husband here and delaying starting a family. Other than teaching, I've spent the last 2.5 days in bed either crying or just staring into space. I guess I need to up my meds!

I know there is a positive spin to all of this somewhere but I can't see it right now.
Thanks for letting me vent.

[msparticularity]

Songs, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time right now. I think it's hard to overstate how stressful the job search is, so I'm not a bit surprised you're really suffering from the aftermath. I was lucky enough to get a job this time around, and I am, frankly, a mess - weepy, exhausted, the whole nine yards.

I just want to reaffirm what I think you already know - finishing your dissertation really has to be your priority right now. Not only that, but you need to get at least one article out for publication in a decent journal (if you haven't already done that). In a tight job market, having your degree in hand, decent pubs, and teaching experience is the magic combination that seems to lead to job-hunting success.

I don't know if this is helpful or not, but it occurred to me that your husband might be thinking that taking a one-year VAP apart from you is really no big deal because it is so clearly short-term. I totally understand your fear that this might mean something about how he would respond to future job decisions, but in his mind this might be really different from making a long-term commitment to live apart.

[secretweapon]

Songs, I'm not sure if I can help, but I can commiserate.  It looks like my SO might get a job this year and I might not get anything.  The job we think he will get will be fabulous for him, but it will leave very few options for me.  I'll effectively become an independent scholar and/or housewife.  I've applied to about 4 times as many jobs as him, and I'm a year ahead in my academic life.  I don't resent SO - I really want him to get the job he recently interviewed for - but I am very frustrated for myself. 

I agree with MsP.  You and your husband are probably both trying to find some crazy logic in this situation and do what is best for both of you - but it is so hard to know what your options are and what is the best long-term strategy.  I wouldn't take his desire to take the 1-year VAP as a sign of him not being committed to you.  In fact, he could argue that a 1-year position allows you both to stay in one place (minimizing moving stress and cost) for a year but doesn't commit you to it any longer than that, giving you the opportunity to find something better in under a year.  Then you can go on the market for TT jobs together next year, when you will both have the disses finished. 

If he takes this job and you have nothing, you'll get yourself a part-time job, finish the diss, publish like crazy, and maybe get started on the adoption process.  It will be tough but it will be for one year only, and you and your honey will get to stay together.  It will not be the end of the world and it won't be the end of your career options, either. 

Hang in there! 

[songsofexperience]

Thanks MsP and SW.

I do think you're right about the one year position for my husband. He did actually say yesterday that if I were offered the 3 year that he would come with me.

I do have one publication and a couple of others ready for submission so yes, I need to finish the diss and get those publications out. I've proved I am attractive enough as an ABD to get interviews so next year will be much better if I am finished with the diss.

I'm trying to relax about it all.

Good luck to you SW - I hope you find something or that your SO gets the fabulous job.

I think maybe I will take a short break from the fora and focus on the last week of classes, my grading, and things other than academic jobs and worrying about finances. Thanks for the support!