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[annon]

I had breast cancer in grad school. Also adopted. I got fired from ny assistantship right after the cancer diagnosis (and no the ADA law doesn't protect grad students. Apparently we aren't considered employees - tell that to my students - so I had no recourse). Same place plus my first job (when I was thinking about adopting again) felt that the fact that I adopted indicated I wasn't serious about my academic career. Can we say illegal???

It took 13 years to finish my PhD which made finding a job hard. Add to that age discrimination and getting a job is/was hard - two national level research awards not withstanding. The "loser factor" attributed to so many years to get out bites. I did discover that telling people I had had cancer was not wise so now I cover it with "immediate family crisis that required a temporary leave of absence" excuse. Still not perfect but better than the truth.

The a**hole factor in higher ed is higher than in industry and this makes it tricky what you disclose and what you do not. Higher ed is used to helpging those with learning disabilities but heaven help you if you have anything else before you have tenure and been on campus long enough that people see you can do your job and they then don't judge you first by your problems (well the a**holes still do but that is another story. Higher ed has problems with disciplining the tenured and some folks didn't get spanked enough when they were young. A department chair asked me what he could do and I told him to take away their allowance, make them teach at times they hate and really wreck their day by how it is spread around, and don't approve non-required things; that there were ways to punish; that tenure was no excuse not to deal with abusive faculty. I was a grad student with nothing much left to loose at that point. Don't know if I'd say that being an untenured faculty member now).

[spork]

[. . . ]
My sense is that people who have never been sriously ill or have had to caretake someone ill or disabled have no idea what it means.  All they have are media depictions and thier own values, so no matter how ill you may be, if you look okay or keep it together well, they don't understand. 

I tend to rely on the general narcissism of most folks, though, and assume they really don't care about my health or even notice if I'm not feeling well. 
[. . . ]

All true.

[gourmetless]

Sorry to hear of your troubles, annon.  It sounds as if there are two issues at work here: the illness and a crappy faculty.  Sometimes, a LOA is necessary in order to deal with life/health problems.  I also think that 'honesty' is overrated.  Even when I get to TT, or tenure itself (IF I do), I do not think my disclosure of my illness will be part of the deal.

Most people in my world do not need to know about my health issues.  Falls under the category of "None of their business or their concern." Close friends or family, sure.  But business colleagues or acquaintances, nope.  In grad school, most people did not know of my illness, purposely.  I told my diss adviser and a few friends, but kept it to myself otherwise.  So long as I can do my work, it is a need-to-know basis.  If I cannot do my work, I feel some explanation is warranted, but not the whole truth. 

In the fall, I had a flare of a disease I have, complicated  by a flare of another unrelated condition, complicated by a nasty bug which went into severe bronchitis.  I was ill for almost a month.  Only two people knew of the hospital visits, and the depth of the problems, and even then I was less than completely truthful.  The rest knew I had an extended illness. 

[lenniel]

Anon, that is such a sad story.  I am pleased, though, that you finished in the end and now have work that I trust is satisfying.  Are you now healthy? It is very interesting to me that they based some of their behavior on your adopting a child, but not too surprising given some of the general behavior in academia.

It is true that academe cares more for LDs in students, however I suspect that is because there is a lot of nifty funding available to help start programs.  Our kids get a lot of benefit, so I feel good recommending them for tests or counseling if they are in trouble.

When if comes to faculty and staff, though, they don't care much.  I have kept my illness to myself - except for a few very trusted colleagues - because I fear the scenario you describe.  I also don't want to be treated differently or have rumors of "she got the A because she was sick" and other nonsense.  So, I don't mention it and if I have a bad day, I just say I'm sick.  Fortunately, I don't get sick much and my bad days are not that numerous. 

Hope everyone here is taking care of themselves and getting rest!  Maybe we should start a check in programme like on the PA?

[claragold]

I have an illness that debilitates my productivity enormously, so I struggle as best as I can, usually negotiating to stretch deadlines a lot farther than normal with a whole series of complex excuses. I keep my illness private, I don't think my adviser would really like to know that I'm not in great shape, neither would I like to disclose it to him.

However there are times that the frustration when I feel too ill to work and can't do anything will drive me up the wall. Something that helped me at these recurring sick-feeling times is a phrase that I came across, "if you can't do one thing, go do another you can do." If I am feeling too sick that I can't concentrate, I try to do other things, even if not job/study-related. Other times, fortunately not as often, I need to tell myself, "it doesn't matter how sick you are feeling right now, you just need to work and get this done, there is no choice."   But I hate it, I hate being ill, I hate it.  And every little improvement in my condition is a cause to celebrate.

[hegemony]

Although I sympathize with not wanting to broadcast one's illness all over, it really helps me to know when my grad students have challenging health situations.  And boy howdy am I sympathetic.  Whereas I'm less sympathetic to the grad students who turn in work late because they're just slackers.

[gourmetless]

I like that idea, Lenniel.  Checking in periodically can be very beneficial, knowing that other academics are in a similar health situation, and can cheer me up, tell me to take it easy, or just plain 'get it' when I have a flare.

I am finishing up grades here, and starting to outline a schedule for the summer in terms of research, writing, and overall health.  I am finally on the other side of the end-of-the-semester flare, and my brain is beginning to function more normally again.

Claragold... I often do that.  I tend to work on things in short bursts, so that I keep my brain more focused.  Brain movement is just as important as body movement some days!  Stiffness and fog sets in no matter what, but at least I keep stretching the boundaries.

Everyone hates being ill.  What has helped me the most, I think, is learning to manage my illness so that I don't hit the wall so often.  I think it gets too easy sometimes to 'not' engage with family, friends, job, society, because it hurts and you are tired, and have no energy and would rather be sleeping/resting.  I try very hard to stay engaged.  I think not pushing yourself (very very carefully) makes it harder.  Of course, I am lucky in that my illness is moderate for now. 

The one thing that really gets me down (recently especially) is negativity.  I am struggling with this.  I find it hard to spend much time with people who are down themselves, because it saps my energy and makes me feel awful. I have had to cut a recently-made friend out of the loop in the past month, since it became apparent after a while that there was a conspiracy everywhere and everyone sucked.  I try to cheerlead, and then find myself falling into the morass of unhappiness. I feel like an awful friend, but also feel that I have to draw my boundaries somewhere.

 I try to stay positive, for so much of life is what you make of it.  When life hands you lemons, add vodka and stir.

[claragold]

Everyone hates being ill.  What has helped me the most, I think, is learning to manage my illness so that I don't hit the wall so often.  I think it gets too easy sometimes to 'not' engage with family, friends, job, society, because it hurts and you are tired, and have no energy and would rather be sleeping/resting.  I try very hard to stay engaged.  I think not pushing yourself (very very carefully) makes it harder.  Of course, I am lucky in that my illness is moderate for now.

right now I just need to put more effort in trying out new things to see if they can take away my mind off my illness and the relentless discomfort feelings  so that I get a bit more psychological respite

The one thing that really gets me down (recently especially) is negativity.  I am struggling with this.  I find it hard to spend much time with people who are down themselves, because it saps my energy and makes me feel awful. I have had to cut a recently-made friend out of the loop in the past month, since it became apparent after a while that there was a conspiracy everywhere and everyone sucked.  I try to cheerlead, and then find myself falling into the morass of unhappiness. I feel like an awful friend, but also feel that I have to draw my boundaries somewhere.

 I try to stay positive, for so much of life is what you make of it.  When life hands you lemons, add vodka and stir.

I hear you, I can't deal with negative or depressed people either. Neither with extremely old people, in state of living decay, it freaks me out. There is no doubt it takes a set of special skills to deal with negative people. On the other hand, there are other complicated type of profiles I can deal with, so I like to help when I can, too.

Best wishes in any case!

[hegemony]

I also find that one of the problems is this.  Sometimes you get a flare and you have to cut everything you can.  But you can only cut back on work and the necessities (laundry, grocery, paying bills) up to a certain point.  So what you cut is social life and fun.  Then you're sick and all you do is make it to class, do what class prep and grading you can manage, and go home and go to bed.  Life gets pretty dreary that way.  Yet I can't really say, "I'm canceling class today so I have enough energy to have lunch with a friend."  Grumble, grumble.

[claragold]

  Grumble, grumble.

ditto :-)

[gourmetless]

-growl growl-

Here's to making healthy and productive choices!

[lenniel]

That is so true and when tired, I know I retreat into the easiest road, not always the best. I have spent my life surrounded by people who were pretty ill and have done a lot of caretaking, so I have, in a way, had great examples of what not to do.  My mother retreats into minimalism, so the house falls apart, for example.  When she can't function, it gets very bad and I come sailing in to save the day.  her recent idea is to get a dog - she has 4 cats - and I am not interferring.  I will be gone over the summer (I live with her and take care of her when I am in school, head for my other home when done) so I am dreading how bad it will get.  I'm hiring a kid to mow the lawn - something I can no longer do - and another to clean, so that should help.  Mom's very young and a highly intelligent, capable person; she just doesn't always make the connection between healthy mind and body and healthy home.

Of course, I tend to overdo things and then become a crabby wreck, resentful and mean.  I am a very optimisitic person so avoid negativity, but it does wear on one when surrounded on all sides.  As a result, when I'm down, I am REALLY down.  I'm not good at handling that, and need to not go there as much as possible.

Is everyone doing okay with getting through the semester?  I got my grades done, handed in and only have one paper to finish, so the end is in sight!

I have to go for some tests on Monday - bleah.  It's the running like a rat on the treadmill thing, but I hate hospitals.  Hopefully, though, I'll get some good news and will be given the green light to travel abroad.  I can accept limitations, as long as I can still see some sights and learn for awhile longer.

My next healthy choice is to have ice cream!

[elsie]

One of the things I did for myself a few years ago when I was struggling terribly with my health (there were a couple years when I was in the operating room every six months) was to get someone to clean for me. My Avon lady had told me at the time that she cleaned for some elderly people in my neighborhood, so I finally asked if she'd be willing to clean for me as well. It was one of the best decisions I ever made because the house really had gotten to the point that I couldn't manage the mopping and so on. Even if you can't afford to have someone in very often, it can be well worth the money to save the energy for something else only you can do.

[threadkiller]

We just had a friend die.  I am trying to take care of myself b/c a death in the family is what sent me into a flare bad enough to get the doctor's to actually take it seriously several years ago. (I had heard years of "You are just too stressed out!  Have you tried exercise?")

[gourmetless]

Ice cream is a healthy choice!

Threadkiller, please take care of yourself.  Be careful.  I am sorry for your loss.