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[gennimom]

Did everyone survive Thanksgiving?  :)

I discovered that my guts get messed up the day after I fly. Good thing to know for the future, I suppose. Hopefully as I get better that will be less of a problem... we'll see.

Yes, as in I made it through. No, as in I made it through a "not quite major" episode. Panic attacks, extreme irritability, and absolute flatness are such fun.

Yep. We survived. I think!

Well, as if my chronic issues weren't enough, GD's have flared up. He finally went for his annual (semi-annual?) visit to the gastroenterologist yesterday. He is scheduled for an upper GI on the 8th, and a lower one on the 15th. Can someone please explain to me the logic behind the insurance refusing to pay for them both to be done on the same day?

I'm just worried that his achalasia has gotten bad enough to require the esophagus surgery now. I hope not.

Ho, ho, ho... Merry Christmas to you. :)

You know what the scary part is? I found some info on the web that says get an experienced surgeon in this type of surgery. The death rate doubles with inexperienced ones.

Yay.

[msparticularity]

GM, there is a tremendous amount of data that shows that risks of all kinds in surgery are related to the experience of the practitioners--and this includes not only the surgeon(s) but the anesthesiologist as well. At the same time, sometimes what they mean when they say that the risk of death (for example) is doubled is that it goes from .4% to .8%. (Not that you want any risk at all, of course, but there's also risk from not having some surgeries.)

I'm thoroughly disgruntled today, and still feeling rather ill as well. Yesterday was just hideous. My office was recarpeted over the break, which involved a fair amount of logistical stuff before and after. Yesterday, after 45 minutes putting all my stuff away again, I was completely overcome by nausea and dizziness--apparently due to the fumes from the carpet glue. The new stuff they use is not nearly as bad as the old kind, and no one else was bothered, but I felt hideous! The worst part is that just getting away from it didn't make me feel better immediately, so apparently it's taking some time to really clear from my system. I am better today, but still not feeling very good; my stomach is upset and I feel kind of generally yucky.

I will NOT be working in my own office for awhile. I'm probably going to be camping out in the conference room and/or other nearby spaces. Fortunately, I am set up to work at home, so I really just have to go in to hold office hours and teach.

I hope everyone else is hanging in there this week, and that life is improving for all!

[msmicrobe]

I had a rice sock thing and it was supposed to be heated for one minute only. 

Any rice will work. I've used brown rice, white rice, and minute rice! My kids take rice packs to bed every night. The trick is to put the dry rice bag in the microwave beside a mug of water. Then the rice doesn't burn. Why this works, I do not know. I go a minute at a time and check the rice until I know how long that bag takes to reach optimal temp. Not so hot you yelp when holding it, not so little that you don't want to hug it. I mix the rice (tip the bag a few times) before handing it over to the kids.

My son's bag is quite large and I do it with my daughter's together for a solid 4 minutes. That's what I've learned it takes in our microwave.

Don't forget the mug of water!

[shambelle]

Genni,

I don't know where you are in the world, but if you're willing to travel for an outstanding GI surgeon, let me know. Mine is incredible.   :)

You know what the scary part is? I found some info on the web that says get an experienced surgeon in this type of surgery. The death rate doubles with inexperienced ones.

Yay.

As an unrelated aside, does anyone here give themselves shots? I give myself a B12 shot on the 1st of each month. This was my 4th month doing it. My nurse observed, when she taught me how to do it in the office, that I was different from other patients because I didn't hesitate - I just did the shot. I'm not one to have issues when it comes to caring for myself. I've dealt with amazingly disgusting things related to my Crohn's - this is a little stick in the leg.

This morning, I freaked out. I froze, and literally sat with the syringe held above my leg for 10 minutes.

If you give yourself injections, has this happened to you? It was so weird, and I'm nervous that it's going to happen again. I didn't give myself as good a shot this time, either - my leg hurts. I mean, I know I did it correctly because it's an IM injection, so it should hurt. I'm going to talk to my nurse when I go for my next infusion on the 21st... maybe when I give myself the happy new year shot, things will be different.

[msparticularity]

If you give yourself injections, has this happened to you? It was so weird, and I'm nervous that it's going to happen again. I didn't give myself as good a shot this time, either - my leg hurts. I mean, I know I did it correctly because it's an IM injection, so it should hurt. I'm going to talk to my nurse when I go for my next infusion on the 21st... maybe when I give myself the happy new year shot, things will be different.

Shambelle, I don't inject myself, but I have gone through times of getting a lot of injections,and over the years I have given a lot of injections to pets. There just seems to be a lot of variation in how well it goes--both at the hands of very experienced nurses (for me) and when I am putting in needles for subcutaneous fluids for my pets. Experience helps, and some people just do seem to have a better touch, but some days it's just harder. I always take a moment to pray and to center myself, but there are times when I am more jangled, more rushed, more conflicted, and far less able to hit a good spot on the first attempt.

The Poodle sends you his sympathies, incidentally. We're about to go have his fluids, so his empathy is very deep and very real. :)

[gennimom]

Great tip, MsMicrobe! Thanks!

Yeah, MsP, I understand the difference between .4 and .8%. Unfortunately this is more like the difference between 3-8% and 16-23%. Without the decimals. And after reading it, I realize it more than doubles. Gave me the heebie jeebies, it did! Fortunately, although they don't list any doctors in our favorite towns, there seems to be one in that city to the northwest.

I've already been through TWO life threatening surgeries with him. I can't get used to it. Even though I know that he WOULD have died without them. Ugh.

Shambelle, I've never hidden this so, I'm in Mississippi. Quite a few others know, or have figured out exactly where! :)

[msparticularity]

Yeah, MsP, I understand the difference between .4 and .8%. Unfortunately this is more like the difference between 3-8% and 16-23%. Without the decimals. And after reading it, I realize it more than doubles. Gave me the heebie jeebies, it did! Fortunately, although they don't list any doctors in our favorite towns, there seems to be one in that city to the northwest.

I've already been through TWO life threatening surgeries with him. I can't get used to it. Even though I know that he WOULD have died without them. Ugh.

Sorry-- I didn't mean to insult your research-savvy! I just also know that sometimes it's easy to get overwhelmed by the information when it's someone we love. And I totally agree that you've already had WAY too much to handle and to be scared about. :(

[gennimom]

Yeah, MsP, I understand the difference between .4 and .8%. Unfortunately this is more like the difference between 3-8% and 16-23%. Without the decimals. And after reading it, I realize it more than doubles. Gave me the heebie jeebies, it did! Fortunately, although they don't list any doctors in our favorite towns, there seems to be one in that city to the northwest.

I've already been through TWO life threatening surgeries with him. I can't get used to it. Even though I know that he WOULD have died without them. Ugh.

Sorry-- I didn't mean to insult your research-savvy! I just also know that sometimes it's easy to get overwhelmed by the information when it's someone we love. And I totally agree that you've already had WAY too much to handle and to be scared about. :(

It's all right. I'm just a little worked up at the moment. I'll settle down in a day or so. We just found out he had to have these first two procedures yesterday. I wasn't trying to jump!

[msparticularity]

Yeah, MsP, I understand the difference between .4 and .8%. Unfortunately this is more like the difference between 3-8% and 16-23%. Without the decimals. And after reading it, I realize it more than doubles. Gave me the heebie jeebies, it did! Fortunately, although they don't list any doctors in our favorite towns, there seems to be one in that city to the northwest.

I've already been through TWO life threatening surgeries with him. I can't get used to it. Even though I know that he WOULD have died without them. Ugh.

Sorry-- I didn't mean to insult your research-savvy! I just also know that sometimes it's easy to get overwhelmed by the information when it's someone we love. And I totally agree that you've already had WAY too much to handle and to be scared about. :(

It's all right. I'm just a little worked up at the moment. I'll settle down in a day or so. We just found out he had to have these first two procedures yesterday. I wasn't trying to jump!

No to worry--I think I'm the one who was obnoxious. And I'll be thinking good thoughts for you guys!

[gennimom]

Yeah, MsP, I understand the difference between .4 and .8%. Unfortunately this is more like the difference between 3-8% and 16-23%. Without the decimals. And after reading it, I realize it more than doubles. Gave me the heebie jeebies, it did! Fortunately, although they don't list any doctors in our favorite towns, there seems to be one in that city to the northwest.

I've already been through TWO life threatening surgeries with him. I can't get used to it. Even though I know that he WOULD have died without them. Ugh.

Sorry-- I didn't mean to insult your research-savvy! I just also know that sometimes it's easy to get overwhelmed by the information when it's someone we love. And I totally agree that you've already had WAY too much to handle and to be scared about. :(

It's all right. I'm just a little worked up at the moment. I'll settle down in a day or so. We just found out he had to have these first two procedures yesterday. I wasn't trying to jump!

No to worry--I think I'm the one who was obnoxious. And I'll be thinking good thoughts for you guys!

Thanks! Do you know how hard it is to act normal when you want to scream at the world? I mean, geez, the list of chronic illnesses for us is starting to sound like a who's who.

Achalasia
IBS
Isaac's
Epilepsy

Well, we have the digestive and neuro systems covered, anyway.

[msparticularity]

Yeah, MsP, I understand the difference between .4 and .8%. Unfortunately this is more like the difference between 3-8% and 16-23%. Without the decimals. And after reading it, I realize it more than doubles. Gave me the heebie jeebies, it did! Fortunately, although they don't list any doctors in our favorite towns, there seems to be one in that city to the northwest.

I've already been through TWO life threatening surgeries with him. I can't get used to it. Even though I know that he WOULD have died without them. Ugh.

Sorry-- I didn't mean to insult your research-savvy! I just also know that sometimes it's easy to get overwhelmed by the information when it's someone we love. And I totally agree that you've already had WAY too much to handle and to be scared about. :(

It's all right. I'm just a little worked up at the moment. I'll settle down in a day or so. We just found out he had to have these first two procedures yesterday. I wasn't trying to jump!

No to worry--I think I'm the one who was obnoxious. And I'll be thinking good thoughts for you guys!

Thanks! Do you know how hard it is to act normal when you want to scream at the world? I mean, geez, the list of chronic illnesses for us is starting to sound like a who's who.

Achalasia
IBS
Isaac's
Epilepsy

Well, we have the digestive and neuro systems covered, anyway.

There ought to be a grant-funded project in there somewhere! Seriously, though, I read a long time ago that there appears to be an increased incidence of autoimmune disorders among spouses of those with them--something on the order of a 30% increase. This is part of the argument for a viral trigger that activates a genetic predisposition. In our case, MrP developed chronic fatigue before he ever met me. My family has a history of RA, but my own problems didn't blossom until we had been together for a couple of years.

[alleyoxenfree]

This may be the wrong thread for this, and if so, feel free to point me to the right one.  I also confess I have not had time to read this entire thread yet and the search engine is not helping me. 

My health is good now, but some time back I went through a prolonged series of surgeries during which I could do nothing but have a surgery, teach, have a surgery and teach, rinse and repeat.  During that time, I worked on turning my dissertation into a book, since I couldn't travel to do new research and having the book was the thing that would make a difference for tt in my field.  I managed to keep my Lecturer job and even progress in terms of jobs that, while not tt, had better teaching loads and courses, titles, and so on.  But they were in bad places or, in one case, had serious campus problems that went well beyond our department but made teaching there hellish.

My question is really this.  I am on the market again, trying still to find a decent job and I feel as though if I could just tell the truth about what I was doing in those years, it would explain a lot.  Yet I also feel it would sink any application because who would want to hire someone who had been seriously ill (even though I'm fine now, thanks to all the surgeries)? 

It's even begun to sour me on academia, although I love students and my research and the field in theory.  While you're supposed to feel that you survived it all for a reason, it seems I survived it all for crickets, poverty, and the condescension of people who can't understand how someone with such promise could fail to turn it into a "win" so far. 

What do you do when you want to scream just what the damn truth was, and the fact that actually, you might be not only great at what you do but damn heroic to yourself and your friends.  Professionally, it seems like suicide, yet your CV can read like a puzzlement to others. 

We have become a field of such rigidity, one that seems to admit no element of human life - unlike those of my friends who work in law, medicine, K-12.  They move, for instance, from big law firms to smaller, to in-house with clients, or to law libraries, just because they want a change.  They have children and don't lose tenure.  No one kicks them out of law for wanting a change, an improvement, a chance to live with their spouse, or a different work schedule.  No one questions whether their presentation was at the "right" conference or whether the money they brought in or the clients they drew were the "right" ones. 

How have any of you coped with mysteries in your CV that might be brought on by your illnesses?

[lenniel]

Hi all,

Sounds like everyone survived the holiday with minimal damage, though I am very sorry your husband is facing more surgery, gennimom.  That's a total drag.  Let me know if you want to come to NY - I live within blocks of an excellent medical facility, and my other half has been seeing the best surgeon in these parts.  Our couch was probably designed by Stalin, but there is a nice B&B...:)

Are you feeling better now, shambelle? 

Joints okay, Ms-P?  How are you doing, biomancer and biblithecula?

Is the new doctor helping at all, ms_turtle?  For awhile, it seemed like there was a little progress.  Are you getting better quality sleep? 

alleyoxenfree, you are welcome to join us, and I have no experience with your question, but I do have interesting gaps on my CV.  Mostly, I left academia to work in a different field for about 12 years, and then came back.  It is my understanding, though, that you cannot be discriminated against for health issues like this, and it is also illegal for people to ask.  (They also can't ask if you are married and your age).  I'm not certain what the protocol is for mentioning this, and I just don't.  On occasion, I mention in a cover letter the field I was in, but my CV also shows that I never stopped working in my primary field, either.  (I'm a musician, so I never stopped gigging, teaching and recording)

I agree about the rigidity in academia, and in these times of financial cutbacks, it is much worse.  The job market for the past 2 years has been abysmal, difficult and limited, and next year might be the same.  I suspect the difficulty you are experiencing is more a byproduct of the market than you, as clearly you have been able to continue to teach and do research in an academic setting.  I'm sure others here with more experience than I will have better advice!

To be honest, I have told very few people about my condition because I fear being judged or denied work.  I lost a job once due to illness, and it was not legal, so I am nervous about letting people know.  Also, my illness does not really impact anything yet, except that I have bad spells with stairs and cold.  I can work around these so far, and just brush it off.  I hate pity and especially that fake "gee, I really care about you" thing that people do when they find out you are sick.  Their entire perspective changes, and everything about you becomes The Illness.  I am not my illness, I am many things.  The illness is just one thing, and I can deal with it most of the time. 

These days, I am trying to keep my other half together, work, write and keep my mother together.  Both are ill, though they still don't know what is wrong with my mother.  Fortunately, she is proactive and angry about this, so she's her own best advocate.  It's been a long few months, though.  I've been staying free from flu and colds, thank goodness, though have been having more trouble catching my breath.  I think it is the coming cold and fatigue.  I do like my brisk walks, though the cold gives me a nice, hacking cough.  At least people leave me alone!

Hope everyone is staying healthy and sane as we head into the final throes of the semester!

[gennimom]

MsP, you may be on to something there. I developed my IBS after several years of dealing with GD's problems. We were married in 1999 and he started having problems with his achalasia again in early 2000. Then he started passing out in 2001 and had the brain surgery in 2003. I developed pain bad enough to keep me from working in early 2004, which is when I was diagnosed with IBS. Things got better until 2005 when GD started having seizures. I dealt with him and Genni as an infant for over a year. I think I showed early signs of the Isaac's as far back as 2007 but didn't get bad until 2008. Now that we seem to at least understand my Isaac's, his achalasia is kicking up.

GD and I used to say we took turns. Maybe we really do!

New York is a little far for us, Lenniel, but thanks for the offer!

Alley, I wish I knew what to tell you. GD has the same issue on his resume. At least he has the option of choosing between a chronological and a functional resume. Do we have the equivalent in CVs?

[ms_turtle]

It's even begun to sour me on academia, although I love students and my research and the field in theory.  While you're supposed to feel that you survived it all for a reason, it seems I survived it all for crickets, poverty, and the condescension of people who can't understand how someone with such promise could fail to turn it into a "win" so far. 

What do you do when you want to scream just what the damn truth was, and the fact that actually, you might be not only great at what you do but damn heroic to yourself and your friends.  Professionally, it seems like suicide, yet your CV can read like a puzzlement to others. 

If I ever find an answer, I'll let you know. The whole situation sucks eggs.

Is the new doctor helping at all, ms_turtle?  For awhile, it seemed like there was a little progress.  Are you getting better quality sleep? 

Maybe it's a positive sign in that I do feel better (less crazy? more secure?) at the end of a session with him. Sessions with anyone are mentally exhausting, but this feels different.

Yeah, MsP, I understand the difference between .4 and .8%. Unfortunately this is more like the difference between 3-8% and 16-23%. Without the decimals. And after reading it, I realize it more than doubles. Gave me the heebie jeebies, it did! Fortunately, although they don't list any doctors in our favorite towns, there seems to be one in that city to the northwest.

I've already been through TWO life threatening surgeries with him. I can't get used to it. Even though I know that he WOULD have died without them. Ugh.

Yikes, just yikes.



In other news, I bought a treadmill. Metaphor for, and reality of, life shall become one.