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figee
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« on: March 30, 2008, 09:56:30 PM » |
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We've done this before. You need to give an answer and a question in your post. The question refers to the answer given in the above posting, the answer is for the next poster's question. OK?
Q: Does everyone understand?
A: (for the next poster) I put it down here somewhere.
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"Eating at the Italian restaurant was a mistake." - student explaining how food poisoning was contracted while on fieldwork in Orissa.
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iamgonow
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« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2008, 10:04:58 PM » |
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Q. - Hey, what happened to my sandwich?
A. - The devil's own offspring.
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rockprof
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« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2008, 10:08:31 PM » |
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Q. - The love child of Hillary Clinton and George Bush
A. - What is this rash?
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The secret of teaching is to appear to have known all your life what you learned this afternoon.
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giacomo
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« Reply #3 on: March 30, 2008, 11:02:11 PM » |
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Q. What shouldn't be the first thing you say on a blind date?
A. Don't crush that gnome, hand me the pliers
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the_honey_badger
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« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2008, 11:18:51 PM » |
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Q: What do I need to have for the lab session on Friday?
A. A short man, a Shetland pony and a box of Twinkies
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« Last Edit: March 30, 2008, 11:19:42 PM by yankeedan »
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_____________________________________
"Honey badger don't care."
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giacomo
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« Reply #5 on: March 31, 2008, 05:35:24 PM » |
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Q. Who are the members of your dissertation defense committee?
A. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto
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conjugate
Compulsive punster and insatiable reader, and
Member-Moderator
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 17,026
Tends to have warped sense of humor
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« Reply #6 on: March 31, 2008, 05:41:06 PM » |
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Q. What would not be the best thing to say to an angry student complaining about foreign accents of the instructional staff?
A. Five miles from Earth, loosed from its dream of life
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Unfortunately, I think conjugate gives good advice.
∀ε>0∃δ>0∋|x–a|<δ⇒|ƒ(x)-ƒ(a)|<ε |
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polly_mer
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« Reply #7 on: March 31, 2008, 11:43:20 PM » |
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Q. Where did my balloon go?
A. And that's why monkeys can't draw.
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If you haven't got either the anatomical or metaphorical balls to post your own question on a pseudonymous internet forum, then academia is the wrong job for you.
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figee
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« Reply #8 on: April 01, 2008, 02:02:01 AM » |
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Q. The combination of monkeys and typewriters is the source of the many political pamphlets we've been innundated with recently. According to union regulations, the artwork is done by a team of specially trained hamsters, who skate over the paper with sponges attached to their paws. It would save time and money to have the hamsters do both text and artwork, but their union rep won't allow them to be trained to operate the typewriters. The monkeys, on the other hand, are willing to draw, but only if given danger money because of the risks inherent in skating. The company can't afford that, so that's why the hamsters won't be doing the text. What's the other consequence again?
(polly_mer, that was tricky and I don't really know if the above makes sense)
A: A post-it note, three red biros and a stick of salami.
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"Eating at the Italian restaurant was a mistake." - student explaining how food poisoning was contracted while on fieldwork in Orissa.
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titian
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« Reply #9 on: April 01, 2008, 03:34:31 AM » |
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Figee, I am truly impressed by the monkey explanation.
Q: What is in the lower left desk drawer?
A: Peanut butter, pickles, and a cherry slushee
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rockprof
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« Reply #10 on: April 01, 2008, 08:34:53 AM » |
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Q: What is a typical dinner for a pregnant woman?
A: A shovel, a large tarp, and a change of clothes.
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The secret of teaching is to appear to have known all your life what you learned this afternoon.
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anonynony
Perpetually a
Member
Posts: 100
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« Reply #11 on: April 01, 2008, 09:09:48 AM » |
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Q: What's the most alarming combination of things to find in the trunk of a borrowed car?
A:wheat, fields of wheat, cream of wheat
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Progress is slow and often nonexistent.
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daurousseau
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« Reply #12 on: April 01, 2008, 09:23:04 AM » |
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Q: What is an example of nature's poetry, i.e. the process of Dichtung or thickening (condensation)?
A. Because it's thar.
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fishbrains
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« Reply #13 on: April 01, 2008, 11:03:48 AM » |
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Q. What will a gynecologist have to say to his/her patients if abortion is banned?
A. Retention initiative
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"My face is going green behind the mask . . ." ~ Peter Shaffer's Equus
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conjugate
Compulsive punster and insatiable reader, and
Member-Moderator
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 17,026
Tends to have warped sense of humor
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« Reply #14 on: April 01, 2008, 12:10:02 PM » |
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Q. What was that program that drove the Vice President of Student Affairs mad?
A. 12 cubic feet of old journals, and several indignant spiders.
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Unfortunately, I think conjugate gives good advice.
∀ε>0∃δ>0∋|x–a|<δ⇒|ƒ(x)-ƒ(a)|<ε |
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