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[norvell]

I completely agree with what other posters have said about having a frugal mindset. I will finish my PhD program this year as a thirty-something father of four. Before my wife and I married she made it clear that she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I also made my intentions of graduate study clear. We both knew that we'd be poor for a long time and that we would likely never catch up to some of our friends in financial terms.

 Despite all that, when I began my doctoral studies (at a private R1 in the rust belt) we were able to purchase a decent house (under $80K) and drive 2 cars. We shop at thrift stores, buy in bulk at Sam's Club, I ride my bike when the weather allows to save on gas, and do everything else we can to scrimp and save. I've had to forgo some of my hobbies and we have lived a very frugal lifestyle. That said, my kids have a pretty good lifestyle. The older ones participate in a variety of community programs (sports, music, arts, etc.) and while they don't have a PS3 or Wii (I probably wouldn't get them one even if I could afford it), they are having a pretty balanced/healthy childhood.

In our circumstance, we haven't spent anywhere near $10k in the first year for any of our children. Admittedly, a large part of that is because my wife stays at home and we don't incur childcare costs. She is able to nurse the baby until the kid is able to begin eating. We haven't spent a dime on formula. We don't buy baby food, but mash fruit/cereal/vegetables on our own to feed the baby. Health costs have been variable. For a while my school did not offer a family policy to students. During that time I was on school insurance and the family was on Medicaid. Now, I'm on a family policy through the school. I do pay part of the premiums, and that is more expensive for me, but the state is no longer paying for it. I will finish my doctoral program with about $60K of debt, mostly subsidized Stafford loans, but about $10K of home equity.

At the end of the day, we've decided to have kids knowing full well what the financial consequences would be. There have been challenges, but we've been able to make it, and I wouldn't change any of the family decisions we've made. Note: the "we" in the preceding statements is absolutely crucial.

After a tough day at school, nothing beats hearing "DADDY'S HOME!!"

[nomad]

I splurged on a few things in the first year. Husand in school.

Car seat
Stroller that would hold car seat
Breast Pump
Nursing bras
Nursing shirts

I used the following
WIC - funded by government
California Healthy Families (low cost health care for low income families - funded by state)
Medi-cal (no cost heath care for no income families - funded by state)
sliding scale scholarship at the local JCC - pay what you can.  JCCs are great for preschool for kids over 2. I also went to mommy and me there as well.  (funded by fundraisers)
Walmart
Target (I love target)
Cosco (diapers and wipes)
Nursing until 2 (much cheaper)

My biggest help
Mom
Working only part time and often from home. Less money. More resources.

Surprises I encountered the first year
Eye problems which needed a specialist (first child)
Reflux which needed a specialist (both children)

Surprises in the following 2-4 years. Me in school.
Ear tubes (second child)
tongue tied (second child)
Phonological speech delay (second child)
Autism (first child)
Autism (second child)
ABA therapy (Both children - paid for by state/school)
Intensive Speech Therapy (second child - paid for by state/school)
Therapeutic preschool (Second child - paid for by state)
Respite (Both children - paid for by state)

So my point is that you don't know what is to come. Life throws some pretty big surprises at you. BUT, know where to look for help.  There is a lot of financial help if you ask.  There is always some way to get what you need when you need it. You don't need to be rich, just smart. Don't be afraid to take what is offered to you. Don't be afraid to ask. Do what you need to do. Go to school. Take care of your kids. Do what it takes to make everything work. It wont be easy but it is worth it.

[autie13]

Two words for you

Craig's List

[ack196]

At the end of the day, we've decided to have kids knowing full well what the financial consequences would be. There have been challenges, but we've been able to make it, and I wouldn't change any of the family decisions we've made. Note: the "we" in the preceding statements is absolutely crucial.

After a tough day at school, nothing beats hearing "DADDY'S HOME!!"

I completely agree with norvell. When you have kids you know the financial consequences that can arise, unfortunately there are surprises along the way; you need to accept that. But like norvel says the best part of the day is coming home and hearing those magic words "DADDY'S HOME!!" it takes all the worries away.

I am just getting started in my graduate school and realizing some of the challenges and rewards of doing this with kids. I agree with most posters about going the frugal route. That is what my wife and I have done with our three kids and did not spend anywhere near that $10K some people have put out there. It helps to have some good friends and family to pass along clothes and time to babysit for free. We have been blessed in that regards. There are a ton of ways to cut cost and avoid running up huge amounts of debt.

There is only one other thing that I think needs to be mentioned and I am very fortunate for this fact. You need a loving, supporting, and understanding spouse to be able to make it through this. Working together and have a clear understanding on the situation up front will help save you a lot of time and effort(and $$). I am very thankful to have a wife who is taking this journey with me. It is not always going to be easy but coming home to the kids and her make it worth the time and effort.

[hythloday]

A non-financial thought:

Don't wait for a big chunk of time to fall in your lap. This is especially true for diss. writing. I was the type of person who had to have a 6-8 hour stretch in which to write. Now, with a 12-week old at home, I'm having to figure out how to write during stolen moments (4 hours at most). The adjustment is rough, but I'm getting work done, and that's what counts.

Write every day, even if for only 10 or so minutes.

[elemental]

Of course it's possible to have a child when both parents are in grad school. Two stipends can be perfectly adequate. We paid for everything on our own, and never felt that we were shortchanging our child. Of course, just like other posters, we kept the level of 'stuff' to a minimum, just making sure that safety was covered. But this was as much from personal conviction that babies don't need expensive stuff as from necessity. Things that help, as others have mentioned: having as little commuting time as possible, ideally being on the same campus and passing baby back and forth (saves on daycare, gets both parents involved, and gives baby lots of nice long walks in the fresh air!), and having two programs that pay stipends (i.e. no fees, not incurring debt, etc).   

[msmommy]

1 word -- FreeCycle

Freecycle.org and find a local group

I have gotten a crib& mattress for a friend of mine.
I've seen carseats being given away.
I've been the giver of toys.
I've been the receiver of clothes for me and my dd, including nice shoes.
I've been the receiver of specialty formula when we had a FTT issue in our 4th baby - $35 per can stuff.

As you have more kids they are less expensive since things like cribs are bought once in my family.  Oh, I bought a playpen at a thriftstore basically new for $5, the price was marked $10, but I got it for $5.

My nursing clothing was made by me or purchased at a consignment shop.  My bras I bought new, 2 at a time.  I bought my breastpump on ebay for less than 1/2 of a new one.

If you strictly co-sleep you never need a crib, I value my sleep and need more restful sleep than I can get w baby in the bed with us, so we have a pack N play next to our bed.

How to do Grad school with kids?  For me, my dh works full-time, he has no desire to go to grad school and his career field does not require it.  He has done specific training courses and he hates them.   I've been at home since our 2nd child was born.  I'm going back part-time starting this summer I hope and we are paying for classes as I go.

My sacrifices will be minimal IMO.  Grad school part-time in programs desided for career working individuals is clearly a different ball game to Full-time Grad schools with stipends, RA, and TA requirements.