octoprof
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« Reply #600 on: February 08, 2012, 08:25:52 PM » |
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I don't think the culture you describe and the "helicoptering" phenomenon are one and the same.
True. You could, however, still be right.
Unlikely! Pessimist. |
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Let us consider that we are all partially insane. It will explain us to each other; it will unriddle many riddles; it will make clear and simple many things... Mark Twain
It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. Professor Dumbledore
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punchnpie
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« Reply #601 on: February 08, 2012, 08:47:20 PM » |
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Did your folks do that for you in your first place? Would you have wanted them to, or was it fun it do it yourself? Might Punch Jr. think it was fun to do his own place up exactly the way he wants?
Punch jr doesn't care about decorating. I do and it would be fun for me and one less chore for him. My mother didn't overtly decorate my place, but she did crap like buying stuff from yard sales and dropping it by - then wanting to be paid for what she spent, even though I hadn't asked her to buy anything. That went on even after I asked her to stop. There's a reason why I moved to the opposite coast and why I now live in the cornfields. Sometimes you have to put some physical distance between you and the parent. |
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What about all them other professors – ain’t they your kin? Good God, no. I loathe them and they loathe me. – Sunset Limited
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melba_frilkins
Doing laundry.
Member-Moderator
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 8,136
Doing laundry (still)
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« Reply #602 on: March 04, 2012, 01:48:42 AM » |
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Dim and Dash: Making the GradeYour helicoptered Snowflakes may benefit from a copy of this poster.
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johnr
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« Reply #603 on: March 06, 2012, 02:35:22 AM » |
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I admit that I didn't go through all 40+ pages of posts, so my apologies if the following is quite common and already much discussed. A couple of days ago I received a phone call from a mother who wanted to schedule meetings with various faculty in our department, for her daughter, who was contemplating GRAD school. This women had every intention of flying across county with her daughter, over spring break, to interview faculty about their research and funding for her daughter. I must admit the woman was well informed, but for god's sake!
I've encountered the occasional undergrad helicopter parent, but this is first for me. It actually took me a few minutes to even realize that she was talking about grad school (I'm in a STEM field). I was polite, and answered her questions, but after I hung up, I realized that I should have said, "Ma'am, with all due respect, in our field, we look for intelligent, independent, and resourceful grad students, above all. A master's thesis, or a dissertation, is an exercise in discipline, perseverance, and self-motivation. Unless your daughter is a 12-year old prodigy, no advisor in their right mind is going to take on a graduate student who had their mother schedule their appointments. You might not realize it, but you are poisoning your daughter's well."
Maybe the daughter didn't know that the her mother was doing this and would be horrified to find out.
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"When I die, I hope it's in a committee meeting. The transition from life to death will be barely perceptible."
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mystictechgal
Happy in my "full, rich adulthood", and as a
Member-Moderator
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Posts: 9,937
One step at a time
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« Reply #604 on: March 06, 2012, 02:44:51 AM » |
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Maybe, but I wouldn't count on it. Most moms aren't small enough to fit easily, unnoticed, into their daughter's luggage. If she is planning on coming along on the campus visits I have to believe that her daughter is aware of it.
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If a pouting pluot ploughman planted pluots in a plot, and the plot were ploughed on Pluto, would his pluot ploy play out?
"Is all the same, only different" -- Dr. H. L. |
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yemaya
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« Reply #605 on: March 06, 2012, 04:06:47 AM » |
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Maybe, but I wouldn't count on it. Most moms aren't small enough to fit easily, unnoticed, into their daughter's luggage. If she is planning on coming along on the campus visits I have to believe that her daughter is aware of it.
It's possible, though the daughter may be horrified at her (pushy) mother's plan. Alternatively, grad school might not be the daughter's idea at all... |
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Historians are gossips who tease the dead. ~Voltaire
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polly_mer
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« Reply #606 on: March 06, 2012, 08:17:28 AM » |
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Maybe, but I wouldn't count on it. Most moms aren't small enough to fit easily, unnoticed, into their daughter's luggage. If she is planning on coming along on the campus visits I have to believe that her daughter is aware of it.
It's possible, though the daughter may be horrified at her (pushy) mother's plan. Alternatively, grad school might not be the daughter's idea at all... This. I've been horrified at times to be presented with something my mother or mother-in-law planned for me and then presented to me as a fait accompli. They were then equally horrified when I basically spat on their present and said, "No way and get out of my life for a couple years". We're better now and that hasn't happened in several years, but I assume that much of that result is that I can and will deny access to their grandkid if they are that pushy again. Making a suggestion and being willing to help is one thing and I've been very grateful for some help (for instance, I think offering to help with the downpayment on a house for the first job is a great thing). Deciding that I don't get to decide if I want that help is quite another. |
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If you haven't got either the anatomical or metaphorical balls to post your own question on a pseudonymous internet forum, then academia is the wrong job for you.
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kaysixteen
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« Reply #607 on: March 06, 2012, 09:43:44 AM » |
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You cut your ILs out of your life for several years because you did not like a 'present' they gave? What sort of present could be so horrifying?
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polly_mer
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« Reply #608 on: March 06, 2012, 10:50:55 AM » |
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You cut your ILs out of your life for several years because you did not like a 'present' they gave? What sort of present could be so horrifying?
Have you been reading this thread about what family is doing to for their children and not allowing the kids any say in terms of living arrangements, school choice, and/or jobs? For some people, saying, "No, thank you", doesn't work. Even shouting, "f*** off!", doesn't necessarily work. Moving and not leaving a forwarding address worked since then they couldn't make plans without my input. I haven't had to do that burnt earth move again, but they know I would. |
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« Last Edit: March 06, 2012, 10:53:59 AM by polly_mer »
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If you haven't got either the anatomical or metaphorical balls to post your own question on a pseudonymous internet forum, then academia is the wrong job for you.
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tinyzombie
She of the Ass-Kicking Socks, and a
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 7,438
elevate from this point on - chuck d
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« Reply #609 on: March 06, 2012, 11:06:29 AM » |
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You cut your ILs out of your life for several years because you did not like a 'present' they gave? What sort of present could be so horrifying?
Reading the thread, as polly suggests, would be a great way to answer your question yourself. Another would be to broaden your thinking just a bit and imagine that it's not actually just about the present. |
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Correct, as usual, TZ. That's because you are not Dude. TZ, however, is Dude. TZ is my favorite. I wish YOU began with A. |
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oldfullprof
Not really retired...
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 7,754
Representation is not reproduction!
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« Reply #610 on: March 06, 2012, 12:49:23 PM » |
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A couple of months after my seventeenth birthday, holding my fresh high school diploma, I was at the Army recruiter's. I'd been living with my grandparents, "American Gothic" Iowans who'd summon me to listen to Billy Graham on television. They saw damn little of me for the next six years.
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Someone please tell me to start entering data, rather than screwing off here.
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usukprof
Not sure he's been around long enough to really be a
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Posts: 1,646
...but at least now is leet.
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« Reply #611 on: March 06, 2012, 01:10:57 PM » |
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Isn't that supposed to be *Iowegians* (from Ioway)?
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Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son. --Dean Vernon Wormer
They can't do that to my graduate students. Only I can do that to my students. --adapted from Donald "Boon" Schoenstein and Eric "Otter" Stratton
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llanfair
Village idiot and Very
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 23,199
Whither Canada?
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« Reply #612 on: March 06, 2012, 05:46:44 PM » |
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You cut your ILs out of your life for several years because you did not like a 'present' they gave? What sort of present could be so horrifying?
Reading the thread, as polly suggests, would be a great way to answer your question yourself. Another would be to broaden your thinking just a bit and imagine that it's not actually just about the present. This. And the "MIL Chronicles" thread would broaden your thinking even more. |
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This place stinks like a pair of armoured trousers after the Hundred Years' War.
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octoprof
Member-Moderator
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Posts: 32,746
Dérailleur-in-Chief (nominee)
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« Reply #613 on: March 06, 2012, 05:58:30 PM » |
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You cut your ILs out of your life for several years because you did not like a 'present' they gave? What sort of present could be so horrifying?
Reading the thread, as polly suggests, would be a great way to answer your question yourself. Another would be to broaden your thinking just a bit and imagine that it's not actually just about the present. This. And the "MIL Chronicles" thread would broaden your thinking even more. Or frighten him silly! |
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« Last Edit: March 06, 2012, 05:58:56 PM by octoprof »
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Let us consider that we are all partially insane. It will explain us to each other; it will unriddle many riddles; it will make clear and simple many things... Mark Twain
It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. Professor Dumbledore
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llanfair
Village idiot and Very
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 23,199
Whither Canada?
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« Reply #614 on: March 06, 2012, 06:00:33 PM » |
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You cut your ILs out of your life for several years because you did not like a 'present' they gave? What sort of present could be so horrifying?
Reading the thread, as polly suggests, would be a great way to answer your question yourself. Another would be to broaden your thinking just a bit and imagine that it's not actually just about the present. This. And the "MIL Chronicles" thread would broaden your thinking even more. Or frighten him silly! Hee hee! That, too. It really is pretty ghastly in places. |
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This place stinks like a pair of armoured trousers after the Hundred Years' War.
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