next »

[scheherazade]

My all time favorite:

Dear Professor,
I am writing about my daughter Jane Doe's grade on an essay for your class. She received a B and was naturally quite upset. I had her bring it home for me to review over the weekend and agree with her that the grade is far too low...[cut lots of comments that ignore my central issues with organization and with her failure to either answer the question asked or use the appropriate sources].  Jane was carefully home schooled and essay writing was a central part of our high school program. I had her write many essays. I urge you to revisit this essay and give it the grade that it actually earned. I'd rather settle it at the teacher level peer-to-peer than to bring it to the president of the college.

sincerely,
Mrs. John Doe (writing as her teacher not her mother)

I love the "peer-to-peer" reference.  Note that it is not "Dr. John Doe."  Hence, no peer-to-peer.  I really wish that I could attach a sound file of my hysterical laughter to my email replies.  Your former chair, however, sounds wiser than me.

Question: It seems to me that, while there may be a few more helicopter parents now than previously, there aren't as many as it sometimes seems, and that they are still a small minority.  It seems that perhaps the problems are that they are becoming more vocal and aggressive, and the administration is taking them more seriously.  Of course, there are institutions where you will be more likely to have the helicopters overhead (such as SLACs).  Is my impression correct, or are there really tons of helicopter parents these days?

[bigsky]

Regarding the comment about SLACs possibly having more "involved" parents, I am at a directional state university in the midwest. In several years here I have had well over 1300 students and I have had few helicopter parent contacts. More often it is with prospective high school seniors that visit with their parents who are sure that they will be here for 2 years and then transfer into the highly competitive professional school an hour away without their BS.

We did have a parent call the main office asking when the new schedule of classes would be out. I asked the secretary why and she said that parent registers her daughter for all of her classes. The student doesn't even know how to register!

There was also a recent article in our student paper that stated an increasing number of students were attending on-campus career fairs with mom and/or dad. At least one parent went on her own, without the student. I am sure that went over well with prospective employees.

[larryc]

I am at a directional state university in the midwest. In several years here I have had well over 1300 students and I have had few helicopter parent contacts.

I work at the very same type of institution and I almost never see nor hear from a parent. Once or twice I have had a parent call to tell me that their child was in the hospital. In 13 years I have never had a parent challenge a grade or anything like that.

[fannie]

Hey, my mom typed some of my college papers!

I have had the helicopter parents intervene in academic and non-academic areas.  My favorite was an email in which a mother asked me to contact her son about changing to my major.  I had to develop an entire set of formletter emails to deal with that situation, sure it would occur again in the future.

I also have helicopter spouses, one of which all of the previous program directors spoke to directly.  (By the way, helicopter spouses have a nasty habit of forgetting to tell the student about the appointment that was made by spouse for student).

But then, there is the up side of parental engagement.  One of my advisees had a very difficult situation to deal with just before the end of the semester.  The student was sucking it up and still nevertheless beginning to crumble.  The mother heard the warning sounds, was up here in less than six hours, and in my office.  We had the student sign a Ferpa waiver, and then I walked the mother to the right offices.

My advisee made it through the semester without incident--and successfully--because her mother was so involved.

[fannie]

Good Afternoon,

My son Dumbass is a student at Snowflake State.  In fact he has been a student there for 6 long years and still hasn't completed a degree.

His father and I are his sole source of support and we have told him that we will not send another dime until we meet with a councilor and determine what he needs to do to graduate with a Bachelor's degree.
We've been waiting for Dumbass to figure this out and let us know.

I believe classes start on Monday.  My plan is to drive out to Snowflake tomorrow morning and hopefully with Dumbass, meet with you to see what he needs to do to finish.  I pray you or someone else can meet with us to sort this out.  If you can, please call me on my cell phone () so we can set something up.

Kind Regards,
Crazy Mother
From Metaphorically Appropriately-Named Private Estate
Personal Email
Personal phone

[fannie]

Add to this her phone message from
4:15.  Tells me that I am going to meet with her tomorrow (by the way, I am not; I am scheduled from 9am to 10 pm) and that she is making a 3 hour journey, so I had better meet with her, and it has to be now because she is going to be on a business trip next week.

AND

he is NOT a student in my program.  He made an inquiry on Wed. about the program, but he hasn't returned the information.  He has a meeting with me to discuss the major next week. He sure in heck is not going to be a student in my program until 5 days after that.

[the_honey_badger]

Add to this her phone message from
4:15.  Tells me that I am going to meet with her tomorrow (by the way, I am not; I am scheduled from 9am to 10 pm) and that she is making a 3 hour journey, so I had better meet with her, and it has to be now because she is going to be on a business trip next week.

AND

he is NOT a student in my program.  He made an inquiry on Wed. about the program, but he hasn't returned the information.  He has a meeting with me to discuss the major next week. He sure in heck is not going to be a student in my program until 5 days after that.

Sounds like a case for the Dean or the Chair of a Department!

[fannie]

I sent it to the provost, dean, his current advisor.

This is SO not my problem.

[anthroid]

I am at a directional state university in the midwest. In several years here I have had well over 1300 students and I have had few helicopter parent contacts.

I work at the very same type of institution and I almost never see nor hear from a parent. Once or twice I have had a parent call to tell me that their child was in the hospital. In 13 years I have never had a parent challenge a grade or anything like that.

And I work in a regional state u as well, but as a chair I get at least one call a week from "concerned parents," and they have a hard time taking no for an answer.  They also tend, from what I can tell, to be middle class (rather than poor, as most of our students are--so my sample is skewed toward a modicum of wealth), usually in the service sector (or so they tell me), and they almost always want to know the name of my supervisor.  It does happen a fair amount, Larry--but, then, there are 500 majors in my department and we probably teach at least 2000 students a semester what with general education.  My experience may not be representative given the size of my department.  What seems to happen, though, is that the parents bypass the professor and go straight to me.

[take_heart]

I anticipate an existential crisis for the United States in about... 30-40 years when these parents all start dying.

Yes, and it will be sometime in the middle of the semester when their grandchildren are taking their mid-term exams.

[gennimom]

Oh, dear. I believe I would be called a helicopter spouse.

Although, I never asked for favors or information or anything else along those lines.

During the time when GD was trying to get his seizure meds balanced, there were days when he wasn't coherent enough to talk, much less email someone. I knew his schedule and when his assignments were due, so there were times I emailed his professors simply to let them know what was going on and that he wouldn't be in class that day. I usually got replies back along the lines of, "Thanks for letting me know. Tell him to feel better soon."

Occasionally, I would take a completed assignment and turn it in for him.

Of course, the profs knew from the outset about his issues and were willing to work with him as he didn't ask for special favors or anything that didn't deal with his illness. One professor got mad when GD finished an exam while trying not to pass out. The professor called me to come get him! He said he would rather let him make up part of the exam than have him get hurt.

[geonerd]

I anticipate an existential crisis for the United States in about... 30-40 years when these parents all start dying.

Yes, and it will be sometime in the middle of the semester when their grandchildren are taking their mid-term exams.

HOF!

[stanwyck]

My favorite non-helicopter parents:

I was eating lunch out a few weeks ago, and happened to be sitting next to a very irate undergraduate and his parents.  The student had seen an exam score on WebCT and it was lower than it "should have been."  He was sure he knew why, even though he hadn't gotten the test back from the T.A. yet.  He was sure he was docked points on a certain section for not following instructions, but as he kept insisting to his parents, he didn't need to follow those instructions to get the right answer, and it was so UNFAIR that he lost those points.

He went over and over and over how unfair it was, how he was going to force his T.A. to give him the grade he deserved, how he was going to force the Chair to give the grade he deserved if the T.A. refused, how it wasn't fair he lost those points when he didn't really need to follow the instructions, how pissed off he was that his T.A. was ruining his GPA...an endless, angry, LOUD whiny loop.

Anyway, his parents listened and listened and listened, and when he FINALLY took a breath, they calmly told him that one thing they liked about what they were hearing was that he was willing to take steps to address the problem, and not let it just sit and make him angrier.  Then they went on to counsel him to "stay inside himself," to not take his anger to the T.A., to not threaten anyone, to pick up his exam, take it home, think about it, and think about it again, and then make an appointment w/the T.A.  His father kept repeating the part about how he liked it that his son was trying to troubleshoot the problem, but at the same time, he repeatedly tried to convince him that if he sounded off like this on campus, nothing good was going to come of it.

I liked it that the parents tried to give him some positive feedback, but were also clearly trying to tell him to STFU and act like an adult about the whole thing.

[larryc]

I think that Anthroid is my chair. No wonder she gets so many complaints!

[anthroid]

I think that Anthroid is my chair. No wonder she gets so many complaints!

I actually received a phone call from a parent complaining about a "social studies teacher" named (not real name) Mr. Kittycat who offered a class in the department of (not real name) Really Important Single Subject and her Precious Snotleigh wasn't able to access the on-line final even though she tried really hard and Mommy Snotleigh was there when she tried and thatwasjustsounprofessionalandunfairandMommySnotleighwantedto
fileaformalcomplaintwithMr.Kittycat'ssupervisorwhohadtocallherback
within24hoursorMommySnotleighwouldgorighttothePresident.

It was a sociology professor named Dr. Kitt who offered a class in a 3 discipline department and Precious is tagged by the computer as trying to access the final after grades were turned in.

Also, I get calls from Larry's students complaining about him.  I usually agree with them.

:)

PS  I wrote the student and told her (very nicely) to tell her mother to STFU.  I haven't heard from student or mother since.