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[kraken]

Well sure.  Air and water help too.

[miss_m]

OP,

I think you have gotten some good discussion of this so far.  I will add the one thing that comes to my mind and needs to be pointed out still--program demographics. 

My first round of grad school was great, as we came in as a cohort, had small class required that mixed folks in different years.  The most important part was that most folks had moved to the city to start, and those who hadn't had prepared for the life change, so lots of people engaged on and off campus.  (Picture drinking beer, eating nachos, and talking about the foundational philosophy of our discipline.

When I went on to do the Ph.D. (in a different program), most of my fellow grads came in two camps: those with husbands and babies and those who (at 24) wanted to get drunk and complain every now and again.  I was at a place in life that didn't align with either, so I had to work harder to find the folks that I liked and could relate to. Fortunately, I had a network outside the department, which helped fend off the loneliness.

So, when you are choosing a program, find out what kind of students they attract and whether or not you will fit into the demograhics.  Ultimately choose the program that is right for other reasons, but plan accordingly and you won't be lonely.

Good luck.

MM

[martina]

It was VERY lonely! I moved to another place - another country, and I hated it!! But as was said, it's what you make it. I don't mind going out to eat or to a movie alone. I got in touch with friends of friends who practically adopted me as one of their family. I contacted people who I knew were there.  I found an extra curricular group, which enriched my life in soooo many ways. And I didn't give up on being in contact with the people I went to grad school with, some of who were not the least bit interested in others, but others too who eventually became close friends. My profs were friendly and at some point (when they realized I wasn't just the typical 18 year old uni. student), I got to know some of them quite well. I found ways to keep busy and sane at the same time. But when I got home, I practically RAN off the plane! And going back the first time was REALLY hard too - but I'm over it now.

[mingus]

I'm a senior year undergraduate who is strongly considering applying to graduate school within the next 2-3 years in a social science field. Although I'm excited about the potential to conduct research in my subfield and take related classes, I'm worried about one thing: Is graduate school lonely? I guess you could say that "grad school is as lonely as you make it," but I have visions of myself spending all day and night at the library or home office, reading and writing for hours and hours on end with only occasional human contact.

I'm the type of person who enjoys working with others and building relationships with people. Even now, I get a little lonely and down when I spend all day in the library with my books and laptop. I know that as a grad student I'll obviously be taking classes, meeting other students, and eventually TA my own classes. But is this enough to ward of feelings of isolation and loneliness? I'm deeply interested in my potential research topic(s), but I'm not sure if it will get me through days/weeks/months of independent reading and writing. Do you think I would find graduate school to be too lonely? What is/was your own experience like? Are there many opportunities to interact and build relationships with others? And what about later on as a professor?

In sum, I'm trying to gauge my interest in my topic and research vs. my need for working relationships and interaction. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Not with enough gin and a dog to talk to.

[nanoo]

OP, my grad school years have been quite lonely at times. I am very happy in my program and wouldn't trade it for anything. But I moved far from my friends and family to go to the best program I could. It's lousy to have to scrimp and save for plane tickets to see your nearest and dearest only once or twice a year when you can hardly pay your bills.

At the same time, I've had the opposite feeling too - social claustrophobia. The norm in my program is for students to work, study, teach, hang out, and even live together. At times it can be overwhelming to spend all that time with the same people, and carry multiple "roles" from coworker to friend to roommate, etc. And I get tired of talking about work stuff when we're supposed to be taking a break. I also get tired of talking about non-work stuff when we're supposed to be working.

Ultimately, I think there's something solitary and isolating about choosing to pursue expertise in any academic field. It's necessary (and fulfilling) in order to develop as an independent scholar. The downside is when that process bleeds into your mood on a Friday night.

[spectacle]

For the first semester or so, I missed my friends so much that I cried every night.  And I live with my SO! I know that's kind of sad. 

I made a couple of good friends up front, but it took us a long, long time to build a community of friends, and it has been worth it.  The best thing that I did was to get involved in an organization that was for graduate students from the entire university - that way I met tons of people from other departments. If your school has anything like that, take advantage of it.

[daurousseau]

What the older forumites recall of their grad school years may be irrelevant as learning habits change. The students around me (grads) all work in teams and groups. That's become the norm in universities. Personally, I'd rather be lonlier than that. But heck, this is America. None one gets left alone much. I left grad school in Germany because no one would talk to anyone else in the department, for fear that someone would steal their ideas or waste their time!

[ufo_tofu]

Right off the bat, my workshop group (we were placed into small groups for orientation) bonded strongly.  These are still some of my very good friends.  In fact, the network I made in grad school is and remains quite tight.  I'm having a bit of trouble adjusting to post-grad-school life where my TT colleagues are all busy, have kids, etc. 

Periods of grad school were lonely and difficult - studying for prelims and the year I got the dissertation-writing fellowship - but overall it was socially and intellectually gratifying.  One of the best times of my life, although not without the heaths of despair (and the Cliffs of Insanity at times).