next »

[pscurious]

I'm a senior year undergraduate who is strongly considering applying to graduate school within the next 2-3 years in a social science field. Although I'm excited about the potential to conduct research in my subfield and take related classes, I'm worried about one thing: Is graduate school lonely? I guess you could say that "grad school is as lonely as you make it," but I have visions of myself spending all day and night at the library or home office, reading and writing for hours and hours on end with only occasional human contact.

I'm the type of person who enjoys working with others and building relationships with people. Even now, I get a little lonely and down when I spend all day in the library with my books and laptop. I know that as a grad student I'll obviously be taking classes, meeting other students, and eventually TA my own classes. But is this enough to ward of feelings of isolation and loneliness? I'm deeply interested in my potential research topic(s), but I'm not sure if it will get me through days/weeks/months of independent reading and writing. Do you think I would find graduate school to be too lonely? What is/was your own experience like? Are there many opportunities to interact and build relationships with others? And what about later on as a professor?

In sum, I'm trying to gauge my interest in my topic and research vs. my need for working relationships and interaction. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[dr_prephd]

I wouldn't say lonely, but I'm an introvert, so I love spending time alone. I have just enough time to spend with my husband, family, and friends. If I thrived on a vibrant social life, I might be lonely sitting around researching all day; but as it is, I like it just fine. YMMV.

[acrimone]

Depends on how you do it.

[red_queen]

I do not know how to answer this question. I don't get lonely.

[aandsdean]

Depends on how you do it.

Yep.  I had some of the loneliest, and also some of the most interpersonally rich, times of my life in grad school.

I suspect the same is true of many others.

Of all the people I've known since I was a kid (and I've moved several times to different places all over), my very best friends are the ones I made in grad school, even though they aren't still in the academy.

At the same time, G-d there were a lot of blasted heaths of existential despair to trudge over as well.

[dr_prephd]

At the same time, G-d there were a lot of blasted heaths of existential despair to trudge over as well.

Damn those heaths. My boots were stuck in one just this evening.

[mathgrad]

I worried about this when I was applying to grad school too.  However, in my exprerience as a first year student grad school has been far from lonely.  I'm sure you know that grad school is completely different from undergrad.  One of the big differences I've found is that grad school is far more collaborative than undergrad.  Grad students spend A LOT of time working together and working with faculty.  I think it may be a misconception that being productive involves barricading oneself in the library.  There are times where this is necessary (studying for comps) however you will miss a great deal if you don't take advantage of interaction with your colleagues.  And the opportunities for this will probably be ample.

It's also important to remember that success in the academy, as in all social institutions, often depends on your ability to network.  Being brilliant alone is usually not enough to succeed.  You need to build a solid network of  professors, fellow students, and administrators who will support you during the grad years and beyond.  I think the opportunities to do this should be plentiful in a healthy program.  These relationships will likely be some of the most fulfilling kind you will ever have.

In short, you have to build relationships with others in grad school.  There's a lot more to this game than studying and grades.

[imawakenow]

In sum, I'm trying to gauge my interest in my topic and research vs. my need for working relationships and interaction. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Grad school is what you make it. I know people who only come into the office to teach or hold office hours. The rest of the time they spend alone in the library or their home office working and writing. I know others who have an established group of friends, who regularly hang out (at least once a week) and do many activities together. Others, like me, find a happy medium.

So, can grad school be lonely? Yes. Does it have to be? No.

By the way, I think the more important question is why you are going to graduate school and whether or not you are driven to do the type of things the graduate school entails--some of which are necessarily solitary.

[kilpikonna]

It depends on too many things -- I don't think there's a pat answer to your question.  What's the size of the program?  Are there required classes that will shove the newbies together?  (Bonus if they're hard.)  Will you be working in a lab on collaborative projects?  If not, will your advisor at least have other students for you to bounce ideas off of?  Will you be teaching?  (That can be a great way to ward off loneliness.)  Etc.

My first few years were somewhat lonely because, for some reason I can't fathom, I have a hard time making friends with people in my discipline.  I made some other friends fairly quickly, but it took maybe a year and a half before I felt I had solid connections with anyone in my department.  Research wise it's been very lonely because for the first several years I was the only person with my particular interest in my department (lesson: if you can, go somewhere where there are others like you).  However, as a grad student my work has been very portable, so if I need company, I go work in a coffee shop, either with a friend or without, and that satisfies some of my need for other people.

And aandsdean, your heath imagery is right on. :)

[scheherazade]

Sigh...I have two kids, a husband, a dog, and now two kittens.  I'm actually looking forward to hanging out in a quiet library and getting some work done!

[iomhaigh]

The dissertation writing part of grad school can be lonely in certain fields, but by then you'll have a good bunch of friends and you can call on them to rescue you.  Or, you can all just sit in the same room typing away and pretend that you have lives.

For the 3-5 years before you get to that point, then it doesn't need to be lonely, no.  There's a lot of time spent in libraries/ labs/ whatever, but you do end up working with other people a lot.  Plus, you're surrounded by a bunch of other people who will, like you, get tired of being in the library.  Plan regular "normalcy" events from time to time and you'll be fine!

I'm in a highly collaborative field, though. 

Enjoy it!

[sugaree]

The only time I ever got "lonely" in grad school was during a fellowship year of writing - no TA-ship so no office time hanging out with other grads, and no classes to collectively discuss things. But then, writing can be a very lonely process and I had friends to save me from the isolation by then. But early on in the program, grad school was quite social. Taking classes and discussing your academic passions with other like-minded individuals, and then meeting at the bar/coffeehouse/restaurant/etc. to keep discussing reality television (or sports, or music, or whatever) is, I believe, a necessary part of a successful grad career. I recall one grad student - a year ahead of my cohort - who was dating one of my close friends saying we all weren't "serious" enough to succeed and finish the PhD. What do you know, 10 years later and we all have doctorates and TT jobs, and he never finished! As others have said, grad school is what you make of it and the most successful grads are those who are able to manage the necessary isolation of individual research/writing, with social time as well as academic collaboration and discussions.

[hmaria1609]

Have you decided to go for a master's or PhD?
I went to graduate school for my MLS after I finished undergrad. As a full timer, I took 3 classes per semester, didn't do a graduate assistantship, (GA) and lived on campus.  The LS program at my university didn't require a thesis or have comps. (I finished the library sci program in an academic year and half--graduating in Dec. '06) 
While I didn't have heavy duty loads of reading and writing assignments, they still were time consuming. While I didn't like having evening classes, I appreciated having the daytime working assignments.
Most of my classmates in the library science program (and other master's programs) lived off campus so I'd see them in the library or going somewhere on campus.
I did experience loneliness (and the stress) at times. As I've mentioned in other threads, I went to a predominantly undergrad school.  For me, being involved with three student organizations and participating in campus life enriched my experience.
Whatever the extent you can be involved with campus life, grad school can be an interesting experience.

[kraken]

I will repeat what has been said.  When your nose is to the grindstone, it can feel like you live in your office/library for weeks at a time.  On the other hand, most of your fellow students will experience this as well, which offers a lot of opportunity to form close bonds with each other. 

[acrimone]

I will repeat what has been said.  When your nose is to the grindstone, it can feel like you live in your office/library for weeks at a time.  On the other hand, most of your fellow students will experience this as well, which offers a lot of opportunity to form close bonds with each other. 

And sex.

Lots of sex.

In the library.