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[ordinary_machine]

I will try to make this post as brief as possible. I’m a graduate student nearing completion of an MA in French literature and I am seriously reconsidering whether I ought to pursue a PhD.

Actually, “reconsidering” is probably putting it mildly. I’m having a major meltdown.

Last semester was my first semester teaching a language course and I loved it. I actually _loved_ teaching the kind of course many professors only teach because they have to do so. So what’s the problem? Well, in the same semester that I confirmed that I love to teach I also realized that I’ll probably never produce any worthwhile research. I do well enough in my courses (As and A-s) but it is a struggle and I don’t enjoy the process enough to imagine that I will ever be particularly productive. Even though I know I am great at teaching language courses and I really hate the idea of never being able to teach a literature course, I feel like I stink at the thing that gets a person such a job.

I’m really beginning to wonder if I should consider quitting while I’m ahead and looking for a high school teaching position. If I’m not likely to have a lot of success obtaining a decent position at a college, is it worth another 5+ years of crushing anxiety and feelings of inadequacy? Is it worth it to wait that much longer for a job I might not even get that probably pays less than I could make next year teaching high school? Or is this something everyone goes through and I’m judging myself too harshly?

I just feel really rotten. I used to be an outgoing and confident person with an active social life. Now I have no friends and I can barely squeak a word out in class because I am so paralyzed by anxiety. I no longer have any hobbies, and if life after grad school is the way people make it sound in this forum, I don’t expect that to change once I’ve finished.

Help!

[lacohen]

ahh, I was having a very similar crisis last week.  One of the better pieces of advice given to me was not to judge my research abilities (or chosen field of research) until I had successful completed a project.  In the middle of a crisis its easy to be blinded by emotions and not see the big picture.

In my experience (2.5 years in a PhD program) the relationship between classes and research is rather complex.  Doing well in classes does not guarentee that you'll do well in research. 

At this point in your career it might be hard to judge what will lead to "worthwhile research."  Perhaps it might be better to ask yourself what you enjoy most about French literature.  Are their burning questions you want to answer to answer?  Do you love to read and ponder the material?   If not, well then go figure.

The other thing to consider is that people's grad school experiences vary a great deal.  I'm know on this forum lots of people complain about how awful grad school is (myself included..) however, not everyone has a bad experience.  Choosing your adviser wisely and other factors can make your experience better then average.  Other social factors like having close friends in your dept, or a suportive spouse can do a lot for ones moral and happiness in grad school. 

[copper]

I don't think anyone should spend 5+ years doing something that gives them crushing anxiety and feelings of inadequacy.

It is true that many people have a "Am I doing the right thing?" crises at about this point in grad school.  I sure did.  But you seemed to have analyzed things to the point where you are, in fact, confident in what you want to do.  And your reasoned analysis seems to be in step with what your heart is telling you, too.  So why do you feel rotten?

I'm just guessing, but do you feel like you have somehow failed, not-lived-up-to-your-potential, are letting yourself (others?) down?  If so, I would argue quite the opposite.  It takes some considerable self-awareness and courage to say "if I continue on this path, I'm not likely to be happy, so I'm going to set a new path."  This is not failure to achieve a goal, it is success in finding out what your real goals are and what you need to do to get there.

Note that it is perfectly acceptable to take a break between an MA and a Ph.D. for a year or more and let yourself re-evaluate.  Maybe you'll to Teach for America, the Peace Corps or get a job teaching French to international businessmen at Goldman Sachs.   Who knows what opportunities you might find that don't feel like a trap?

--Cu

[larryc]

Teaching high school is a wonderful job for the right person, and you sound like that person. Why not give it a whirl before you spend another 4-6 years on a PhD for a job that doesn't pay any more?

[tamiam]

I concur with the "try teaching high school" advice. One of my very good friends is a French teacher at a private middle school and has had a wonderful career.

Checquez it out!

[drdrdr]

I would third the recommendation to teach at high-school, but you might find it more rewarding to teach at a non-public school. There are quite a few private and prep-schools with well-behaved and intelligent students who would be a joy to teach.

[larryc]

One of my favorite history blogs, Civil War Memory, is run by a teacher at a private high school in Virginia. He recently wrote a post about turning down another job because he has it so good where he is:

My job allows me to build relationships with individuals that often outlast the time in the classroom.  A number of my students have gone on to study history and a few have even become teachers.  What I am most proud of is the the number of students who have said that they didn't care much for the subject of history until my class.  I consider myself very lucky to have found a profession that allows me to spend time studying my passion, which is American history, as well as working with energetic and curious young adults.  I have complete freedom to shape my courses , including electives, and I am encouraged to take chances in developing curriculum.  On most mornings I wake up bright-eyed and anticipating a fun day.  What I love most is the sense of possibility that the classroom offers and a chance to learn something new during the course of the day.  I work with an incredibly talented and caring faculty and while I rarely get to see how students turn out I know I've made a difference for many over the years.  How many people can truly admit to this?

I also don't mind admitting that I enjoy my summers and other vacations.  No doubt the time off makes it possible for me to engage in research and other writing projects - most of which would take a backseat in lieu of a full-time position.  My graduate degree in history from the University of Richmond was paid for entirely by my school and the administration continues to encourage me to attend conferences and other academic functions.  In many ways I lead a life not much different from a college professor.

http://civilwarmemory.typepad.com/civil_war_memory/2007/12/a-clarification.html

[merce]

I have only briefly skimmed the posts here but here is my take:


If you love teaching French language courses then there are indeed students who could really benefit from having you as their teacher.  Not all schools want major researchers so much that they allow this to cloud what is best for the majority of their students-- those who take only intro levels.  

If you like teaching language why not switch from a literature focus to research on how to teach language?  
Do a PhD in that. Or just the MA.

In some depts they'd call this linguistics in others Second Language Acquisition or soemthing like that. If your own dept. doesn't have it you could finish your MA and apply to a PhD elsewhere.


Also, if you can add a semester to change this focus and do your MA exams or thesis w/ language acquisition focus this *sometimes* is enough to get a job even at the college level. (I wish it were more often the case because an MA in 2nd lang. acquisition makes a much better 1st year language teacher than a PhD in say, Victorian Literature)..  If you can't do this simply at your institution maybe it would be enough to ask recommenders to stress your teaching focus and tailor your letter for schools that would accept an MA for language instructors.


Only a few days I got to an interview for a position YOU would love for people who would LOVE you as you describe yourself here.I got to my interview and they really stressed that they don't want someone like me who is obviously focused on my research. They want someone who will focus on language teaching and students who need that kind of fostering.  They want YOU!

[ordinary_machine]

Other social factors like having close friends in your dept, or a suportive spouse can do a lot for ones moral and happiness in grad school. 

This is actually a huge problem. The relationships among the grad students in my department are pretty terrible, which hasn't made any of this easier. I suppose it is possible that I could do better in a less toxic department, although I have no clue how one finds such a place.

[ahhh_history]

I agree with the recommendation to try Teach for America.  I don't know if they'll be taking people for teaching French at the secondary level, but you should try it.  They probably have an application deadline coming up soon - I think there's normally one in February. 

If you can get in to the program, it will give you a teaching license, two years of a guaranteed job teaching (and a paycheck), deferment on any student loans you may have, and the chance to evaluate what you want to do. 

Also, with the MA, can you find somewhere you can adjunct?  Get a job at a CC? 

As far as finding a non-toxic program, you have to really do your homework.  Find current/past grad students you can talk to, and ask.  You may have to do this on the phone or in person to get honest answers. 

[roarheels]

I would finish the PhD in the easiest manner possible. In point of fact, great teaching jobs are hard to get at the secondary level.  I was able to get a year position in a secondary language only through maternity leave. The teacher actually came back early, and thus I was left without a job. She had been there ten years. The other language teachers in the school had been there longer. Funny part of this is that the school had only been open 14 years. Hence, the turnover was next to nothing. In my experience, you will find this pattern repeated at all very good secondary schools. Thus the PhD provides you a huge advantage. It would allow you to compete against teachers with many more years experience. Secondary school teachers particularly in languages often have MA's. Many have state and national teaching certifications. Plus they have 20 years in the classroom. Your MA in French does little to give you a leg up. Moreover, your actual classroom experience seems very limited. If you dont mind banging ten years out in a mediocre public school with limited resources, then go for it. Otherwise, I think it may take a stroke of luck to get a good job fresh out. If I could make a suggestion, there are many boarding schools who love to hire PhD's. Many of these schools also offer summer teaching opportunities for external faculty to participate in and develop relationships with the school. I have two graduate students in my foreign language cohort who have been working with two different schools over the course of the past couple years. They have both been offered faculty positions at the end of their PhD's. Finally, you can figure out for yourself what you really need. Think about the type of secondary school you want to teach in and hit up their website. Most high schools now list faculty credentials online. If you find you match up well in a certain area then go for it, but my bet is you will be very surprised at how many degrees and hours of teaching most high school teachers have.

[profesoracr]

I agree w/ Merce...I started out in Spanish literature, loved teaching college language classes, but didn't really love the literature so much (love to read, hate analyzing it).  I switched to applied linguistics and have been very happy.  So that could be an option for you. 

Another option would be to look for teaching positions at a community college.  Depending on the school, you might be able to find a tenure-track job teaching French with an MA (I adjuncted at a great CC where tt faculty in foreign languages had MAs). 

Regarding anxiety & nerves: it's normal to feel like you're in over your head at the beginning of your graduate studies, especially if you're in a non-friendly/competitive environment &/or enrolled in classes with PhD students.  It doesn't mean that you're not cut out for grad school.

FWIW, I'm now at a great Uni where I get to teach beginning language classes as well as upper-level undergrad and grad courses in linguistics, and I love it.  Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more about what options are available, and hang in there! 

[dr_prephd]

Well, if you're not sure about doing the PhD now, go out and work for a few years. You can always apply to grad. school later. Teaching high school French may give you the opportunity to teach a French 5 / French Lit. class, or an AP French class that has some lit. component. I have no idea how hard it is to get a job teaching high school French, though.

[francie_]

Other social factors like having close friends in your dept, or a suportive spouse can do a lot for ones moral and happiness in grad school. 

This is actually a huge problem. The relationships among the grad students in my department are pretty terrible, which hasn't made any of this easier. I suppose it is possible that I could do better in a less toxic department, although I have no clue how one finds such a place.

First, congrats on being nearly finished with the M.A.! 

My advice differs somewhat from others who are suggesting you take a break now and try teaching.  I think you should postpone the decision to quit the Ph.D. track until after after you have attempted to build supportive relationships (academic and social) outside your department.  If the grad students and/or faculty are somewhat toxic in your department, but you are loathe to leave a top-rated school or program (assuming this is the case), finding supportive people within you university is not impossible if you have the flexibility to take a seminar or do a readings course with faculty in other departments.  By thinking interdisciplinarily (Hey, I may have just invented a new word!  Again!), you might actually stumble on some rich, untapped vein of research that will blossom into a dissertation.

And, as others have said, finding the right mentor to guide the dissertation is critical.  If you have not or cannot, then you should consider your other options.

[bamabound]

Other posters have some good ideas...here's my $0.02 worth.   Don't think about the crushing defeat or the 5+ years of PhD studies left.  Step back and envision your ideal day and situation.  Now is the time to do some research, before quitting or making other major changes. 

Getting a tenure-track position at a CC might be just the thing for you.  I teach at a CC and find the environment very appealing.  Other posters have complained that teaching at a CC doesn't allow time for research.  If you don't want to do research, this might be great.  However, I have no knowledge of the job market for languages and whether or not you need a PhD to be competitive. 

Teaching HS has a different flavor.  I have not taught HS but I have several friends who do and I have two children in HS, one of whom was a National Award winner (98 percentile) in his language last year.  The good thing about language is that the students usually want to be there, rather than they are required to be there (e.g. PE or soph English).  Teaching HS also has many permutations- wealthy school district, inner-city school district, private school.  Many of my friends say that the environment created by the principal and admin at the school directly impacts whether or not they are happy.  It's more transient than a CC would be.       

Before making the decision, perhaps some research and talking to both CC language and HS language teachers would be appropriate.  You could use spring break to talk to some and/or visit classes. 

Good luck and I wish you happiness and success.