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[ludicrous]

Does (or did) your grad school experience feel like high school all over again?  For me, it did.  There were the usual cliques, people who desperately desired to be popular, constant Evites in which the host threw herself parties that, not coincidently, all seemed to implicitly demanded gifts--including a yearly birthday party (what are we, 14?).  The big difference I see is that at the grad school level, the egos are 10-20 times bigger, there is more competition, and there is more backstabbing. 

Sorry for venting.  I know this should go in the venting thread, but I felt this thread was more appropriate. 

I know that most people probably had a positive experience in grad school, but I was not one of them.

I'm contemplating what to write in my dissertation acknowledgment, and I'm having a hard time not being sarcastic in some areas. 

[acrimone]

I don't know about grad school, but law school was A LOT MORE like high school than college ever was.

[grasshopper]

My birthdays continued even after I passed 14. And I continued to celebrate them with friends, including those friends with whom I usually spend the most time like, for instance, the friends I made in grad school.

Of course people want to be popular. It's because they want to be liked. I know very few people who don't want to be liked. I think it's pretty common.

And cliques are really just people hanging out with other people with whom they share a common interest.

[georgia_guy]

Yes, grad school had all those elements of high school. However, so did my non-academic jobs, and actually, so does academia. The undergrad years, depending on the type of school you go to, can be different, because you get to be largely anonymous. Grad school is a small pond, just like high school, and just like the department you'll one day work in.

[bewilderedta]

Hmm. In high school I was a big geek, I hung out with my geeky friends. We b*tched about our lives, hung out, talked about things nobody else would care about, and had a lot of fun. So I guess it is kind of similar...

(It may be that I just haven't been in grad school long enough to really notice all the Machiavellian goings on.)

[katherineparr]

Ludicrous, this is a great opportunity. Take that acknowledgement and write the H#LL out of it. Smash every single thing that irritated you for the last ten years. Eviscerate people. Be mean, mean, mean.

Then throw it out and write something gracious.

Grad school is like life. People can suck, the work is hard, and you never really feel successful or grown up or satisfied. Right now, you're finishing a huge project and you're stuper-stressed, and you clearly need to vent a bit. So do it. And when you're done, give yourself a break, then move on.

P.S. If you write sly, subtle insults to people you despise, you can keep some of them in the acknowledgements. I did. It felt gooood.

[phdbliss]

Cliques are not just groups of people who have common interests - they're exclusive - and yes - to the OP - my grad school experience began with amicable relationships with others in my department, but as I continued to grow emotionally beyond the maturity of an undergraduate - they started dating the undergraduates, attending parties with undergraduates, and planning similar parties to those described by the OP - even keggers - which, in my mind is just ridiculous since we're all in the 3rd decade of life.

One of the nice things about being in my 30s is that I no longer need to do a keg stand to self-validate among my peers.

In short, I now avoid them like the plague. Not necessarily because they're bad people, we just have nothing in common, and my failure to attend these parties has led them to believe that I'm no longer cool enough to be part of their clique, so I have been officially excluded. Because I don't want to do keg stands. Stupid.

In your acknowledgement you could say something like "To my fellow grad students at the University of X, whose faithful devotion to their interests has contributed to my intellectual and emotional growth as a person and a scholar".

[balancing_act]

Not at all. But in my program, the atmosphere is wonderful-- we aren't competitive or backstabbing. Perhaps because there is a large age range, from early 20s to 50s. Oh, there is still gossip, but mostly we get along well and serve as one large support group for each other. The professors help to encourage this as they have this type of relationship among themselves. I suppose I could describe it as warm and fuzzy, but that's probably going too far.

[miss_m]

OP,

I have found what you have found in two grad programs--once, I was in the clique, but the second time, I was not.  Yes, it is "just people who like each other and make friends," but it ultimately also becomes (in part) about the people they don't like outside of their group.  And it sucks to be one of those, no matter the reason.  I tell myself that it is just about people who want different things out of the grad school experience/are at different places in life.  But I still feel for you.  Don't put it in print, however.  Be better than that.

MM

[imawakenow]

Ludicrous, this is a great opportunity. Take that acknowledgement and write the H#LL out of it. Smash every single thing that irritated you for the last ten years. Eviscerate people. Be mean, mean, mean.

Then throw it out and write something gracious.

...

P.S. If you write sly, subtle insults to people you despise, you can keep some of them in the acknowledgements. I did. It felt gooood.

I agree with the first part but not the second.

I wrote a not-so-subtle barb in my high school yearbook bio directed toward someone I didn't like. While it hasn't held me back in life, I've honestly regretted it since that time. It was stupid and immature.

OP: Yes, there are cliques, backstabbers, people who are insecure, fawning, etc. in graduate school. But I agree with the previous poster who said you run into these people everywhere.

I think the best "revenge" is finishing well--that includes completing your dissertation, getting a TT job and acheiving tenure. So, write a draft with all the barbs you'd like, then delete and move on with your life.

[ludicrous]

All great advice.  Thank you. 

Grasshopper:  Celebrating one's birthday every year with friends and family is just fine, but a big production every year?  The big parties were great when we were young kids and pre-teens, but in the 20's and beyond, it seems almost self-worshipping.  Also, I respectfully disagree with the portion where you suggest that people invariably want to be popular.  I don't think most people do.  At least I hope they do not.  Being popular is not a goal of mine, nor will it ever be, and I think that most people also do not care about popularity. 

abdgangsta: Totally agree with your post.  It seems that some grad students use grad school to relive their college years and/or their high school years. It just boggles the mind.  Maybe you are right.  It's not necessarily that I dislike some of my fellow grad students; maybe it's simply because we no longer have common interests, if we ever did. 


Katherineparr and rusleeping: Great advice.  I started writing a not-so-nasty but also not-exactly-not-sarcastic acknowledgement.  In the end, though, I'm pretty sure I won't acknowledge fellow grad students--although I did meet some that were very, very nice---but it was the people (friends and family) OUTSIDE of academia who grounded me, and who reminded me that there is life, and happiness, outside of academia.  Indeed, I prefer to hang out (socially) with non-academic people.  There's just something "real" about them that keeps me grounded in reality. 

[fiona]

Write a very gracious acknowledgment and include the grad school people.

That's just smart politics, as they may sometime be in a position to help you professionally.

Always look gracious and professional in print, and it never hurts to thank people, whether they deserve it or not.

The Fiona

Oh, go ahead and thank me for this brilliant advice.

[ludicrous]

Write a very gracious acknowledgment and include the grad school people.

That's just smart politics, as they may sometime be in a position to help you professionally.

Always look gracious and professional in print, and it never hurts to thank people, whether they deserve it or not.

The Fiona

Oh, go ahead and thank me for this brilliant advice.

Thank you, O Brilliant One.  : )

[dr_prephd]

Yes and no. Yes in the sense that there are a bunch of people smooshed together for long periods of time and invariably cliques will form.

No because we're (theoretically) mature enough not to let cliques bug us.

For my master's program, several of the members of the cohort were friends before graduate school, and went in straight out of undergrad. Definitely a clique. A few of us were older with lives and families outside of school, so not only were we not interested in joining the clique, we didn't even care that there was one.

I was polite and professional and got the hell out as soon as possible.

[copper]

Now I'm imagining Grad School Musical.