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[wanna_writemore]

I second the suggestion of giving it more time.  I really hated teaching for a few years when I started - I had a few 1-yr VAP positions, and am now in a TT position.  Now, I quite like it and really enjoy my (all undergraduate, mostly non-major) students.  They still drive me nuts some days, but overall I'm glad I do it.


For me, the hatred of teaching was all about being uncomfortable in front of the room.  I was so afraid of being asked questions I didn't know the answers to or of running out of material (I'm in a traditionally lecture-dominated field) that I was not comfortable in the class.  I have become a lot more comfortable and had enough good experiences that I just don't worry about it anymore.  I also got bad advice early on - teaching "mentors" (or department chairs) that tried to get me to use methods that just don't fit my personality (super-perky, for example)

On the other hand, some people never like teaching.  I would be reluctant to decide that and leave grad school for that, though, since you have so little experience.  I suspect you just need to find a teaching style that works.

I hope you find the right place to teach or research as suits you.

[t_r_b]

I'm feeling devilish too, like larryc. As I said in the aspiring historian thread, I think it's a bad idea to pursue a PhD in the humanities unless you truly look forward to the prospect of teaching your subject at the college level (accepting the likelihood that you'll end up with a 3/3 or 4/4 load of mostly lower level classes). It takes too long and costs too much, both personally and financially.

There are lots and lots of people in the world who love literature, and dislike teaching, just as much as you do and they lead perfectly happy non-academic lives - and probably have more free time to actually read literature than most college faculty. I expect that your language skills could open all sorts of non-academic careers for you, some with a literary focus, some not. If you don't think teaching for the rest of your professional life will make you happy, you've got plenty of other options to choose from.

Since you've come this far, I'd agree that there's no harm in sticking it out for another year for the MA, and maybe the coming semesters will turn you on to teaching. But if not, there's no shame in switching to a non-academic career.

[goldenapple]

Some people dream of the day when they'll have their foreign language Ph.D. and won't have to teach language classes anymore. That is an illusion. Please keep in mind that if you want a career in the foreign languages, you will almost certainly have to teach beginning language classes and that literature classes will not make up the bulk of your teaching load. Most foreign language departments have to work hard to get enough students to fill upper level literature courses, and those students all come from the much larger lower level classes. If you don't like doing that lower-level teaching, now is the time to think about your future. 

You will get better as a teacher. You will find techniques that suit you better. But don't dream of escaping from the basic language classroom forever, because it is unlikely to happen.

[10yearveteran]

I have been teaching high school for ten years.  When I stood in front of the first class I watched at realized nothing would being without me; they would talk all period if they could.  I started the class and it was not easy.  By then end of the week I remember thinking to myself, "I do not want this responsibility."  I meant it.  That changed.  I eventually learned to enjoy the responsibility and the best thing about teaching is the kids.  I have to say, though, its the only thing I enjoy.  Once I leave the classroom I (as are ALL teachers I have spoken with) am enveloped in a world of nonsense.  Teachers are inundated with pedagogical 'wisdom' that is structured to benefit the children.  But the reality exists that many teachers leave the profession because they are pulled left and right between parents and the administration.  The 'wisdom' thrown upon us is mostly smoke-and-mirrors.  Pay close attention to the staff development meetings.  Who is paying attention?  Not many, I bet.  That's not cynicism talking, it's reality.  We don't pay attention to these meetings because we know the people disseminating the information don't truly follow it.  If they did follow it they would apply it to the meeting.  I will be easy for someone to respond to this and say I am burned out or that I am cynical.  I give 100% everyday to my students.  I am not burned out.  I am tired of being told by non-teachers how I should do my job.  Don't get me wrong, I something is applicable I will use it as much as possible.  But I you were my child I would have told you before you went to college to stay away from teaching.  I regret doing it.

[tenured_cat]

I was scared to death when I started teaching as a GTA. Was convinced that I would a) have a heart attack, b) that my students would take issue with my accent, c) I would be either too boring or too cutesy and idiotic, d) that they would know, just know, that I didn't know the materials, and that e) I would run out of material with fifteen minutes to spare.

I still fear # e and consequently run over almost every third class session. Especially when the evil little gnomes distract me ten minutes into the class, I go off on a tangent and lecture without a net for forty minutes. And have fun doing it. Darn it!

Teaching is a performance art. You prep until you hit the door - then you perform. The more you do it, the better it gets. And sometimes what you hate is not the teaching, but maybe an unresponsive class. There will be others. Better ones!

On the other paw, I once taught a second year course in my language at my MS school - why do students enroll in language courses when they make very clear that they find it beneath themselves to speak anything but Midwestern American English?

[ufo_tofu]

I don't what your situation is, but I know my first semester teaching as a TA was spent under the tutelage of a mentor.  This mentor designed the syllabus, chose the book, and came up with the assignments, sequence, and assignment sheets.  I absolutely hate teaching stuff I didn't come up with or at least believe in.  That semester was not much fun as I felt I was up there teaching stuff I thought was silly, useless, or both.  I discovered the following semester that I had a lot more fun and was more engaged when I felt invested in the materials and when I felt like what I was teaching was useful and interesting.  For me, one of the parts of teaching I enjoy most is designing assignments, sequencing classes, and coming up with my own materials. 

Also, it took me a while to find my teaching 'persona,' which is fairly laid back.  The first semester or two, I was really worried about open revolt so I tried to be more authoritarian than I am actually comfortable with.  As I grew more confident, I felt more comfortable in the classroom and had a lot more fun. 

Frankly, I like teaching but I find I enjoy some classes more than others.  And teaching isn't always grins and giggles; sometimes I really don't enjoy a group of students, or one annoying or upsetting student can taint a whole class, or I feel like I didn't do a great job with the syllabus or an assignment.  All these things can make a class less than thrilling.  I am uncomfortable with conflict and I'm not particularly a 'take charge' sort of personality, so I had some figuring out how to be an effective teacher and how to make teaching something I could enjoy.  I do enjoy it for the most part although I would be lying if I said there weren't annoying students, bad semesters, unsucessful assignments, etc.

Give it another semester or so and see what you think.  Teaching is difficult and complex and it's not always successful or fun on the first go.  But, as others have said, if you still don't enjoy it after a few semesters, there's no sense in pursuing a career that you're not going to find rewarding.  That way lies madness.  Or at least unhappiness.

[balancing_act]

I was scared to death when I started teaching as a GTA. Was convinced that I would a) have a heart attack, b) that my students would take issue with my accent, c) I would be either too boring or too cutesy and idiotic, d) that they would know, just know, that I didn't know the materials, and that e) I would run out of material with fifteen minutes to spare.

Teaching is a performance art. You prep until you hit the door - then you perform. The more you do it, the better it gets. And sometimes what you hate is not the teaching, but maybe an unresponsive class. There will be others. Better ones!

Exactly. I was terrified my first term as a TA. I didn't mind speaking in front of others, but I feared how little I knew. I actually had a former classmate in one of my sections, who thankfully was gracious enough to understand what I was going through without taking advantage of me. (Perhaps they all pitied me that first term-- I got great evals.) I also worked under a professor who sort of left me on my own. It was a very rough first term. But, it got better. I worked with a different professor the next term who was as concerned about teaching me how to teach as she was getting the undergrads to learn the material. Since then, it's gotten easier, I am more comfortable in my own shoes and a little bit more with my knowledge (enough for discussion sections anyway).

It gets better. It takes persistence and willingness to try different strategies. It takes willingness to understand that not everything will work, you don't know everything, and sometimes you'll goof. It's okay.