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[bewilderedta]

I have long lurked on this site and now I am coming to all of you with questions. I'm suppressing a litany of complaints, though I'm certain you can all guess what they are. Briefly, here's the situation: I just started grad school last September, with all kinds of joy and hope and love for literature in my little heart. I also started as a teaching assistant, in a first-semester foreign language course. I am a quiet and reserved type of person, so teaching does not come naturally to me, especially the charades and "fun" of the communicative approach. While the love for literature persists and I like the work I do for my own classes, teaching has been very rough. I am doing my best, my observation feedback has been okay, but I feel like I'm under a curse.

I like research and writing, but I know teaching is part and parcel of academic work. It's inescapable. I'm beginning to think that there's not much sense in pursuing a degree in hopes of getting a job as a professor, if I truly do hate teaching.

My questions:
Other members of my cohort seem less afflicted. Is it very abnormal to hate teaching?
Did any of you hate it at first and come to see it as okay? what made it better?
I'm clinging to the hope that teaching culture or literature will be more pleasant than grammar. True? False?

I know I need to give it time and see how things work out, but I could use a little feedback. Thank you.

[phdbliss]

Teaching culture and literature is substantially more gratifying to most. Unfortunately, in the current system, most foreign language Ph.Ds have to put in their time teaching language initially. As your career unfolds, you will have more opportunities to teach literature and culture courses - but at the beginning, teaching language is essential. Try to think of it as a way to improve your own language skills - challenge yourself in the classroom as a way to entertain yourself and enrich your knowledge at the same time as you're enriching your students' knowledge.

I personally enjoy teaching both, language and literature. I would say, though, that teaching literature is slightly less rigid - discussions can be taken to many different places, assignments can be more flexible - whereas teaching language (at least at the introductory levels) generally has to be more structured.

At least, that's how I roll.

[sugaree]

Especially this time of year, everyone hates teaching (or, more appropriately, grading). Given that you are in your very first university semester of teaching ever (if I'm reading the OP correct), then I would not despair just yet and give up on your academic dream. Teaching DOES get easier over time. You may never love it, but with experience, it becomes less stressful. If, after several more semesters of teaching in grad school, you still "hate teaching" but still also love graduate work/research, you can certainly make every effort to shape your CV and job search for a R1 job. These are not easy to come by and you still have to teach, but you won't be teaching AS much as in some other university settings. Bottom line, don't give up quite yet.

[pink_]

But OP, if you hate teaching, you might reconsider this whole enterprise.  Most of us don't get 2-2 research heavy jobs, so teaching is going to be a large percentage of your time.  If you don't love, or at least like it, why do it?  There are lots of other jobs that don't require a ph.d., that pay more, that you might be happier pursuing.  Or maybe not, but it's okay to stop if this is not what you want to be doing.

[cyberchic]

What part of teaching don't you like?  I've found there are lots of things that affect how I feel about teaching from one quarter to the next.  Sometimes I have really engaged students who like to discuss, and other times it's like pulling teeth.  Are your students engaged in the course, or do they give you the infamous blank stare?  This quarter I've tried less planning and more leaving it up to them to do the talking.  Really letting them feel like they have a say in the section has seemed to help. 

Other times, I can't stand the subject and it's painful for me to even do the reading, much less be enthusiastic enough about the material to pull out discussion points.

I guess my point is that you should think about specifically why you don't like teaching.  There are ways to improve most aspects of it, and sometimes it's just trial and error to figure out your style.

Check out these blog posts relating to my experiences TA'ing and some things I've learned along the way:
http://gradgravy.blogspot.com/2007/10/good-discussion-section.html
http://gradgravy.blogspot.com/2007/10/facilitating-discussion.html

[zharkov]

Let me just add that you may find you like teaching certain (other) courses, different kinds of students, and so on.  You can't really go by a fraction of semester's experience in one course with one group of students.

Although I like the courses I teach -- mostly survey, applied, and advanced flavors of my discipline -- I have also had to teach courses in an allied area from time to time, and really didn't like doing so.  Without getting into detail, if I had ended up just teaching courses in that allied discipline, I would have been turned off from teaching as well.
 

[captain_obvious]

Beginning graduate school is, in itself, a major life change that requires adjustment.  Add to that teaching for the very first time just as you're trying to get the hang of your university system, learn the department politics, find your way around a new city, and get back in the swing of academic work, and I can only imagine that it would be miserable!  It may very well get better.  I'd give it at least another semester.  Besides, if you can stick it out a bit longer, you'll at least walk away with a MA, which is something.

Or you might just not like teaching.  Lots of people don't.  It's no personal or moral failing.  Given that, are their other (non-academic) careers in which a PhD in your language/literature of choice might be valuable?  I know many people with PhDs in various non-English-language literatures who work in foreign service, journalism, humanitarian NGOs, etc.  If one of those options seems appealing to you and you think a PhD might further your career aims, stick with the program.

If none of these options is appealing, and you aren't interested in academia or any other career for which the PhD would be useful, then JUST LEAVE!   But give it a little time before you make a big decision.  Things do take getting used to, and both your skill and comfort level in the classroom may improve.

[pink_]

Beginning graduate school is, in itself, a major life change that requires adjustment.  Add to that teaching for the very first time just as you're trying to get the hang of your university system, learn the department politics, find your way around a new city, and get back in the swing of academic work, and I can only imagine that it would be miserable!  It may very well get better.  I'd give it at least another semester.  Besides, if you can stick it out a bit longer, you'll at least walk away with a MA, which is something.

Or you might just not like teaching.  Lots of people don't.  It's no personal or moral failing.  Given that, are their other (non-academic) careers in which a PhD in your language/literature of choice might be valuable?  I know many people with PhDs in various non-English-language literatures who work in foreign service, journalism, humanitarian NGOs, etc.  If one of those options seems appealing to you and you think a PhD might further your career aims, stick with the program.

If none of these options is appealing, and you aren't interested in academia or any other career for which the PhD would be useful, then JUST LEAVE!   But give it a little time before you make a big decision.  Things do take getting used to, and both your skill and comfort level in the classroom may improve.

captain obvious makes a lot of very good points.
My post was not to encourage you to just abandon ship, but rather to tell you that it's okay to ask yourself these kinds of questions.  Of course you're in a tough part of the quarter, and even those of us who usually really love teaching are not living it right now.

Hang in there and good luck!

[watermarkup]

Several years ago, I could have written the original post. I did not enjoy my first semesters teaching. The dog and pony show of communicative language teaching did not come naturally to me. Actually, I stank at it.

Things got better. With more experience, I became more confident, and I got a better sense of what will work and what won't. (I also became more willing to tell the communicative enforcement police to take a hike every now and then so I could make my students laugh, or think, by saying something in English, aka something that they would understand). Remember, in grad school there will always be a trade-off between teaching an interesting upper-level course (that requires a lot more preparation) and, say, Spanish 101 one more freakin' time (but which now requires no preparation at all and leaves you with lots of time to write a dissertation).

After I finished my Ph.D., I did 3 years teaching 4-4 with a lot of language teaching. Was it the academic dream lifestyle? No, but it was close enough, and left enough time for research, to keep me satisfied. The language teaching is important, because if anybody, especially outside academia, ever questioned the value of my work, I could talk about sending students off to life-changing study abroad experiences, international internships, and careers with multinational corporations.

But if you get down the road a ways and don't enjoy any of it, by all means, look for something that will work better for you.

[a_salika]

Hello,

Perhaps the problem is that you haven't been trained to teach. There is a magic to teaching when you get it right, but there are also methodologies that one should learn before entering the classroom. I used to teach English abroad and although I enjoyed working with my students, I felt unprepared and generally negative about my success in the classroom. But then I started going to night classes to get a diploma in TESL and really learned the important components of teaching and how to effectively convey my knowledge to my students in an interesting way. You don't need to get a diploma or anything, but it might help if you attended workshops geared towards TAs, speak with more experienced colleagues and professors, and perhaps even sit in on a class on teaching methodologies as well as classes of more experienced teachers.

You need to remain positive about teaching and see it as a chance to learn and grow.

[bewilderedta]

Thanks, everybody, for your replies. You're all right in that it's probably the worst part of the term right now, and with time and a fresh batch of students next semester will hopefully be better. My current students are mostly blank-faced. In some cases I think it's their personalities, but in others I do wonder if it's not because I'm just boring to them. I pretty much stink at the dog and pony show, too.

I'm taking a teaching methodologies course which is somewhat helpful. I wish I'd taken it before I started teaching. I read things saying "try such and such" and I just get a picture in my head of my twenty students rolling their eyes and sighing at me.

But I'm off to school for the day - thank you again for the advice. I really do appreciate it.

[larryc]

Devilish advocate here--not everyone likes to teach. Unfortunately some people don't discover their dislike until they are on the tenure track and have $XX,0000 in loans to repay. Figuring out that you don't like teaching early on could be a gift if you leave academia and find something more satisfying to do with your life.

[randomfemale]

I am a quiet and reserved type of person, so teaching does not come naturally to me, especially the charades and "fun" of the communicative approach. While the love for literature persists and I like the work I do for my own classes, teaching has been very rough.

After rereading this part, I agree with larryc. I love teaching (am a cc asst. prof now), and, although I wasn't all that good at it that first semester as a TA, I knew it was the right choice from the first day.

I think finding joy--or at least amusement--in the "charades" aspect of the job is important. (By charades, I assume you mean having fun in front of the class and getting to know the students a bit.) It helps put students at ease and encourages participation to see that you enjoy what you're doing, and it's good for you to enjoy what you're doing. I'm not sure if that's something that can grow on you.

Other experienced folk, please correct me if I'm wrong.

[bewilderedta]

To clarify - by "charades" I mean, literally, charades, as well as other nonverbal ways to convey the meaning of a word. Such as showing pictures, making illustrative noises, etc. Like I said, it's the communicative method in a first year language class, and it involves fun and games and peppiness.

It may well be true that I'm just not cut out to teach. I guess my hope is that I may be okay at teaching more advanced subjects in a style that suits my personality better, and I have to soldier on through for a while to find that out.

Also: thanks again for all replies, whether devil's advocate or "buck up little camper" - I really am grateful. And I feel a bit less cursed today. I had a good meeting with one of my professors and am now feeling like it might be worthwhile after all.

[magistra]

You may also be happier at another school with less fun and games and peppiness.  They're fine ways of learning, but a little drilling never hurt anyone either.