"No, you have a history of ineptitude, and you're perpetuating it right now."
Oh, so many institutions (& people) in the UK that I'd like to use that line on!
I'm with HSBC and though it was a royal hassle setting it up as a grad student, they have been OK. Not that I don't doubt others have had horrendous experiences, I just seem to have been relatively lucky. Partner went with NatWest and that was slightly easier than HSBC.
On another note, HSBC was recently in the news (the THES covered it) for charging graduate students extra on their accounts (something to do with overdrafts, I can't recall exactly). The National Union of Students got a web campaign up and running against it, which resulted in HSBC eventually backing down. So, perhaps all the HSBC victims on this board should get a Facebook campaign together to mobilize against HSBC!