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[downindumps]

Hello Everyone. I sit here on the morning of my official last day at my first full-time position, the one I'm leaving to take supposed better position that is much better suited to me, and I feel quite empty. And upset. I just have to go to turn in my keys, and then I'm done there, but I feel so hurt, honestly, by several people's behavior that it seems to me that I did not matter to anyone this whole year. A week or two ago, I sent out an email announcing officially that I was leaving, and not less than five minutes later, the Dean sent out a glowing email about someone else in the department who was leaving and suggested we throw her a big party and get her a nice gift. I was never mentioned at all, nor was it suggested a party be thrown in my honor. Now, I know I've only been there a year, and this other person has been there for two, but it seemed to me that a nice email at least on my behalf would have been appropriate. Not only that, but very few even said goodbye or wished me well, and I left yesterday practically in tears.

With the exception of my students, who really are the ones that matter, who all said they'd miss me and wanted to keep in touch and gave me many words of praise, no one seems to care that I'm leaving at all. So, okay, perhaps some don't like me as much as I thought, but the fact that no one recognized me and my contributions this year in any official or unofficial capacity felt like a slap in the face. I felt I went way above and beyond for the college, my department and my students, and I'm just saying, it would have been nice to have some recognition of that. In comparison to the other person who started when I did, and really most in the department, I gave so much of my time and energy volunteering for many projects, helping out in the learning center all year, running workshops, writing a chapter in a new text for our department, and several other things that no one else stepped up for. And it feels like I was never even there, that I did not matter to anyone. What a sour ending to this year!

Has anyone else experienced this? Even when our previous Dean quit, and gave two days notice, they at least took him out for lunch. Me, nada. No one did anything nice for me at all, not even a card wishing me well. I shouldn't have expected it, I guess, but this department really goes out for people leaving or with birthdays or anything else of significance. So, it feels pretty lousy.

I know I should be focusing on my impending move and new job, but I can't seem to get past this just yet. I want to say something to someone, but what would it really matter. I have had fantasies of telling off certain people in particular who snubbed me, but what good would that do? I will just leave quietly, I guess, and just swallow the fact that despite all my efforts, friendliness and everything I've put in there, it didn't matter in the least to anyone.

Downindumps, at least for now.

[aristotelian]

Was this a visiting position?  If so, from my experience, your treatment is pretty standard, and you should have no reason to feel upset.  They never considered you a part of their community, just a temporary contract worker, not unlike an adjunct.  As they probably see it, you should be thanking them for the opportunity, rather than them thanking you for your service.  I'm not saying this is right, but this was my experience and I didn't expect much more than that.  When I went through this, I did make friends with one faculty member in the department who continues to write letters for me.  But I didn't expect or get a big production when I left.   

If you are leaving a tenure track position, you have even less grounds for complaint, as they probably see you as bailing on their department.

[aandsdean]

Down,

You've been there a year.  Though it probably seems like a long time to you--and I have no doubt whatever that you made the contributions you say you did--for people who'd been there longer, you were just "passing through."  Also, if you were on a non-TT position, it's pretty likely that your so-called "colleagues" never much bothered to make an investment in you.

You also say you're looking towards a position at a better place where you're a better fit.  Doesn't this series of incidents suggest that, indeed, your "fit" at the place you're leaving wasn't really great?

I don't say any of this to be hurtful.  I am sure it's painful to be snubbed by people who you thought were friends, or at least friendly.  But a year doesn't tie ties very tightly, it's the middle of the summer, and people may well have intuited your issues with "fit," in which case they may feel insulted.

Move on, don't look back; blow them off, they're not worth it.  And good luck with your next place--if it's your place, and you are there for a while, and if you leave eventually, you will receive the kind of recognition you're lacking this time.

[anthroid]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad--it truly is a good thing you're leaving for a better place.  I have no real advice for you.  We have plenty of visiting or one-year people in my department come and go, and I have to admit that we don't do anything for them.  They teach and teach well, which is what they're paid for--that's nothing exceptional.

It can be hard leaving a place even if it's only been a year.  I left my first full time job with great relief but there were still some regrets, and my second full time job, in which I had stayed for six years and had been tenured, was quite hard.  Some folks will say it's harder to be the one left behind, but it's often just as hard leaving people with whom you have worked rather intensively, even if it's only been a year.

Just know, downindumps, that your mood will lift as you get ready to organize your new office and make new friends and meet the students in your new place, and that your sadness is quite natural in this situation.  I'm sending good thoughts your way!

[downindumps]

I was in a tt position there, and I know I was only there a year, and no, it wasn't a great fit (the position itself). I know in the scheme of things, it doesn't matter, and I do know some are sore about me leaving, but it just felt really lousy leaving on such a low note. In particular, two people I considered friends, who I hung out with frequently all year, have completely snubbed me. They know I'm leaving, and they have not made any attempts to call me or anything these last few weeks. This is a big change considering the three of us went out and talked on the phone several times a week this entire year. I asked one of them if he was upset with me or something, and he claimed he wasn't, but then I saw him yesterday, my last day, and he didn't even acknowledge me at all. That stung quite a bit. A few others I considered friends also snubbed me, and all in all, it just feels horrible to be treated that way by those I considered friends.

[downindumps]

Thank you all for your perspective. It has made me feel slightly better! A year isn't that long, although it did seem that way to me, but given the climate of my department, where a party is throw and a card is filled out for everyone for everything, it just felt pretty rotten to just leave with nothing from anyone. Oh well - on to bigger and better! I'm going to go turn in my keys now and not look back.

[spork]

To answer your question, no, you were a replaceable cog in the machine.  Don't take it personally, it happens to everyone.

[dundee]

I had a similar experience recently. I had a visiting position for two years in a smallish dept. (less than 20 people). I got to know several colleagues very well, had them over to my house, went out for drinks, etc, and had cordial, if not close, relationships with all members of the dept. They were all very nice to me while I was there, but when I left only a handful actually expressed any good wishes in person or by email. At first I was pretty upset, because even though I was "just passing through," I put in 100% effort while I was there, and two years is not a short period of time. However, I came to realize that because I was visiting I was always viewed as transient, no matter how much they liked me (or pretended to). While I still feel that it is simple common courtesy to say something like, "Good luck at your next position," I honestly think that most of my colleagues were too busy and or self-absorbed at the end of the academic year to make the effort. OP, since you were on the t-t, your ex-colleagues may well feel snubbed and betrayed.

[georgia_guy]

If you just announced that you are leaving, and they expected you to return for fall, the response you are getting may be due to the very short notice. If one of my tenure track faculty announced this month, that they would not return for fall, and had not given any indication that we should be lining up alternatives, I would be seriously put on the spot.

Did they know you were on the market? Was your notice significantly shorter than the notice given by the other faculty member? These things might make a big difference to the response you get.

[mdwlark]

I have been there.  I have learned through several experiences with moving on, both good and bad, that you can't place your happiness, satisfaction, or self esteem in the hands of others.  You have to value yourself regardless of others' reactions to you.  It is especially hard to do when you feel alone and ignored.  If other people are appreciative or say something to indicate that you mattered to them, that is just frosting on the cake.  It's a gift.

On the other hand, another thing to consider is that the way in which you left may have colored people's reactions, as others have suggested here.  You can review the events and learn from them, so that you don't make the same mistakes in a future setting.  You can admit to a mistake and still value yourself for all the good things you have accomplished. 

[prytania3]

A) You were only there for a year.

B) People are obviously pissed that you are leaving.

[sequoia_sun]

Well, like you said in your original post, you mattered to your students and that is what often matters the most. You DID matter, whether or not the people you worked with acknowledged it or not. Try not to let it bother you too much. Sounds like you're on to better days. You will get over it. So will they.

More importantly, so will you!

[dagny]

A couple of situations for purposes of comparison--

1. When a (very well-liked, very gracious) colleague left my department after 8 years--and was moving on to greener pastures--the dept chair remembered at the last minute and scheduled a lunch that was so spur-of-the-moment that practically nobody in the department could attend. There was no "thanks for your service" e-mail, no card to sign, nothing.

2. When a different colleague left the next year, after 6 years--also for greener pastures, but with more obvious glee and many more harsh words about our department--some senior faculty made a point of telling junior faculty that "we don't celebrate troublemakers." Far from causing trouble, she had simply been up-front about her (very legitimate) reasons for leaving once she had turned in her notice.

Your situation isn't particularly similar to either of these, but my point is that even longstanding, beloved colleagues often leave without any fanfare. A lot has to do with who you're close to and who has the power, time, clout, whatever to organize a going-away event. I don't know how much you have in common with #2, but if you've been vocal about why you're leaving or are perceived as bad-mouthing your department, that basically answers your question.

One other thing (sorry, but I've seen several colleagues leave over the last few years and this strikes a chord with me)--If your department tends to lose people regularly, as mine does, the people you considered friends may simply be tired of losing potential close friends and colleagues. Some departments develop a sort of beaten-down attitude about new people, assuming that they may not be around long, or worrying that if they get close to someone and become friends, the friendship will eventually fall by the wayside as the new colleague takes off for greener pastures. My colleague #2 above once told me that she had lost 9 friends to other universities by the time she herself left--several of them from our own department. Your friends may be feeling down about losing you, but frustrated and angry as well, especially if they feel that your leaving could have been prevented.

Anyway, my very long-winded two cents. I'm sorry you're going through this.

[sikora]

I feel exactly the same way, but I've been so angry, and frankly, for four years, I have been badly treated by several colleagues (Phil and RS dept. and my friend Prof. Meany). 

Gosh, I understand.  I hope you feel better soon.

occ

[qrypt]

Prytania is right - they're pissed at you.  You were on tt, and you're leaving after a year?  Then of course they're pissed off, and in no mood to celebrate you.  You were supposed to stay, and instead you've rejected them.  You really expected anything different?