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fiona
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« on: July 17, 2007, 02:58:48 AM » |
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I've opened this thread for those who've been telling such tales on the "Mother, maid . . . too many roles" thread.
Put your bodily excretion stories here from now on. Some of our more squeamish readers will feel cleansed.
The Fiona
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The Fiona or perhaps La Fiona
Professor of Thread Killing, Fiork University
The Right Reverend Fiona, PhD, Bishop of the Fora
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basilratbane
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« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2007, 03:45:03 AM » |
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Cackle.
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relocated_southerner
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« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2007, 11:20:42 AM » |
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My spouse calls the really nasty ones:
TURD-POC-OLIPSE
Now you know.
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thedunvegan
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« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2007, 12:16:56 PM » |
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spit happens
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mirandaf
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« Reply #4 on: July 17, 2007, 01:09:52 PM » |
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This was mentioned on the other thread, and I forgot to chime in then. A friend also had his daughter throw up in HIS mouth. He was holding her above his head ('look at the baby flyyyyyyy') after she'd eaten, and WHOOPS!
Yuck.
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I am some stranger on the internet advising you about your uterus. I am not sure how much weight you should give to my advice. |
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fishbrains
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« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2007, 01:55:42 PM » |
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For the bowel movements that run up the back I have been working on a theme song (to the rhythm of Baby Got Back:
I like big poops and I cannot lie
These diapers can't deny
When I get fed with the squishy wishy squash
And apricots for dessert
My bowels get sprung! Ooooohhh baby! He passed this mush
Cause you know that butt was stuffed!
This is as far as I've gotten. I usually get bopped on the head by my wife at that point. Feel free to add on.
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"My face is going green behind the mask . . ." ~ Peter Shaffer's Equus
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magimax
Magical
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 2,199
meow
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« Reply #6 on: July 17, 2007, 02:01:17 PM » |
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On my last trip through O'Hare, I was walking past a line of people waiting for security checks, when a baby being held by a man leaned out over his arm and threw up. The sick part? The woman (could only be the baby's mom) caught most of it in her hands. I was amazed and appalled at the same time.
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Нема лоша ракиа, има малко.
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zarathustra
Because the Chron says I'm a
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 9,871
Procrastifabulous by nature.
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« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2007, 02:03:44 PM » |
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My colleagues with babies have almost made me gag with their stories. Told over lunch no less.
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"...undigested hummus trading real estate for this fire dance.." ~C.S.
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slac_vap
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« Reply #8 on: July 17, 2007, 02:06:07 PM » |
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For the bowel movements that run up the back I have been working on a theme song (to the rhythm of Baby Got Back:
I like big poops and I cannot lie
These diapers can't deny
When I get fed with the squishy wishy squash
And apricots for dessert
My bowels get sprung! Ooooohhh baby! He passed this mush
Cause you know that butt was stuffed!
This is as far as I've gotten. I usually get bopped on the head by my wife at that point. Feel free to add on.
Great. Thanks for getting this stuck in my head. (Although to be fair, it did help me to stop singing "Spiderpig, Spiderpig, does whatever a Spiderpig does," from the Simpsons movie trailer.) |
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"...the world between reality and fantasy improv nonsense is blurred in Columbus." -David Gaus
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mirandaf
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« Reply #9 on: July 17, 2007, 02:38:14 PM » |
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>Great. Thanks for getting this stuck in my head.
>(Although to be fair, it did help me to stop singing "Spiderpig, Spiderpig, does whatever a Spiderpig does," from the Simpsons movie trailer.)
I thought I was the only one singing that song. My daughter thinks that's hilarious.
On the plus-side re: babies & such, I went back to work when my daughter was 3 months old. (Put her in infant care at work 3 days/wk.) That year, I (1) pumped milk & nursed; (2) wrote dissertation proposal and took first big grad school exam; and (3) worked 4 days/week. I figure if I accomplished that, I can pretty much accomplish anything in life.
(What I didn't do during Year 1 was clean my house, exercise much, or go to the dentist.)
Spiderpig, Spiderpig, does whatever a Spiderpig does...
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I am some stranger on the internet advising you about your uterus. I am not sure how much weight you should give to my advice. |
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slac_vap
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« Reply #10 on: July 17, 2007, 02:49:36 PM » |
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No >Great. Thanks for getting this stuck in my head.
>(Although to be fair, it did help me to stop singing "Spiderpig, Spiderpig, does whatever a Spiderpig does," from the Simpsons movie trailer.)
I thought I was the only one singing that song. My daughter thinks that's hilarious.
No, no. It's not just you. And we've been applying it to everything. My mom bought my son a ball with Spiderman on it, so now everytime my son picks it up my husband sings "Spiderball, Spiderball, does whatever...". And my son has new pajamas with spiders on them, so it's "Spider_junior, Spider_junior, does whatever...". Gaah! |
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"...the world between reality and fantasy improv nonsense is blurred in Columbus." -David Gaus
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scheherazade
1/3 of the Triumvirate of Evil and the Most Delicious
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 7,109
Running feminist prostitution rings since 1998
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« Reply #11 on: July 17, 2007, 03:52:04 PM » |
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My daughter was sitting on my lap in the car in a gas station parking lot. It was a quick stop on a long trip to the mountains in Colorado during Thanksgiving weekend. While sitting on my lap, said 6 month old daughter exploded out her pants, all over herself and, of course, me. I was wearing a long wool coat at the time and had to try and clean her and the coat in the gas station bathroom, as we still had a couple hours to go on the trip. Fun times.
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You historians disturb me sometimes. |
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ceejay
New member
Posts: 36
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« Reply #12 on: July 17, 2007, 04:13:29 PM » |
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For the bowel movements that run up the back I have been working on a theme song (to the rhythm of Baby Got Back:
I like big poops and I cannot lie
These diapers can't deny
When I get fed with the squishy wishy squash
And apricots for dessert
My bowels get sprung! Ooooohhh baby! He passed this mush
Cause you know that butt was stuffed!
This is as far as I've gotten. I usually get bopped on the head by my wife at that point. Feel free to add on.
Actually, around here, we like Chamillionaire's "Ridin' Dirty" His name is ______ A baby All day long He's eatin' big and poopin' dirty eatin' big and poopin' dirty (repeat) |
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minervabird
New member
Posts: 25
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« Reply #13 on: July 18, 2007, 01:57:30 AM » |
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Try twins....I was 14 babysitting my twin younger brothers who were in diapers and toddling around. Let us just call it diaper relay. The minute one was cleaned and changed, the other started crying from a full or wet diaper. It was also a very hot summer day, and they were cranky. My mom came home to find me watching the Sam and Justin in the backyard, naked, playing in the wader pool at 7 pm at night. She got angry that they weren't in bed, and I explained after multitudes of diaper changes, I just gave up and figured they could pee away in the pool while getting rid of some of that energy.
She made me my favorite meal that night :-) And, I took photographs of Sam and Justin playing in the pool that mysteriously appeared at Sam's wedding ;-) Revenge is sweet.
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sequoia_sun
code-bearing
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 3,005
threadualiscious
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« Reply #14 on: July 18, 2007, 08:53:32 PM » |
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Try twins....I was 14 babysitting my twin younger brothers who were in diapers and toddling around. Let us just call it diaper relay. The minute one was cleaned and changed, the other started crying from a full or wet diaper. It was also a very hot summer day, and they were cranky. My mom came home to find me watching the Sam and Justin in the backyard, naked, playing in the wader pool at 7 pm at night. She got angry that they weren't in bed, and I explained after multitudes of diaper changes, I just gave up and figured they could pee away in the pool while getting rid of some of that energy.
She made me my favorite meal that night :-) And, I took photographs of Sam and Justin playing in the pool that mysteriously appeared at Sam's wedding ;-) Revenge is sweet.
Oh, no. Nekkid pool pee'ers. Don't let Fiona see! |
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Greetings, earthlings...
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