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[spectacle]

Biomancer: Hang in there and try not to let student get to you (easier said than done, I know). I get a handful of students like that each semester who are convinced that I'm the only obstacle between them and law school. I'd almost pay to see what would happen to them if they somehow made it into 1L. Almost.

Smithfield: I had a similar problem when I taught popular elective course a few years ago. I finally posted a sign on my office door that said in large letters "No Overrides," devised a form e-mail, and strategically avoided the phone (I share an office with several other people that has just one phone with no voicemail capability, so it's easy to claim that messages got lost in the shuffle). That didn't eliminate the desperate pleas entirely, but it reduced them to a mere trickle.

Dept_Geek: Good grief. I hope you have a sensible dean who will take the student's whining with a grain of salt.

I've devised a form email, but I share an office so I don't feel like I can post a note on the door.   I know I seem like a hard-hearted demon-woman to these little'uns, but I just can't handle over-capacity at this teaching load and cap. These classes are RUINED by being so huge as it is.  It's really a shame. 

How 'bout that spam, by the way.  Ho hum. 

[lohai0]

If the syllabus SAYS you can work in groups on your project, why clutter up my inbox with that question?  Quite frankly, XXX #5, since you and XXX #4 are working together and I only know that you two are the last of the five students named XXX in this section because I have learned everyone else's names (even the two sets of twins!), I hope for your sake that this hypothetical third person has more than the combined 25% you two share.  Actually, why don't you and the kid with eye watering BO all drop and save me some irritation.

Also, really foolish student, you CHOSE to skip class for two weeks to be with your skeevey BF when he lost a bar fight and needed plastic surgery.  The student with mono is here every day - and the report of the police blotter says that BF was never critical.  You too can drop.

[vardahilwen]

Dear kind geniuses in the registration office,

If you send one more student to me with the instruction that "her class is full, but if you go ask really politely, I'll bet she'll let you in"  I'm going to come over there and shove those add/drop forms down your throat.  If I let every student you send over add, I'd have 50 students in each class. There are caps for a reason.  THERE ARE CAPS FOR A REASON.  Tell them the damn class is full. 

No one needs Snack Cake Consumption to graduate, it's just the favorite freshman elective.  Tell them to take something else.  Get a freaking grip.  QUIT SENDING THEM TO ME.  Do your goddamn job.  Jeez.

I have the same problem with a 300-level course I teach that's restricted to junior and senior majors.  People beg to get in, telling me that they "can't graduate without it" as it's "required for the degree."  No folks, it's not.  It's RECOMMENDED.  And do you really think I don't know the degree requirements?

[biomancer]

And, oh yes, Snowflake insists he's going to medical school when he graduates.  I thought I'd left this kind of egotistical idiot behind when I left PretentiousSLAC.  No doubt he'll blame me when he doesn't get accepted into medical school.

<sigh> oh well.  Off to teach my other section of lab.

That is one situation where I will gladly take the blame credit. 

My experience has been that at PretentiousSLAC, the student would them whine to the Dean and/or President, and threaten to have their rich alumni relative withhold a donation.  At less pretentious places they still whine, but the threats are different.   

Yeah... that's exactly why I gave him the extra time to fill in the scan-tron sheet.  I don't want him b*tching to my Deanlet and leaving a permanent complaint on my record.

Biomancer: Hang in there and try not to let student get to you (easier said than done, I know). I get a handful of students like that each semester who are convinced that I'm the only obstacle between them and law school. I'd almost pay to see what would happen to them if they somehow made it into 1L. Almost.

At PretentiousSLAC I'd have a couple dozen like this each year, and they were common enough that I could be a complete harda$$ about it and the Dean would back me up.  It's not clear to me yet if my deanlet has my back or not, so I'm covering my a$$.  However, Snowflake knows that he's gotten all the favors he's getting. 

I thought a little more about how the conversation went (while venting to Mr.B as we walked Biopup this evening)... Snowflake mentioned how exams weren't like this at Main Campus of Big State, and he'd never seen this until getting to Branch Campus.  I now am pretty certain that he's here because he failed out of Main Campus, because it wouldn't make sense for him to be here otherwise.  We have less than 1/10 of the courses the Main Campus has, so he wouldn't start there and then move here.

Everyone else... here, have a lovely beverage.  The beer I'm halfway through is helping my outlook considerably.

[mountainguy]

Snowflake mentioned how exams weren't like this at Main Campus of Big State, and he'd never seen this until getting to Branch Campus.  I now am pretty certain that he's here because he failed out of Main Campus, because it wouldn't make sense for him to be here otherwise.  We have less than 1/10 of the courses the Main Campus has, so he wouldn't start there and then move here.

I concur. While I don't mean to knock the academic rigor of branch campuses, that excuse doesn't the pass the sniff test.

[biomancer]

Snowflake mentioned how exams weren't like this at Main Campus of Big State, and he'd never seen this until getting to Branch Campus.  I now am pretty certain that he's here because he failed out of Main Campus, because it wouldn't make sense for him to be here otherwise.  We have less than 1/10 of the courses the Main Campus has, so he wouldn't start there and then move here.

I concur. While I don't mean to knock the academic rigor of branch campuses, that excuse doesn't the pass the sniff test.

Exactly - we don't lack rigor - Basketweaving 101 is the same course whether you take it at Main Campus or any of the branch campuses.  Being a branch means that we don't have Basketweaving courses above the 300 level.

There was a lot in that conversation that didn't pass the sniff test (I gave a very truncated version here).  I expect that there will probably be some more attempts at drama by this student, but I also expect that he's going to fail this course of his own doing anyway.

[jwormold]

WTF! WTF! WTF!

(Yes, it's been a very bad day).

This just arrived in my inbox.

Hi Professor Wormold,
 I was wondering if I would be able to take the 2nd quiz for next week at a different time. I have to be
back at home for my high school's homecoming since I have to take part in the parade and also crown the
new queen. Thank you :)
Queen Snowflake


What part of no make-up quizzes is at all unclear in my syllabus?  And, holy $hit, I have two previous homecoming queens in my class?  (I vented about this about a week or so ago).   How many more?  Maybe they'll all wear their crowns to class one day.

Clearly, giving lots of little quizzes is the worst idea I ever had.  Truly.  I have learned my lesson.  I thought, oh, give quizzes, let class out early, won't things be grand.  No freak outs about the a big mid-term. No cramming.  It's all fresh in the mind.

In future classes, it will be a mid-term, a paper, and a final.  It worked in 1932.  Why did I mess with it?

[anon99]

Seriously $400 in fuel surcharges and another $100 UK passenger/air tax.  WTF.

[lohai0]

The Demons of Student Retention would not allow us to have the 1932 model here.  We have to set our Acedemic Alerts by week 4-and that is expected to include at least one significant assessment.

[mountainguy]

In future classes, it will be a mid-term, a paper, and a final.  It worked in 1932.  Why did I mess with it?

The Demons of Student Retention would not allow us to have the 1932 model here.  We have to set our Acedemic Alerts by week 4-and that is expected to include at least one significant assessment.

Welcome to the world of mixed messages in contemporary academia. We're supposed to give frequent assessments to promote "deep learning," even when institutional culture doesn't support such a model. It's hard for me not to roll my eyes and snicker when admincritters in my department talk about "improving standards." Our system rewards instructors who follow the path of least resistance, no matter how weak their instructional practices might be. It's depressing. (And for the record, I try to focus on the good students. But it becomes mighty difficult to do that when I feel pressure from the slackers to dumb down my standards just for them).

Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox now. I feel like a grumpy old man., which makes me sad. I want learning to be a positive experience for students , I want to be energized about my teaching,  but at the end of the day, I can't magically make students engage with the material if they don't want to be there.

[jwormold]

I just remembered last year, during my first semester here at what more and more resembles KFC, I actually did give one of my classes (which was a mid-level, required course for majors) a mid-term, a paper, and a final.  It was pure essays: I didn't even give short answers, fill-ins, nothing. Just essays upon essays.  It was the most painful grading experience of my life.  I've taught at what I thought was a similar institution before, and the students totally could handle those types of exams; not here. 

I'm no longer teaching that class. It's now back to fill-in and multiple choice assessments.

But at least I didn't feel like a rotten excuse for an instructor when I was giving essay exams, like I do now doing multiple choice. 

Hmmm. Where's my whisky?

[tenured_feminist]

Damn I wish you'd accepted people's offer of help last spring. This outcome was totally predictable and totally preventable. While I understand that you must feel like things changed midstream, you really can't have expected that everyone would feel sorry for you and admire your pluck and just let it go. There are no As for effort -- or passes for effort -- in this stage of the profession.

Best wishes to everyone else who's suffering the slings and arrows of beginning-of-term s***e.

[cms99]

Wow, just wow.  So, first vent which leads to second vent.  Our washing machine broke over the weekend, so I've been going to the laundromat while trying to get our machine fixed.  I'd forgotten how much I hate that.  At least the laundromat I go to has a bar connected to it, so I can drink beer and wash clothes at the same time.  This leads to the second vent.

I was sitting at the bar last night waiting on the dryer to finish, and was talking to another guy there about the upcoming visit of President Obama to our fair city.  The other guy's not an Obama fan, but thinks it's pretty cool that the President is coming to speak at our school.  A third guy butts in, starts spewing how Obama is a socialist, Kenyan, etc.  We ignore him.   Third guy finally says, "I hope that Swelterville becomes for Obama what Dallas was for Kennedy".  WTF is with people?  Where is decency and civility?  Before I had a chance to respond the bartender threw him out for his comment.

[mountainguy]

Dear Students:

Yes, you can choose to miss class for special event, and yes, you're still responsible for knowing the information covered in class while you were gone. No, I will not give the lecture notes to you. Ask a classmate. No, I will not cancel class altogether just because 1/3rd of the class doesn't plan to attend that day. Sheesh.

[prof_smartypants]

Dear a$$hole student,

No, I do not post my powerpoints online. It's one of the tradeoffs for not having an attendance policy.

When I tell you that, do not whine at me that I go too fast. If I go too fast, say something in class and I will slow down or repeat myself. If you missed something, come to my office hours. When I tell you that I've put a very good notetaking tips handout on the website, do not tell me that you "know how to take notes". You do not.

Then, after all that, so not sit there sulking with your notebook closed rolling your eyes during the entire lecture. That's not how you take notes, either.