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[prytania3]

I fly a lot... I have too many horrible airport/airline stories to recount here.

I can just offer some advice to those who travel.

When you travel get into the valium mindset. You have to act like you've taken at least two valium and let nothing upset you. You are in control of your attitude. You are not in control of anything else.

Getting annoyed that you have to go through security every time you have to pee will not stop you from having to go through security every time you have to pee... it will just raise your blood pressure. Getting annoyed that your luggage is lost, and yelling at the baggage handler will not find your luggage any faster. I could go on and on, but you get the picture.

Focus on where  you're going, not on how you get there. Pick out a good book that is mindless (I find John Grisham is perfect for flying). And just enjoy the enforced reading time.

I couldn't agree more. Remember that you don't have to feed and water the oxen and repair the wagon wheels during the three months it takes you to travel from Kansas City to Oregon City like it did a *short* hundred and fifty years ago.

Or go through the Donner Pass. Ewwww.....

[dr_stones]

Anyone remember back when the Cylons "voiced" the message systems on the trains at Hartsfield International Airport (ATL)?

[crazybatlady]

These stories are part of why I actually do take two valium when traveling. I can't fake the calm, but I can get it with a quick call to Dr. Script and a visit to Walgreens.

Yea, drugs!

cbl

[gennimom]

Well, I learned a lesson the last time I flew. Be comfortable, but DON'T wear baggy clothes. I got patted down. NOT a fun experience.

[expatinuk]

Well, I learned a lesson the last time I flew. Be comfortable, but DON'T wear baggy clothes. I got patted down. NOT a fun experience.

This doesn't just happen when you wear baggy clothes. Don't let it worry you, the woman who was doing the patting down isn't getting her 'jollies' doing it.

Do NOT put your hands in your pockets just as you go through the scanner... guarantee to get you marked for a pat down every time. Same thing if you wear a 'hoodie'.

[jammer]

LAX is now at the top of my Worst Airport list - for the same reason as the Kansas City airport mentioned earlier:  You have to go outside the airport, get on a bus, and go back in through security to change terminals.  Whaaa?  I didn't think a thing about a two hour layover on the itinerary.  In most airports, that's plenty of time, but not when you have to wait in a three mile line to get back in through security. 

So, despite running through the airport, we missed our connecting flight which was the last flight of the day, and then had to pay for the hotel room because we were switching airlines (stupid Expedia) and neither airline thought this was their fault.  This was also the bedbug trip from Vegas (earlier thread) and so I was completely freaked out, not sleeping, and now poorer to boot.  The only redeeming feature of the trip was the fabulous malbec we had with dinner one night. 

[_touchedbyanoodle_]

Well, I learned a lesson the last time I flew. Be comfortable, but DON'T wear baggy clothes. I got patted down. NOT a fun experience.

This doesn't just happen when you wear baggy clothes. Don't let it worry you, the woman who was doing the patting down isn't getting her 'jollies' doing it.

Do NOT put your hands in your pockets just as you go through the scanner... guarantee to get you marked for a pat down every time. Same thing if you wear a 'hoodie'.

Yes, just take the hoodie off! I made the mistake of walking through the scanner with my hands in the hoodie of my pocket. The security agent tried to stop me, and shrieked, "Take your hands out of your pockets!" but I was already half-way through. They patted me, searched my stuff, and made me so late to board that I had to check my bag.

I repeat: just take the hoodie off.

[gennimom]

I knew she wasn't getting her jollies. I felt like a bug under a microscope. And everybody can see you, while you can see from the looks on their faces, they're wondering, "What did she do?"

I know somebody who gets patted down almost every time he flies. He's as American as anybody I know (I'm sure his family tree goes back several generations on this side of the pond). But his skin color always gets him a second look apparently. He is a light-skinned black. Racial profiling, anyone?

[icurhere2]

LAX is now at the top of my Worst Airport list - for the same reason as the Kansas City airport mentioned earlier:  You have to go outside the airport, get on a bus, and go back in through security to change terminals.  Whaaa?  I didn't think a thing about a two hour layover on the itinerary.  In most airports, that's plenty of time, but not when you have to wait in a three mile line to get back in through security. 

I've been able to give LAX a pass (used to have an office on West Century Blvd) due to the airport serving 60 million passengers a year, with all the terminals in a semi-circle - before the recent construction, I often easily walked when suggested not to. 

[empyrean_aisles]

I second the vote for Heathrow. As the first place you arrive when you get to a tiny country, it's something of an irony that you have to walk such a long way to get out. Usually with long-haul luggage and a very long-haul headache. And the irritating we're-so-multicultural HSBC ads that have been plastered all over it for the past half-dozen years don't do much to improve the mood.

[dr_stones]

The worst airport ever, on further reflection, was Cyril E. King Airport on St. Thomas (USVI).  This airport, situated on the side of a mountainous island, had a short runway for 757 traffic, a tall cliff at one end that pilots had to clear, and a Shell Gas Station at the end of the runway that plane swould periodically crash into (then they'd rebuild it).

That, and air traffic control consisted of a midget in a white suite shouting "De Pla-ene!  De Pla-ene!" from a bell tower . . . 

[placid_casual]

I did the water thing last time I flew - forgot there was an unopened bottle from the last airport in my bag. They of course confiscated it. But the clincher was when another 'security' guard came over, took the unopened bottle, walked back to his post and started drinking it within my line of sight! Amazing. Kind of exposed what a scam the whole thing is: unopened water bottles are dangerous enough to confiscate but not to, erm, drink...
Go figure.

[normative_]

I fly a lot... I have too many horrible airport/airline stories to recount here.

I can just offer some advice to those who travel.

When you travel get into the valium mindset. You have to act like you've taken at least two valium and let nothing upset you. You are in control of your attitude. You are not in control of anything else.

Getting annoyed that you have to go through security every time you have to pee will not stop you from having to go through security every time you have to pee... it will just raise your blood pressure. Getting annoyed that your luggage is lost, and yelling at the baggage handler will not find your luggage any faster. I could go on and on, but you get the picture.

Focus on where  you're going, not on how you get there. Pick out a good book that is mindless (I find John Grisham is perfect for flying). And just enjoy the enforced reading time.

I'm in the same..er.. boat.. and take a load of marking or supervision work along if I have some, since I can't write anything anyway, and I otherwise view taking the time to do it. I know I'm going to be stuck waiting for hours. I plowed through a 500 page dissertation on a 24 hour trip in and out of Heathrow/London recently.

And let me tell ya, that place requires me to travel longer from place to place than any airport I've ever been in.

[normative_]

The worst, however, is Pearson International in Toronto, because of the airport security. I fly at least every couple of weeks, and the only place that opens my luggage every time I fly there is in Toronto. Years ago, when I was flying in with my fiance to get married, they kept us on the plane after docking for 45 minutes, checking every passport before we were allowed to leave the plane, after which we stayed in a line for one and a half hours while the real passport controllers took about 5 minutes with every passenger or group, after which my wife and I were separated, had our baggage ripped apart, and they interrogated my wife for 45 minutes. She was sobbing when she came out.

This was all before 9/11, so no excuses there.

She still married me after that, but she swore she'd never set foot in Canada again, which was variously described as a godforesaken hellhole, a concentration camp and even more complementary explatives before she calmed down, and I could understand her. It was completely over the top.

We went again anyway in 2004, but only because my brother was getting married and wouldn't choose a neutral place like Bermuda. They didn't interrogate either of us the second time, and they let us depart the plane without showing our passports, but they still ripped apart our baggage and questioned everyone for at least a couple of minutes...

At least that time we took our golf clubs and planned in some extra vacation time so we could work off the frustration. It is a beautiful country once you get in...

[gunnercade]

Worst airport in my experience: London Gatwick. Long walks, confusing directions (calling them 'directions' is an overstatement), and  often enough you cannot find out your gate until the last minute. Staff is generally polite and efficient, though.
Worst experience with airport staff: Auckland. The Qantas check-in person decided that my perfectly regular documents (Italian passport, US green card and letter extending the green card for a year) were not good, and that I was trying to illegally enter the US. Her supervisor and her supervisor's supervisor decided that she was right (even though I showed them the conference program with my name on it, my university ID, my driver's license...), and it took a long call with the US consulate to convince them to allow me to board the plane. Eventually they let me go claiming that in LAX US Immigration would "take care of me." Of course, LAX custom was a breeze.
This, together with a lost bag and the unbelievably rude staff on the previous LAX-AKL flight, makes Qantas the worst airline ever (and there is plenty of aggressive competition for that title, as everyone knows).
Valium sounds good. So good.