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[rubyred]

I have been living and working abroad for many years now, and as I have gotten older, my list of desirable locations has gotten shorter and shorter. It is not that I am not as flexible or as interested in experiencing things as I used to be. I most definitely am! However, as a very independent American woman in her early 40s, I am realizing I may want to make more careful choices about where I choose to live in order to have a richer personal life. Taking a position in a small or isolated community or one in which integration into the culture is relatively difficult, for example, makes opportunities for meeting people less likely. I am living in a very interesting place now, but it is one with pretty traditional values and sex roles, and a woman in my position is considered something of an old maid and certainly an oddity. My age seems to have placed me out of the dating scene here, and it is even difficult to meet other women to hang out with; the married ones are taking care of their husbands and children and the single ones are taking care of their parents. Does anyone out there have any input on what I could expect if I moved to Istanbul?

[taormina]

Nothing too good in that department. If you have already experienced culture-related problems of the type you mentioned, you are very likely to find them in Istanbul too.

I am speaking as a native of that larger region (not Turkey though) who lived there 'til her mid-twenties.

I think there is a global tendency today to superficially extol the virtues of geographic mobility, cosmopolitanism, bi / multi-culturalism, integration into cultures completely different from one's own, etc. These aspects are presented in ways that sound so easy to do, oh, so glamourous and so "open-minded". Few, whether lay-men or researchers, seem to have the courage to discuss the sometimes devastating psychological impact of acculturation, of trying to becoming multi-cultural, or heck, even trying to tolerate living in a culture competely different from one's own. 

These are not easy things to do when it comes to one's identity as an individual. They do have negative consequences no matter how glamorous they may seem.  Based on both personal experience and research interest, I can say in good faith that integration into a new culture, particularly the type drastically different from one's own, can have pretty serious consequences for one's mental health.

Turkish culture and American culture are simply not very compatible.

I recomend the book "Third Culture Kids".

[jtsmr]

I think there is a global tendency today to superficially extol the virtues of geographic mobility, cosmopolitanism, bi / multi-culturalism, integration into cultures completely different from one's own, etc. These aspects are presented in ways that sound so easy to do, oh, so glamourous and so "open-minded". Few, whether lay-men or researchers, seem to have the courage to discuss the sometimes devastating psychological impact of acculturation, of trying to becoming multi-cultural, or heck, even trying to tolerate living in a culture competely different from one's own. 

Well said! This type of thinking you describe, IMHO, stems mostly from a WASP mindset which perceives non-WASPs as potential or aspiring WASPs. Edward Said stated as much.  But that's another issue that overlooks and misunderstands difference and because of this discomfort attempts to camouflage it as something recognizable, therefore, palatable.  There are many studies in intercultural communication that suggests the risks of cultural conflict when meeting another culture for the first time, or the enth time. "Uncertainty Reduction", "Cultural Contracts Theory" and "Identity Negotiation" are a few theories that look at the impact and effects of acculturative behavior.  Having lived abroad, I tell ya, it ain't always easy integrating, momentarily or long-term, in another culture, as there is constant cultural negotiation, bargaining, which I think is healthy, that takes place.  Then again Western theorists may be at odds with axiological Eastern thinking.  Who knows? Where is Just_Dave on this issue??

There is a level of superficiality when Westerners go abroad to what may be termed as "exotic" places and say that they "love" it and have "no" problems with the "exotic" place.  That's disingenuous because the hu who states such overlooks hu's own culture as distinct from the host country's.  I find that there's nothing inherently wrong or inconvenient about "difference" but something false and insincere when people pretend not to notice it or "ignore" it out of their momentary existences.  Difference is perceived as "threat" to some people. But you already knew that :)

Could you list how you find Turkish culture incompatible with American culture?

[normative_]

Ruby, you would certainly do well to move to Istanbul if the opportunity arises. I first moved there in 2000 and although I'm male and have since moved away, a good, single female friend in her 50s is still there and wouldn't leave for anything. She's having the time of her life. What isn't so common in America (and certainly not in Anatolia) is that Turkish men in Istanbul, particularly the younger, unmarried ones, find single, older women pretty attractive. Your biggest problem may be deciding how to deal with the supply of boy toys, if you're into that sort of thing, like the gardener, the plumber, etc. But it's a big city. If you go to the right venues you'll have no problem meeting the wealthier, well travelled, more cultivated sort. The expat community will point you in the right direction.

Once you've lived in Istanbul, it becomes eminently clear once you've travelled an hour and a half into Anatolia just how different the worlds are. You're just in the wrong place for your needs.

The best tip, though, is to live downtown (pick a good cosmopolitan one like Beyoglu). And the better your Turkish, the better for you...

[varka]

It's been 2 months since the OP wrote, but maybe you're still reading...

I am a single woman who has been living and working in Istanbul for several years.  I love it.  No matter how much and in how many different ways I recommend it, it won't enough.

And yes, you can have a very full life there as a single woman.  I feel safer walking on the streets here at night than I ever would in an American city.  It's not at all hard to meet cool people of all ages and genders to hang out with, and dating possibilities are there if you want them.

Like any place, it can drive you crazy sometimes.  And it has some special ways all its own that it can drive you crazy too.  It's not cheap anymore, either, be forewarned.

But like normative said, if you choose a cool, cosmopolitan neighborhood (Beyoglu, Cihangir, Besiktas, Nisantasi, Kuzguncuk, etc. etc.) and make an effort to learn the language, you'll find a home.  I know a lot of people who came for a year and never left, couldn't if they tried.  Just do it.  I hope I'll you meet you here one day.