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[tamiam]

Hi all -

I'm beaten down. I'm tired. I've got a couple more classes to take, a couple more exams to take, and then I've got to write a book. Before I write the book, I have to plan the book. Before I plan the book, I have to think of a question that I have some hope of answering, and answering in a way that will satisfy not only my advisor, but my entire department.

I cannot imagine having a single original idea, ever again. I used to drive to campus and dream up a million things I wanted to know more about. Now, all I want to do is get through my never ending to-do lists, generated by other people.

Is this a typical pre-dissertation phase?

[katherineparr]

Absolutely. And the solution is what another poster called factoring. I hope s/he is reading this, and will reiterate the point, because I don't remember where the post appeared. But basically - you break the tasks into tiny mini-tasks, then go at the tiny ones. It works, trust me.

But on the more general point: everyone has this reaction at some point. You can power through it (which is ok) or you can take a break. Coast for a couple of weeks and just try to breathe deeply. I felt this way, as did everyone I know. You will feel better one day.

Also, consider that your feelings may be the result of the constant criticism and direction you have been receiving. Feedback is great, but after a while it becomes a chorus in your head: "You've done this part wrong, do it again. I would have chosen to do this project another way. Your theoretical base is incorrect and requires more thought." Oversight, mentoring, training, whatever you want to call it - it can be overwhelming. After a while, one begins to feel that everything is flawed.

Anyway, I'm sorry you're feeling run down. Honestly, just give yourself a break and let your second wind come. You're good enough and smart enough, and even though we're all total strangers who use pseudonyms...people like you.

[zharkov]

About dissertation ideas, I found it helped to talk to different people, that is, to people outside your "regular" circle of profs and grad students. Maybe you find them in conferences and similar gatherings. If you can't find them, then try reading something you might not normally be attracted to.

About a dissertation, keep in mind that it supposed to be proof you know how to do your stuff, not some magnum opus. It should be as long and as comprehensive as it needs to be to show you know your stuff, but no longer.

[grasshopper]

Yes, I think it's normal. But being in almost the exact same position as you, I have absolutely no idea how to make it better.

I was told last weekend that my topic would likely be considered irrelevant by anybody outside of my immediate field. Yay for me!


I like the mini-task bit.

And the talking-to-others bit (this last one can also be an excuse to drink). But don't talk to people who tell you that your work is irrelevant, coz that's just a downer, dude.

[iomhaigh]

Yes.  Yes.  Yes.  Yes.  Yes.

Don't try to come up with the end-all-be-all dissertation.  Write down a list of things that interest you.  (And do this over a few weeks if need be.) 

Take those in and talk to your advisor -- get sheit's opinion on them (if you advisor won't be freaked out by such a conversation. If so, find a friend.)

Take time for yourself and your sanity.  This includes not trying to be productive during the week after any break (or during any short break), not trying to be productive during the week after finals or during finals, and not trying to be productive all the time. 

Best story I ever heard in school:  One of my profs told me that he had to take an entire summer off and just sit on his roofdeck and watch birds and baseball games.  If he hadn't done that, he wouldn't have had the energy to finish.

That, and your diss is your last student project, not your first book.  (Some fields & advisors will disagree with me on this one, so take it for what it is.)

[case_insensitive]

Is this a typical pre-dissertation phase?

Yes.

This, too, shall pass.

[tamiam]

Thanks everybody. Maybe what I need is a good night's sleep.

'nighty night.

[iomhaigh]

Upcoming phases to be on the lookout for:

The overwhelming crushing feeling (like a pachyderm on your head) that occurs when you realize exactly how much work you still have to accomplish before you can start writing/finish writing.

Tunnel vision cluelessness to all else that is not diss.  Emerging from this phase can be blinding.

Glee.  There will be glee.  

Frantic glee because my fingers cannot type fast enough to get this brilliant idea out and any noise is going to ruin my train of thought and all brilliance will flow out my ears like hot molten lava of my melting brain.  

Avoidance.  Suddenly, you can watch hours of Headline News on repeat without caring.  

Feeling of fraudulence.  (Not to be confused with flatulance, which some may have from eating too much cheese.)  

Burning hatred at your younger self for not doing any number of things that may or may not have any actual impact on your current progress or lack thereof but which you have decided are directly responsible for your current speed of progress of lack thereof.

Feelings of ill-will towards advisors.  I recommend tacking their articles to dartboards and releasing agression in this fashion.  

Feelings of ill-will towards others in your cohort.  Marshmellow roasting over copies of their seminar papers which you will otherwise dutifully move cross-country and yet never read is a good fix.  

Anti-climactic poopiness.  This happens after you finish.  

Exhaustion.  Mental, physical, etc.  Rolling waves, but the one that comes after you turn in your final copy or defend can be utterly incapacitating.  Be ready for it.  Plan nothing for a couple of days.  

Time-space-continuum dissonance.  You get up & dutifully start writing while it is light out.  You do not notice that it is dark out until your stomach growls/pet asks to go out/living being comes to see if you are dead under a collapsed bookcase.

Paranoia.  Takes many forms.  I became fanatical about backing up my diss.  A colleague was convinced he was going to get scooped.  (Never, ever, ever gonna happen with that topic.)

Glee.  There is glee.  I promise.  Of course, I'm still slowly coming up for air after finishing last summer.  

[crazybatlady]

Tamiam, you rock and you know it. You just need a bath and some chocolate.

And read what Iomhaigh just wrote while I was posting. She's a genius.

cbl

[illuminata]

Oh, yes. Everything iomhaigh said. And don't forget the: cookies/ice cream/vodka/salsa/chip binges. And the "I think I'll go open a bar in Key West" recurring, intrusive fantasy stage.

In my first course in my PhD program, my advisor gave us all a copy of a real (although satirical) article from BigName Psych Journal entitled 'Dissertation Dementia Disorder of Adulthood". It's all true. Fortunately, it appears to be largely reverseable. I am hoping the same is true for my expanding girth, due to aforementioned eating stage.

[iomhaigh]

Tamiam, you rock and you know it. You just need a bath and some chocolate.

And read what Iomhaigh just wrote while I was posting. She's a genius.

cbl

Ah...it's not genius -- I'm just still freshly scarred from my own dissertation escapades and remember it all far, far, far too clearly.

The twitching still comes back from time to time...but I'm largely okay to be let out in public!

ooooh!  Illuminata -- I forgot about the fantasy jobs!  Mine is far too revealing because I always joked about it, but mind-numbing line work would have been glorious.

[magimax]

iomhaigh, that was sheer brilliance!  It totally parses the uh... what's that called... crap... the word that describes the phases of a cycle.  It ends in -ology.  Shoot.

I guess that's one more to add to the list - losing the ability to use vocabulary outside the topic of the diss.  I believe I'm developing aphasia.  Ugh.

I am currently experiencing the pachyderm effect, the tunnel effect (I'm actually looking forward to going to a funeral this weekend), the fraudulence (and unfortunately, flatulence) effect, time/space continuum dissonance effect (I've somehow become a "3rd shift" worker, starting my best writing at midnight and going until 5 am), and last but not least the paranoia effect (I'm afraid my grandmother is going to die -really not a strong change of it, either -before I get this damn thing done and it'll totally derail me).

Whew.  Thanks for the release.

Oh, and dreaming.  How many are having wacky dreams?  I'll start another thread so as not to hijack this one.

[tamiam]

Thanks everybody, once again. I'm high, that was indeed brilliant.

My advisor has an overload of research, so up to this point I've not had to think up anything to do for myself, except for class papers. If he can come up with something for me to do that will become a diss, that will be great - or not. Aren't I supposed to be thinking up topics myself?

But will my overloaded advisor/mentor/buddy be quite so interested in mentoring me if I come up with something that doesn't get work off his own plate? Would he even be able to advise me?

So I guess I see why I'm in a bit of a quagmire here - I've had no opportunity to be creative lately, but I feel that I should be dreaming up topics at this point, but I'm afraid that if I come up with something novel my advisor will feel like I'm leaving him in the lurch. Not that he's manipulative or demanding - he's a great guy and I really enjoy my role as his backup. Plus, he'll hook me up BIG TIME with consulting work when I get done.

Ugh. See what happens when I get out from under the pile of work??? I poke my head up, look around, and get depressed.

I think a little retail therapy might be in order. I need new pants to fit over my newly expanded grad-school rump.

[untenured]

Yup, this happens to all of us at one time or another, Tam.  I go through cycles of productivity and non-productivity.  There are times when I am working on research constantly and the ideas are bubbling up quicker than I can address them.  There are other times when I don't feel like doing anything research-related and blame myself for doing so.

During those times, the best thing one can do is accept if possible that you are in a non-productive state.  Relax and do something non-academic related.  While you are doing so, your brain will be recycling and refreshing.  When it's ready to peform again, your brain will tell you by percolating new ideas.

For me, when I think of my research topic, I watch my brain.  If my brain responds with a stress signal and I find myself taking one of those worry-filled deep breaths, I'm not ready to work.  If I my brain starts popping out ideas or responds with enthusiasm, then I know my brain is ready to go.  When you do work, divide the project in small tasks.  Focus on the small tasks and the project will not seem overwhelming.

It's perfectly ok not to be super productive all the time.  That's especially true for untenured folks like us, Tam.

Untenured

[brunhilde]

The overwhelming crushing feeling (like a pachyderm on your head) that occurs when you realize exactly how much work you still have to accomplish before you can start writing/finish writing.

This is where I am now. I have two weeks until the final draft is due to my committee. I have no clue how I am going to get everything done. If you see me posting here a lot, please make me stop.