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[joey_fan]

I'm devising a taxonomy of rejection letter genres. So far (from my experience), I've come up with these categories:

• Postcard or Mass Email - "Your application to Snooty U. is no longer active."
• It's Not You, It's Us - "You really truly are special and a unique and valued human being, but we really had an astounding array of highly qualified applicants and..."
• You All Suck - "We had a kazillion applicants. None were suitable. We closed the search."
• Baby Announcement - "We don't want you. But let us tell you all about the Chosen Person..."
• Weirdness - "We had a bajillion applicants. None were suitable. But you were great. Re-apply next year."
• Dear John (Jane) Break-Up Letter (after campus visit): "It was great getting to know you better and let's stay friends..." (followed by handwritten note by the SCC)

Any others?

[trabb]

Here are two from my experience:

• The Black Hole Rejection - apparently the sheer density of Important Academic Minds all located in such a small area prevents rejections ever from leaving the desk of the search committee chair
• Don't Shoot the Messenger - "The search committee has asked me to inform you that you are no longer under consideration."

[inquiring_mind]

The pleasure is ours: We want to thank you for giving us the opportunity to review your incredibly interesting materials that you put together to apply to our job, which we won't be considering you for anymore.

[draco]

• Postcard or Mass Email - "Your application to Snooty U. is no longer active."

Sub-genre:  Mass Email w/out blind addresses - At least you get partners in misery.

[sixstrings]

Science Fiction: "We hope you will consider applying to StateU in the future."

[goldenapple]

• Switcheroo Our search committee has now reviewed all applications for the advertised position specializing in An Area of Specialization Never Mentioned in the Job Posting at Orbiting in Space University. Unfortunately, your specialization  does not match our position requirements.
  
  (Seriously, I got one of these and did a double take. "What, I applied for a position specializing in lunar geology? I don't do lunar geology. Did I send an application to the wrong department? Did I misread the ad? Went back, re-read the ad. Didn't mention lunar geology at all.)

[undisciplined]

No Social Skills: "The SC has formulated its short list and I am sorry to report that you are not on it." (verbatim quote)

[postmodern]

I don't have any to add, but this posting is sure funny.

[london1]

Ooops!  There's no $ for this Position - We know we put you (and others) through phone interviews, campus interviews, checked all your references, but now it appears that we do not have the $ for this position after-all.  We welcome you to apply again next year.[/list]

[onlyanne]

We're so screwed up we're canceling the search this year but we're keeping your stuff on file in case you're desperate enough next year

[vandoesborgh]

My favorite is: The we didn't even bother to look at your materials and obviously don't care who you are letter: Its variants include letters addressed to me as Dear Ms. avdunkle, Dear Mr. avdobreg, Dear Dr. A. Smith

By the way, do any of you keep all of your rejection letters?  When I finally land a job I want to have it as a trophy of my hard work.  But I think it will come in handy when I get on a SC and create the ultimate rejection letter that will defy any genre!  I'll trademark it and make millions on the royalties.

"Arne's Quick and Dirty Rejection Letters for the Academically Minded"

[dark_globe]

Insult on top of Injury: "When you filed your application, you neglected to fill out the affirmative action questionaire. Please fill out the enclosed card and return it so we may enter the data into our records."

[smurfette]

Great thread!

[not_a_gradstudent1]

• Weirdness - "We had a bajillion applicants. None were suitable. But you were great. Re-apply next year."

I got a variation on this theme recently - here's a paraphrase:
"Thank you for sending us your very impressive application. We received many impressive applications from many qualified individuals. Upon closer inspection, however, our needs did not match anyone's qualifications. We did not hire at this time."

[onlyanne]

By the way, do any of you keep all of your rejection letters?  When I finally land a job I want to have it as a trophy of my hard work. 

I am completely serious about making a pinata out of mine.  The thought keeps me sane.  (Sort of.)