case_insensitive
Indefatigable Maverick Giver of Gold Stars and Ever-So Slightly
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 12,342
Life is an endurance race. Pace yourself.
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« Reply #90 on: January 12, 2007, 06:12:23 PM » |
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I always duct tape my CV to a small rodent
Duct tape? I always thought it was duck tape! It's both. The story I heard is that this stuff was originally developed during WWII as a waterproof tape for military applications. Because when the stuff was used the water ran off of it like water running off a ducks back, the name Duck Tape took. Later, folks found that the stuff could be used for all types of applications, like sealing duct work in heating and cooling applications. In of the great ironies of our time, Duct tape is now regarded as one of the worst things to use to seal duct work (it dries out and falls apart). It IS excellent for attaching CVs to small rodents, trust me. This has been covered in detail in another thread. *stern look* Use the search and stop highjacking an important thread for such frivolousness... |
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Director of the CHE MYOB Professional Development Program,
An initiative of the CHE STFU Center for Professional Development.
Chairperson of the GAB CPE Series.
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prof_mom
Snarktastic
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 3,931
Mackerel smacking champion
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« Reply #91 on: January 12, 2007, 08:01:05 PM » |
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I can, however, guarantee that my application materials make the best paper airplanes. Even without the duct tape.
I really hope I get some paper airplane materials this year. That would be so cool. Why don't any of the fun people apply for our job? i guess techno geeks just don't feel the need to go the extra mile. |
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*!* is contagious, but appropriate hu use can protect you (see http://www.hupronoun.org/). My God. Take your pom poms elsewhere unless you have something substantive to say. |
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trystero49
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« Reply #92 on: January 13, 2007, 01:07:37 AM » |
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My letter of application is sent anonymously, and written for the position I think the SC should be filling. I find a spray of Calvin Klein’s Obsession to work wonders.
I always duct tape my CV to a small rodent (not a mouse, but something exotic like a kangaroo rat or naked mole rat). If you're lucky, the critter will have not chewed any of the important parts of the document during transit and the SC will get a new pet for their collection.
I wish people would remember that there are people of all academic disciplines reading here, and that they should always specify when their advice is discipline-specific! For example, everyone knows that using mammals as CV carriers is a purely hard-science tendency. Humanities search committees much prefer reptiles ---- usually gila monsters for Spanish and the other modern languages (but serpents for English jobs), turtles (or tortises) for history, baby crocodiles for religious studies, and of course komodo dragons for philosophy --- I hear that's why it's so tough for philosophy majors to land jobs. Social sciences, naturally, would use a duck-billed platypus if their profession combines elements of humanistic and scientific research. Me, I wanted to stand out from the applicant crowd, so I bred and trained a hive of honeybees to spell out the contents of my CV for the search committee instead of their honey-gathering dance. |
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aandsdean
I feel affirmed that I'm truly a 6,000+ post
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 6,412
Positively impactful on stakeholder synergies
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« Reply #93 on: January 13, 2007, 10:09:18 AM » |
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I am in English, trystero, and though I'm now an administrator I've always used the tattooed cow mentioned above.
I guess there are exceptions to every rule.
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Wearing a black armband for Lucy
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trystero49
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« Reply #94 on: January 13, 2007, 06:18:41 PM » |
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I am in English, trystero, and though I'm now an administrator I've always used the tattooed cow mentioned above.
I guess there are exceptions to every rule.
Maybe it's an R1 / teaching school difference? |
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aandsdean
I feel affirmed that I'm truly a 6,000+ post
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 6,412
Positively impactful on stakeholder synergies
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« Reply #95 on: January 13, 2007, 06:49:56 PM » |
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Perhaps. This may explain my career trajectory.
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Wearing a black armband for Lucy
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minor_t
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« Reply #96 on: January 13, 2007, 07:16:10 PM » |
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Amateurs, all of you.
As a member of many search committees over the years, I can state with absolute confidence that the best way to submit CVs is attached to $20 bills, as many as the staples will hold. (Green staples are the best because they're the same color as money, but black are also acceptable. No red staples, dammit, they're too lefty. And yellow?! For crying out loud, yellow staples are the worst.) Attaching the CV to mammals or reptiles is optional in my field but may work in your favor if the animal is trained.
And it's $20, mind you, not $5 which is too chintzy, or $100 which is above the level that the dean will let us accept. $20 just like the ATMs, which should make it easy for you.
And don't be fooling with pheromones and scents. We're not crazy - we always handle the CVs with latex gloves and face masks.
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basilratbane
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« Reply #97 on: January 14, 2007, 08:16:01 PM » |
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OK, I admit it, now that this thread is slowing down.
When I apply to a place where I really don't want to work (most places, actually), I hold my nose first, and then I poop on my application materials.
Then I seal the envelope, wearing gloves all the time, and mail it somewhere where I am not known.
Cackle.
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brunhilde
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« Reply #98 on: January 14, 2007, 09:59:26 PM » |
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Hmm... Now I'm worried I've been sending in my applications incorrectly. I have been printing my application on blue paper, folding it in a triangle, and having it delivered stapled on to a rhinoceros. Is this not correct?
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Rebuke a wise man and he will love thee.
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fiona
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« Reply #99 on: January 14, 2007, 10:06:03 PM » |
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No, you have erred completely. It is time to cast yourself into utter darkness. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Hmm... Now I'm worried I've been sending in my applications incorrectly. I have been printing my application on blue paper, folding it in a triangle, and having it delivered stapled on to a rhinoceros. Is this not correct?
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The Fiona or perhaps La Fiona
Professor of Thread Killing, Fiork University
The Right Reverend Fiona, PhD, Bishop of the Fora
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zoelouise
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« Reply #100 on: January 15, 2007, 09:54:22 AM » |
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Tattooed cow?
I hope you got that cleared by the IACUC...
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You ain't a beauty but hey you're alright
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fiona
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« Reply #101 on: January 15, 2007, 02:34:38 PM » |
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What is IACUC? Is it a rodeo organization? Tattooed cow?
I hope you got that cleared by the IACUC...
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The Fiona or perhaps La Fiona
Professor of Thread Killing, Fiork University
The Right Reverend Fiona, PhD, Bishop of the Fora
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sirkdn
Darkside
Senior member
Posts: 389
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« Reply #102 on: January 15, 2007, 04:22:45 PM » |
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IACUC = International Association of Cvs Using Cows...
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onlyanne
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« Reply #103 on: January 15, 2007, 04:55:14 PM » |
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Institutional Animal Care and Use Committee.
They're the people who give you permission to tattoo your cows. Or train your rodents in interpretive dance.
Depending on your pleasure.
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mrhistory
Senior member
Posts: 728
the hardest working man in the humanities
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« Reply #104 on: January 15, 2007, 04:58:11 PM » |
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I've decided to come out against stapling.
I've found some lovely *gold plated* (yes!) paperclips today at Staples. I think this will show a SC just how much I value them, their potential job for me and that I'm willing to shell out that extra two bucks.
But, that's just me---always willing to go that extra superficial mile for a job!
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"Horton hears a hu!"
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