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[prof_mom]

I can't be bothered to read this whole thread. My time is too precious for the likes of you.

I always hand-deliver my applications.

Naked, except for my long red hair.

Sometimes it works.

The Fiona

And a tiara. Of course, you would wear a tiara to hand deliver an application.

If you are naked, you definitely do NOT want staples.

[anthroid]

I can't be bothered to read this whole thread. My time is too precious for the likes of you.

I always hand-deliver my applications.

Naked, except for my long red hair.

Sometimes it works.

The Fiona

And a tiara. Of course, you would wear a tiara to hand deliver an application.

If you are naked, you definitely do NOT want staples.

Or superglue.  I speak from experience.

[dr_evil]

<The fun I missed by being away from the computer today.  I love this thread.>

Don't forget to NOT include your plans for lab/office space domination. You will be competing with members of the search committee and you don't want them wise to your plotting before your arrival.  If you are foolish enough to even think about including any plans for world domination, you do not deserve the job.

And include each page of your CV in protective plastic sleeves (transparent, of course) to avoid dangerous paper cuts.

[biologist_]

When an electronic application is requested, should I send one pdf or separate pdf's for CV, letter, research statement, etc?

Oops, that almost sounds like a serious question.  Better to start a new thread.

Should I insert a small image of a staple or paperclip in the upper left corner before converting to pdf? 
On the first page only or on each page?

[trabb]

Should I insert a small image of a staple or paperclip in the upper left corner before converting to pdf? 
On the first page only or on each page?

What a stupid question.  Obviously, on the first page, you want to insert a small image of the top of the staple.  On subsequent pages, you want a small image just of the bits of the staple that go through that page.  And of course on the back of the .pdf of the final page, you want the two little ends that get bent under.

I can't believe you'd even have to ask that.  I think all of this is covered in the Academic Job Seeker's Handbook - or at least on the wiki.

[englitprof]

Taking a cue from CBL's suggestion for dog toys, from now on I will send all my application materials stuffed into a Twist n' Treat, which will release my tasty morsels as the SC plays with the toy:

http://www.busybuddytoys.com/category.cfm?Category=1

[doctormommy]

I've written all my cover letters in genetic code. If the job is worth my time then the search committee will be able to translate the code into the appropriate one-letter amino acid symbols to read its contents. I think they'll be impressed with my creativity and with my ability to write well without using the letters O, R, B, J, U, or Z.
-atg gcc cct cat gac

[mrhistory]

I like to be noticed but I also like to be professional at all times!
I do print the c.v. on "my little pony" stationery but I use standard staples (not the pink ones, they aren't masculine enough for me!). Now, for the cover letter, I prefer a bit of contrast: "hello kitty" paper but not in the strong colors but the ghostly printed border of "hello kitty"

I wish they made paper with "hello kitty" riding "my little pony" 'cause that would be really neat.

I do, although others say they do not, list "Klingon" under languages. Why not? I'm fluent!

[tin_cup_chalice]

I used to worry about whether to staple or paper clip until I received this bit of inspiration from an invitation I received in the mail.

tin_cup_chalice
and his entourage
invite you to join them
for an interview of epic proportions
on Wednesday, the twenty fourth of January
two thousand and seven
at eight o'clock in the morning
at
Really Great R-1 University
College Town, Cool State

Now, my application is only a single page.  I conveniently print my entire CV on the back in Arial Narrow size 2 font without spaces so it will fit.  Plus, I think that search committees will truly appreciate a job seeker who can take charge.

[doctormommy]

I've written all my cover letters in genetic code. If the job is worth my time then the search committee will be able to translate the code into the appropriate one-letter amino acid symbols to read its contents. I think they'll be impressed with my creativity and with my ability to write well without using the letters O, R, B, J, U, or Z.
-atg gcc cct cat gac

Oh CRAP! I'm so embarassed. There IS an R. There's no X. No job for me!

[nailman]

When an electronic application is requested, should I send one pdf or separate pdf's for CV, letter, research statement, etc?

OK, believe it or not, several sets of application instructions for jobs I applied for insisted that these all be combined in a single PDF file. And they insisted that my reference letters be sent electronically as PDFs as well. Talk about picky.

But I didn't imbed images of staples, if that's what you're asking.

[histgeek]

I send multiple copies of all my materials -- uncollated -- along with a box of staples.  They are on their own to find a stapler.  But I do include a loaded gun.

[trabb]

OK, believe it or not, several sets of application instructions for jobs I applied for insisted that these all be combined in a single PDF file. And they insisted that my reference letters be sent electronically as PDFs as well. Talk about picky.

But I didn't imbed images of staples, if that's what you're asking.

Well I guess we know where you won't be working!  Hahaha!  I hope those were the same jobs to which I applied that required one single PDF file, because I DID embed images of staples (see my post above describing how this should look).  Good to know my competition's shooting husself in the foot!

(just kidding in case that isn't perfectly obvious)

[prytania3]

A simple and elegant way is to fold the CV diagonally down about 1/3 of the way and affix it with sealing wax. Use a color like red with gold sparkles. Then get a stamp that says something like "Pick me" or just "me, me."

Don't listen to these other people. They are just trying to mess with you. Really this is the way everyone who gets a job actually does it.

[zoelouise]

You guys are so funny! And so clever!

After the first 20 replies or so, I didn't think it could get any funnier- but then it did!