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[onlyanne]

I sew my CV pages together with three double-running stitches in the upper left corner using thread made from NMR guts.

[angel]

Honestly, I'm surprised no one has mentioned the old standby: a ribbon. Velvet works best, but silk will do. Jazz it up by sending along a scented candle to set the atmostphere while reading. This is, of course, preferred for female SC chairs.

For men, I use a hog's tooth.

If the name of the SC chair is unspecified and I can't be bothered to find out who it is, one word: bubblewrap. That way they can pop-n-play.

[prof_mom]

I  hope some of you apply for our job. It will make my sc duties much more interesting.

I love bubble wrap!

When you submit a patent application, you have to tape the back of the paper where the staples are so no one cuts hus fingers on staples in handling the paper. We  can take this further and put bubble wrap under duct tape on top of the many colored staples and then top it with a pretty velvet ribbon. Maybe the pretty ribbon could be tied to the mole rat,  but then the rat would not be exactly naked.

Can the rat be trained to do the interpretive dance?

[sirkdn]

For administrative jobs it is VERY important that there be some trace of blood (and maybe entrails) on the cover sheet... this point cannot be stressed enough.  I know aandsdean will agree with me on this.

[aandsdean]

I actually shave a cow, tattoo my cv on its side with leftover HP Inkjet ink and a sharpened paperclip (I do give the cow anaesthesia), and send it by horse trailer to the search committee.

[edwidge]

A hog's tooth??!! I would vote for the camouflage duct tape, and you might want to attach a teeny-tiny American flag sticker while you're at it. Artful, patriotic, sufficiently secured, yet classy.

[nailman]

I actually shave a cow, tattoo my cv on its side with leftover HP Inkjet ink and a sharpened paperclip (I do give the cow anaesthesia), and send it by horse trailer to the search committee.

But what color staples do you use to attach the cow to the cover letter?

[voxprincipalis]

You all make me so proud. My work here is done.

*sniff*

VP

[grasshopper]

My heart overfloweth with love.

love
love
love

[astro_geek]

If I don't have a stapler handy, is corner-gami acceptable?

[aandsdean]

I actually shave a cow, tattoo my cv on its side with leftover HP Inkjet ink and a sharpened paperclip (I do give the cow anaesthesia), and send it by horse trailer to the search committee.

But what color staples do you use to attach the cow to the cover letter?

I don't, silly, I shoot my cover letter into the side of the horse trailer with an accurate small-caliber rifle.

[trabb]

I actually shave a cow, tattoo my cv on its side with leftover HP Inkjet ink and a sharpened paperclip (I do give the cow anaesthesia), and send it by horse trailer to the search committee.

But what color staples do you use to attach the cow to the cover letter?

I don't, silly, I shoot my cover letter into the side of the horse trailer with an accurate small-caliber rifle.

Gosh, such violence.  I prefer to print off each section on its own page and fold them into a flock of origami swans.  Unfortunately, the publications swan seems to be the baby of the bunch.

[aandsdean]

I actually shave a cow, tattoo my cv on its side with leftover HP Inkjet ink and a sharpened paperclip (I do give the cow anaesthesia), and send it by horse trailer to the search committee.

But what color staples do you use to attach the cow to the cover letter?

I don't, silly, I shoot my cover letter into the side of the horse trailer with an accurate small-caliber rifle.

Gosh, such violence.  I prefer to print off each section on its own page and fold them into a flock of origami swans.  Unfortunately, the publications swan seems to be the baby of the bunch.

They teach you this stuff in administrator bootcamp.  I too used to fold swans....

[sirkdn]

Best if you put the swans into an old tennis ball can along with a compressed spring.  When the can is opened, the pretty swans are blown all over the room, spreading your evident academic skills far and wide...  (our provost got his job this way, back when he started out)

[science_expat]

Best if you put the swans into an old tennis ball can along with a compressed spring.  When the can is opened, the pretty swans are blown all over the room, spreading your evident academic skills far and wide...  (our provost got his job this way, back when he started out)

What a brilliant idea!