flyguy
I can't believe they let me be a
Senior member
Posts: 548
Proving once again quantity rules over quality
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« Reply #30 on: January 10, 2007, 05:14:16 PM » |
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I just saw this ad. Sucks about the duct tape (probably a suggestion by a Dean). Sign...
“Applicants should send a letter of application, an updated CV, statement of research interests, and three letters of recommendation to the address below. The CV must be stapled together with the staple positioned exactly 3.5 mm from the top edge and 6.5 mm from the side, orientated with the leading edge pointing toward the setting sun. The staple should be made of zinc or zinc-alloy, although note zirconium is not acceptable. The staple may be coated with a polymer that confers a color, but keep your choice to one the shades found on our school seal. Also, because of the real and frequent occurrence of injury due to staples puncturing flesh, please coat the back of the staple with six coats of shellac. CVs with five coats will be returned for recoating. In lieu of a staple, individual CV pages may be sent via individual bicycle messengers. Other documents should be jammed into a used, soiled envelope and then sent without haste to the address below. We require that references send their letters using the staple instructions listed above, although in this case zirconium is acceptable. Finally, at no time should duct tape be used on any documents.”
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"I don't accessorize. I'm Howard Moon. There's a simple truth to me." Howard Moon
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sirkdn
Darkside
Senior member
Posts: 389
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« Reply #31 on: January 10, 2007, 05:19:00 PM » |
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note: for Presidential jobs you must drip a few drops of NMR blood on the cover letter, attach the letter to a mackrel and then hire an Indigo to smack the Board Chair with the mackrel (before depositing it in the admin asst's inbox) - who MUST self massage.
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« Last Edit: January 10, 2007, 05:19:29 PM by sirkdn »
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anon99
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« Reply #32 on: January 10, 2007, 05:23:51 PM » |
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I prefer non-waterproof glue. First coat the pages with glue and scrunch them up to form a sculpture. Coat the scuplture with glue before putting them in the envelop. Otherwise it may accidentally fall out of the envelop. As added insurance duct tape the envelop closed and send a racing pigeon with the application. The racing pigeon will be returned to you once the SC has received your application. WARNING do not get any glue on the pigeon.
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trabb
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« Reply #33 on: January 10, 2007, 05:25:19 PM » |
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When I am on a search committee, I think I will take the approach of the Car Talk Guys:
"Applicants should tape their CVs to the back of a 60" plasma screen TV and mail to....."
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aandsdean
I feel affirmed that I'm truly a 6,000+ post
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 6,396
Positively impactful on stakeholder synergies
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« Reply #34 on: January 10, 2007, 05:27:25 PM » |
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I prefer non-waterproof glue. First coat the pages with glue and scrunch them up to form a sculpture. Coat the scuplture with glue before putting them in the envelop. Otherwise it may accidentally fall out of the envelop. As added insurance duct tape the envelop closed and send a racing pigeon with the application. The racing pigeon will be returned to you once the SC has received your application. WARNING do not get any glue on the pigeon.
If you use waterproof glue, of course, the SC can't get your materials separated when they put the files in the sauna, and you will surely be passed over for applicants who are better able to follow directions. |
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« Last Edit: January 10, 2007, 05:27:48 PM by aandsdean »
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Wearing a black armband for Lucy
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fiona
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« Reply #35 on: January 10, 2007, 05:45:33 PM » |
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I can't be bothered to read this whole thread. My time is too precious for the likes of you.
I always hand-deliver my applications.
Naked, except for my long red hair.
Sometimes it works.
The Fiona
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The Fiona or perhaps La Fiona
Professor of Thread Killing, Fiork University
The Right Reverend Fiona, PhD, Bishop of the Fora
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trabb
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« Reply #36 on: January 10, 2007, 05:46:22 PM » |
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I can't be bothered to read this whole thread. My time is too precious for the likes of you.
I always hand-deliver my applications.
Naked, except for my long red hair.
Sometimes it works.
The Fiona
It probably only works when you don't staple the CV you delivered. |
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angel
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« Reply #37 on: January 10, 2007, 05:55:10 PM » |
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I wonder, what about going all-out with a theme? Inspired by a lot of ideas above:
Say you're a SC member. You're sitting in your office all mopey, and in comes a bicycle messenger dressed as a pirate (I'm a historian, so this is a shout-out to my profession). He delivers...a treasure chest!
Inside you find my coverletter message-in-a-bottle style (produced by a renowned Swiss glassblower). Each page of my cv shaped into Spanish galleons. Teaching philosophy as necklace. Writing sample as chalice. Syllabi belt buckles, and so forth. All enclosed with a bottle of rum.
Optional deserted-island accoutrements: sand, parrot, palmtree, and umbrella for the SC to sit under.
Okay, I've always had a pirate-thing.
But what do you think? Over-the-top?
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science_expat
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« Reply #38 on: January 10, 2007, 05:56:58 PM » |
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Welcome, angel.
No, not to OTT in history, IMHO.
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Professor of Something Scarily Scientific Sounding
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voxprincipalis
Foxaliciously Cinnamon-Scented (and Most Poetic)
Member-Moderator
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 16,391
Has potentially infinite removable wallets
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« Reply #39 on: January 10, 2007, 06:14:33 PM » |
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Since I am in music, I sing my CV into a microphone and send an mp3 of it.
Alternately, I compose it using only the letters A through G and write it out on a musical staff.
There is a movement afoot in the profession to send music videos instead, but I really think that's selling out. Besides, I can't afford to hire a bunch of scantily-clad women to drool over me while I lip-synch.
VP
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anon99
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« Reply #40 on: January 10, 2007, 06:15:47 PM » |
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Optional deserted-island accoutrements: sand, parrot, palmtree, and umbrella for the SC to sit under.
But what do you think? Over-the-top?
Make sure the parrot is well behaved. you could also include a round trip, first class ticket to a desert island. |
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flyguy
I can't believe they let me be a
Senior member
Posts: 548
Proving once again quantity rules over quality
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« Reply #41 on: January 10, 2007, 06:21:53 PM » |
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Optional deserted-island accoutrements: sand, parrot, palmtree, and umbrella for the SC to sit under.
But what do you think? Over-the-top?
Make sure the parrot is well behaved. you could also include a round trip, first class ticket to a desert island. Parrots are for lightweights. Go for the Ostrich. Arrrrrrrr.... |
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"I don't accessorize. I'm Howard Moon. There's a simple truth to me." Howard Moon
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science_expat
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« Reply #42 on: January 10, 2007, 06:24:19 PM » |
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Just to be safe - and complete the theme - I'd include a bottle of very good rum.
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Professor of Something Scarily Scientific Sounding
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francie_
The Really Cheerful
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 3,815
The Voice of Reason
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« Reply #43 on: January 10, 2007, 07:25:59 PM » |
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In lieu of a portfolio of artwork, I think I will send my next application with instructions on how to turn it into an art piece. I will instruct the SC to scatter the papers about on the floor, pick them back up at random, turn each piece counter-clockwise, and finally cut them to create organic shapes. The paper that happens to be on top will then suffice as my cover letter. I'll call this act a performance piece.
See, I wouldn't need to worry about staples at all. They'd be so impressed with me.
I heart, heart, heart this idea! I wonder, what about going all-out with a theme? Inspired by a lot of ideas above:
Say you're a SC member. You're sitting in your office all mopey, and in comes a bicycle messenger dressed as a pirate (I'm a historian, so this is a shout-out to my profession). He delivers...a treasure chest!
Inside you find my coverletter message-in-a-bottle style (produced by a renowned Swiss glassblower). Each page of my cv shaped into Spanish galleons. Teaching philosophy as necklace. Writing sample as chalice. Syllabi belt buckles, and so forth. All enclosed with a bottle of rum.
Optional deserted-island accoutrements: sand, parrot, palmtree, and umbrella for the SC to sit under.
Okay, I've always had a pirate-thing.
But what do you think? Over-the-top?
Over the top? Absolutely not! I'm quite sure that's how the Dread Pirate Trent Sands (see "Forum Death Match" thread) got his job. |
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Oh realfrancie, so clever!
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anthroid
Proud yod dropper
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 15,781
No happy socks because nobody gets Manitoba.
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« Reply #44 on: January 10, 2007, 07:31:28 PM » |
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I have two words for the OP:
Super. Glue.
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Do you hail from Planet Hello Kitty? It's like an action movie, but boring.
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