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[marlopal]

I last wrote 3 weeks ago about a co-worker who took my innocent comment the wrong way somehow and thought it was very inappropriate. So much that she is now too busy to talk, supposedly. I even apologized and that did not help any. She said not to worry about it, and says she is not offended or mad. She just does "not have time for small talk."  Well, I never considered my life as small talk anyway. So I will stay away, but how long is long enough?? I dont bother people who are not interested. I respect people's privacy.
But I have a somwhat isolated life as an academic without many people I feel comfortable talking to and she is one, even if it is just chat. I have no one else to chat with at work, really, mainly because there is no time for that. Sadly, I have vague feelings for her I cannot shake.
We have been talking for many years like this. Something like this happened over 2 years ago and she got over it eventually. So I will wait and see. Was she looking for this excuse to back away?

[marlopal]

See my post from Nov. 7

thanks.

[prytania3]

Maybe she feels the same about you but doesn't want to fan the fire, as it were.

[anon4now]

Dear Marlopal,
I am not even sure your posts are real, but if they are, you are in need of some serious education.  I am going to try to tell your story as one might imagine it told from the other person's view.

Golly, I ike my job as an administrative assistant for the local university's X department; I;ve been there for years and generally things are ok. True, there is the annoying Professor Marlopal, who constantly drops by my desk where I can't escape and drones on about his life, sheeeesh, but I mainly feel sorry for him, and he is basically a nice guy, and it doesn't hurtme to be nice and overlook this annoyance. On the other hand, about 2 years ago, it got really weird--he made very personal comments to me, and even though i explained I AM MARRIED, OK????? in the nicest way possible, he still did not get it.  I HAVE to be nice to him--it is my job---but dangit, I don't have to put up with harrassment. I thought that my being so very definite that time would have given him a CLUE, but no, he's back again with the inappropriate remarks. Geeez, what do I have to do, swear out a warrant against him? Yes, fine, I am nice, but I am losing my patience. I am stuck here t this desk dealing with professors all day long, and this guy takes advantage of it to moon around and imply that we are something more than co-workers( boy I wish I had been able to get that transfer--just getting out of this situation would have been worth the pay cut). I ahve just about had it this time. I have made it abundantly clear TWICE now, and a numebr of times more subtly, that I AM NOT INTERESTED--but this doofus will not get the hint. I don't want to cause trouble for him and accuse him with my chair, but I am about to have to. I don't want to file charges but it is getting to that point. I have no time or patience for this nonsense. What can I do to get him to understand that POLITE CIVIL WORKING RELATIONS are all I want and that he needs to leave me alone and quit harrasssing me?  It's getting so I dread going in to work, knowing I'll have to deal with him.

Got it, Marlopal?  Knock it off. Leave the poor woman alone. Develop an appropriate social life that does not involve harrassing the staff.

[expatinuk]

Funny... I read that the OP was female. I just can't visualize a male obsessing over something as small as a misinterpreted remark.

[anon4now]

Either way, male of female, when someone gives unwanted personal attentions to another person in the workplace, YUCK.

[anthroid]

I think OP is a male, since in his previous thread he mentioned having a crush on this woman:

http://chronicle.com/forums/index.php/topic,30672.msg414378.html#msg414378

marlopal, leave her alone.  Now.  If you were my faculty member, I'd be sending you off for mandatory counseling.  Your behavior is becoming harassment, and you could be sued.  I certainly would not be willing to defend you.  I am sorry to be so harsh but your behavior is unacceptable.

Leave her alone.  Forever.

[phlebas2006]

OP, lest you think that the other posters are just being mean, let me chime in as well.  Leave her alone. Seriously.  Once and for all. Not for a week, not until she seems more receptive, not until you think it's been long enough.  For good.

This is the Catch-22.  If you didn't know enough to leave her alone before posting your question here, you probably won't take our advice.

BTW, your concern shouldn't be about starting/salvaging/resurrecting your perceived relationship with her. Your concern should be for your job, defending against the potential lawsuit, ever working in academia again, etc.

[grumpy]

OP, lest you think that the other posters are just being mean, let me chime in as well.  Leave her alone. Seriously.  Once and for all. Not for a week, not until she seems more receptive, not until you think it's been long enough.  For good.
 against the potential lawsuit, ever working in academia again, etc.

+1

You think that after 3 weeks, your pseudo-advances towards a married woman will just be forgotten and she'll be eager to chit-chat?

If I was her I'd have tasered your ass by now - back off and stop being a lech.  Seriously. 

[busyslinky]

Actually, you need to get her attention again...you need to do something that all women like.

(1) Get a banjo and play the banjo for her and sing in a very high-toned voice.  (2) Women love pig latin, speak it to her every chance you get.

If you do those two things, she'll be putty in your hands.

(sorry to The Office for my plagiarized ideas)