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[canyonwren3]

Go Merino!  Strange how sites vary depending on location.  OKC was really a bit too wild-west for my demographic for this mid-size city in shadow of big city.  But another forumite IMd me and told me that OKC was good for the 20-30ish group.  I've heard POF is pretty decent for this area, just haven't ventured there, and am contemplating pulling the Match plug.  But, of course that is when something interesting appears.

Interesting semi-retired lefty/prof guy from nearby big city who who seemed to have faded after spritely and somewhat obscure but flirty email exchanges wrote yesterday from internet cafe in Argentina - he travels there on business/volunteer work and has been on a vacation.  (this fits with his profile and I don't think it is hiding a secret parallel life, but who knows?).  Compared to Eager Local Guy, this fellow doesn't seem to have the crazed instant relationship timetable going, and not unduly alarmed by my work.  The age difference, well - there's a difference between retired and checking out, and retired and being fully engaged in life.  And if that full engagement means that his brain is really turned on to some task or mission in life (beyond golf and motorcycles), and my job isn't the enemy, well then age per se isn't a dealbreaker.  A lefty do-gooder activist might be crazy attractive, worth checking out further.

Pry, have fun extreme bowling (um, compare and contrast w/regular bowling?).  Yes to trying out Meetups.  I'm forcing myself to go to Contra tonight, flying solo (not a Meetup).  The Meetup I joined a few weeks ago is too sedentary for me and I'm checking out some others.  Sadly probably the best in the area for maniac hiking is frequented by Engineer Dad, but maybe I'll show up anyway.  Finally meet him in person that way.

Cwren

[prytania3]

I joined a bunch of meetups. This particular one is called the Bucket List Bunch. They do fun things;although, they did sponsor the Valentine's Day party I went to last week. I also joined a hikers one and a singles one.

In a couple of weeks I'm going to play whirly ball, which is like jai alai from a bumper car. I missed the ski trip as I have another Saturdy commitment.

I had to start a folder for all the meetup events. Meanwhile, I have been neglecting Match and Ourtime despite incoming mail.

[canyonwren3]

Pry, it sounds like you are having a bunch more fun than just waiting around on Mr. Grumpy loveblender Hedgepig.  It would really surprise me if you didn't land up meeting some interesting potential dates in your Meetups, but even if you don't, so what?  Eager Local Guy made me realize that I don't want to wait around for Mr. Wonderful to have fun and try out new things, and I'm moving ahead with signing up for things and showing up.  And who knows? Maybe Meetups will be the deathknell of Match and Ourtime. 

Canyonwren

[prytania3]

My friend turned me on to the meetups, and she's gotten about a gazillion dates; then again, she looks like a model. But I figure I can have fun and see Hedgepig when I see him. I don't have to be committed to anyone at this particular time.

I still do love Hedgepig, but he's got a rough road ahead of him.

[cgfunmathguy]

So, I have a new prospect. When I got out of the hospital a year ago, I started going to church again (after a seven-year hiatus) and joined a small group. In the small group, one of the women has a sister who is divorced, has a couple of kids (I think it's two, but that doesn't matter), and goes to a different church. This sister has come to small group a couple of times, and I've enjoyed talking to her each time. After her last attendance a month ago, she emailed me, and we've been passing emails back-and-forth slowly. She's showing up to small group again tomorrow night, and I hope we get a chance to talk for awhile. I think I might ask her out for next week if all goes well tomorrow.

In other news, the Waitress and I have been communicating and talking about dating again. Here's hoping things go well.

[merce]

Good for you mathguy!
It seems like the Waitress has been around for a while.
Are you frustrated by the off and on or is it a nice, low-key process of getting to know eachother?
And I think this sister with children sounds so promising. Of course, umm, I bet she thinks how many children she has is important. You better find out.

Monsieur has been very good to me (in his way) this week. He took me out to my favorite restaurant and gave me a sweet Valentine's card and today we went out in the sun for some exercise.
Then he started going through my cheez-a-licious "Our Couple" journal questions and was into it.
Now that is ridiculously adorable. He really has surprised me this week.
He isn't a lovey-dovey romantic type and I know I need more from a partner than he seems to be used to giving.
We're going to get together again tonight.
I may suggest getting a drink. I haven't been out for a drink in ages.
It was a rough week professionally.

[cgfunmathguy]

Good for you mathguy!
It seems like the Waitress has been around for a while.
Are you frustrated by the off and on or is it a nice, low-key process of getting to know eachother?
And I think this sister with children sounds so promising. Of course, umm, I bet she thinks how many children she has is important. You better find out.

Thanks, Merce. I have been frustrated by the Waitress. Sometimes, it feels like we're making progress, and then things get different. For example, I found out two weeks ago that she has some significant health issues and has known about them for several months. We are (or at least, I thought we were) much more very good friends, but I've always felt like she wasn't being fully open with me. Now, I find out about this, and I'm floored. I care deeply for her, want to help her, and would gladly do the things necessary to help. Last Saturday, we sat and cuddled. I enjoyed it immensely, and I think she did, too. When I left (she had to go to work), it felt like the previous two hours hadn't happened. I'm confused.

I'm sure the sister thinks how many children she has is important. I'm just not letting the number of children (nor whether she has children in the first place) change my decision-making about whether to get involved with her.

Monsieur has been very good to me (in his way) this week. He took me out to my favorite restaurant and gave me a sweet Valentine's card and today we went out in the sun for some exercise.
Then he started going through my cheez-a-licious "Our Couple" journal questions and was into it.
Now that is ridiculously adorable. He really has surprised me this week.
He isn't a lovey-dovey romantic type and I know I need more from a partner than he seems to be used to giving.
We're going to get together again tonight.
I may suggest getting a drink. I haven't been out for a drink in ages.
It was a rough week professionally.

I'm glad that Monsieur has been good to you this week. Maybe he's finally figuring out that you're worth an effort that he's not used to making. I hope that is the case, but my previous advice about him will stand until this type of treatment becomes routine.

[spork]

[. . .]

 I care deeply for her, want to help her

[. . .]

This is nothing but trouble.

Church Lady sounds much better.

[prytania3]

[. . .]

 I care deeply for her, want to help her

[. . .]

This is nothing but trouble.

Church Lady sounds much better.

+1

So I went extreme bowling last night. Basically there are just a lot of colorful lights and lit up pins and music. It was fun--did not meet anyone romantically but met a lot of nice people. We went out to the Japanese hibachi-style restaurant afterward. I am no a big fan  of hibachi-style restaurants, but it was fun. I had salmon but found it way too fishy.

[canyonwren3]

Pry:  fun is good, hope the salmon didn't make you deathly ill.  I suspect repeat meeting up with a Meetup group might increase chances of running into someone dateable, assuming the attendees shift and it seems to have some momentum. 

I didn't make it out dancing last night, I confess: I am giving 3 different talks, on 3 different topics at a conference tomorrow and Tues.  So I've been cramming.  Did briefly tinker with profile and added another photo (not in pink sheath dress). 

Question:  what about relationship status "separated"?  Is that a dealbreaker?  Seems like if they are not divorced yet, and even worse, have kids under 18, that seems a bit premature.  It took me 3 years of staggering around post-split before I could do this.  Is it worth responding/writing?

Cwren

[merinoblue]

Canyonwren, is it a deal breaker to you?  I think that's all that matters. If you're looking for a committed relationship, probably yes.  If you're just looking for some short-term companionship, however, you define that, perhaps not.

I am still laughing at this:

Is this really a forum about dating?

Wow, what was your first clue?

I'm discovering that one of the feelings I have about crib guy's decision to see this other woman exclusively is resentment and jealousy, because he appears to have found some kind of incredible romantic potential with someone so quickly.  Whether it's true or not, and whether my narrative about him (he is eager for marriage and children, and she is too, so that's why this took place so quickly) is correct or not, my perception that he has found this exciting, wonderful connection full of "exclusive" potential has brought up strong feelings of jealousy.  I ask myself, "for goodness sakes: what on earth? You never wanted marriage and children; you've only recently become interested in a long-term committed relationship; and you're only just now open to meeting strangers for something."

I think one issue is that, as he's 39, I suspect he lots of opportunities remaining to find this kind of relationship; at 47, I'm feeling that I'm rather on the closing side of opportunities for a long-term relationship.  Maybe I'm just ready now for that kind of relationship, and never was before, so I'm jealous that he gets to experience it. (And who knows how long he was looking and trying before meeting this woman?)

Is this feeling familiar to anyone else?

[fiona]

[. . .]

 I care deeply for her, want to help her

[. . .]

This is nothing but trouble.

Church Lady sounds much better.

Yeah, best to involve yourself with someone as a companion, not as someone you want to rescue. That's a recipe for anger, dependency, and lots of other bad feelings.

The Fiona

[crumpet]

I've kind of given up on dating/relationships at the moment.

Tantric Dork is still vaguely in the picture. He's around some but not often...I keep putting off a full breakup because I'm tired.

If a serious love interest was airdropped in, I might give it a go though.

Now, where did I put that parachute?

Awesomeness.

[pink_]

Re: separated vs. divorced.

For me, it would be a red flag, but it would depend on the situation as to whether or not it was a dealbreaker. I live in a state where it is a legal requirement for a couple to be separated for a full year before the divorce can go through, so it might be possible that the separation is due to that legality and that the marriage is truly and completely over. It's also possible that the couple will decide to get back together and not get divorced after all, so it's something to find out more about before investing emotionally in the person.

[merce]

I would not get involved with someone who was only separated.
But, I'm too picky.
Hence my perpetual singledom.
Or my going too long being single and then giving in too easily.