marlopal
New member
Posts: 19
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« on: November 07, 2006, 01:23:49 PM » |
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Question. I have been casually talking to a secretary at work for many years,mostly small talk. She is married. She seems glad to see me and I really like her a lot. Absolutely nothing is going on here or will, I am sure. Is it appropriate to ask her when she plans to take a day off, just so I know in advance? I am a prof., not her supervisor, and I don't really need to know for work. I think she resents that I asked her. I try to be careful what I say and keep a polite distance. SHe is quite sensitive, so am I.
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zharkov
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« Reply #1 on: November 07, 2006, 01:40:25 PM » |
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OK, I'll bite...
Why did you ask her? You don't need to know for work. You are not planning a tryst. What's behind door number 3?
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__________ Zharkov's Razor: Adapting Zharkov a bit to this situation, ignorance and confusion can explain a lot.
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amlithist
How did I get to be a
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 3,725
This is just my day job.
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« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2006, 01:40:48 PM » |
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I'd probably resent it, not for any kind of quasi-romantic/related thing, but more as "it's none of your business/what's it to you?"
Why do you care? (I don't mean that to sound snarky--I'm just asking.)
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« Last Edit: November 07, 2006, 01:41:27 PM by amlithist »
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Hell is other people at breakfast.
--Jean Paul Sartre
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marlopal
New member
Posts: 19
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« Reply #3 on: November 07, 2006, 02:27:43 PM » |
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Why did I ask her? Because I have a crush and she knows it, I think. We have been talking for so many years, it seemed natural to me to ask. I miss her when she is not around But now she is brief with me and appears not to want to talk,as if it is not worth the bother. ("Too busy", yeah sure.) My sense is to back off for a while.
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adhoc
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« Reply #4 on: November 07, 2006, 02:33:55 PM » |
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My sense is to back off for a while. There you go. |
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aquamarine
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« Reply #5 on: November 07, 2006, 03:16:44 PM » |
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The subject line: what is appropriate at work? Hitting on a married woman--not appropriate. Not anywhere.
Listen to your sense--back off.
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phdiva628
Humble student (and Gixxer Owner 2B)
Junior member
Posts: 85
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« Reply #6 on: November 07, 2006, 03:22:53 PM » |
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It may be that an innocently (?) intended question was interpreted as a hope that she would go out with you. If she knows that you have a crush on her, the (perceived) attempt to get closer takes it from the realm of "mildly flattering and amusing" to "he asked me to cheat on my husband?!!" A friendly, "hey you should take a break from this madness!" is a LOT different from, "so when do you get off?"
Keep in mind that if, like many happily married people, she told her husband about your question (in the context of your longstanding crush), it may have started a big fight. The distance that you see is probably her desire to enforce boundaries that should have already been in place. Backing off is definitely the way to go here.
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Still preoccupied with my personal fable.
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anthroid
Annoying bad luck snails
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 16,002
No happy socks because nobody gets Manitoba.
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« Reply #7 on: November 07, 2006, 05:34:39 PM » |
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In addition, if she is aware of your crush on her, she may be worried it's about to ratchet up into stalking. Backing off right now is a good strategy. You can probably talk with her again, but start out slowly and very distantly friendly (nod in the hall, with a smile and "how are you doing today?" for a while). It may be a good idea to start making some additional friends with whom you can chat as well!
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Do you hail from Planet Hello Kitty? It's like an action movie, but boring.
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docdoc
New member
Posts: 28
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« Reply #8 on: November 07, 2006, 05:57:06 PM » |
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Are there any other women in your town? Just a thought. Forget her and move on.
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supernumerary
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« Reply #9 on: November 07, 2006, 06:08:01 PM » |
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This crush has been going on for many years? People, I think the OP needs stronger strategies than just 'forget her and move on'. Crushes, by definition, do not last 'many years'. OP it looks like you're seriously in love with her. What now?
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spork
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« Reply #10 on: November 07, 2006, 06:48:16 PM » |
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I think you should start massaging your breasts. That way she'll know your true intentions.
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a.k.a. gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket
"Please do not force people who are exhausted to take medication for hallucinations." -- Memo from the Chair, Department of White Privilege Studies, Fiork University
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grasshopper
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« Reply #11 on: November 07, 2006, 08:42:01 PM » |
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I think you should start massaging your breasts. That way she'll know your true intentions.
So glad I'm not the only one who automatically thought "under-the-shirt self-massage." Back to work, Grasshopper! Whtch! |
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rambling
Somehow, while I was not looking, I became a
Senior member
Posts: 568
so hours&hours of chronicling have come to this...
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« Reply #12 on: November 07, 2006, 10:04:54 PM » |
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For a long time I thought that some women liked it when a poor guy was smitten by them, and even though they had no interest, they kept the guy hanging on for fun. However then at some point it happened to me...
It is indeed possible that she had no idea that you have "a crush on her" until your question and then she freaked out. From what you tell us (and of course it is not much), I conclude that she is not interested in a fling. and that is just as well, you do not want to be "just a fling", or possibly break up a marriage, do you?
I would strongly suggest that you try to redirect your affections elsewhere. Surely there must be other interesting women out there. Once you force yourself to look around, maybe they will become more visible.
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bloom where you are planted...
---words of wisdom from fellow forumite notaprof
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