next »

[avaya]

I got an email in my email box from a former student - he sent it to a professor in another department and myself (we were both on the to: line).  The email said, "Please write me a letter of recommendation for graduate school, find the instructions attached."

First of all, the student was not very good - a C student at best.  He had a decent attitude but his writing was AWFUL and despite lots and lots of help, he did not improve.  I remember his last paper with me -- he brought in a draft and it was so full of errors, I could not believe it.  I thought he was just rushed and I was going to get him to realize how poorly it was written so he would say "Let me fix the errors and get it back to you."  So I started going through the paper with him and I asked him, "Do you see the error here?" and he kept saying, "No, I don't."  I had spent so much time helping this student with grammar and punctuation, and none of it stuck.  I just gave the paper back to him and said, "I am really sorry but I am too busy to edit your paper.  Please go to the Learning Center for help with the writing.  Until the writing is fixed, I can't even begin to evaluate the content."  (Yes, it was a little sharp but I was so frustrated, I had spent so much time with this student over 3 semesters and either he didn't care to learn or he just didn't get it - and I really believe it was the latter since he did have a good attitude.)

Anyway, I am so swamped now, I just looked at this email like "Huh?"  He did not ask that I write the letter, he essentially ordered me to do it.  It was about 10 days ago and I just remembered it right now.  (I have not purposefully ignored it, I was just so annoyed at the time that I did not print it out, and then I was overcome by other work and then forgot it until now.)

So here are my questions.  Is this normal for students to do this?  Don't they normally ASK you to write a letter?  Next, what should my response to this student be?  I really feel like telling him, um, you are supposed to ASK and my answer is no since you did not do well in my classes.

On the other hand this student is from a poor background and it's amazing that he is even attempting graduate school.  It's not a very good school so he may get in.  But it wasn't just the writing that wasn't very good, the analysis wasn't very good either.  Once in a while it was good but normally it was either mediocre or totally off base.

Thank you for any help and advice you can provide.  I am so beaten down and tired right now, it's hard to figure out what to do, and my frustration with spending all that time with this student is welling up again.  (I have changed my ways and DO NOT spend that much time with students teaching them grammar, since I teach in the social sciences, not English.   I do help them but I do not spend 30 minutes at a time with them anymore.)

[fym22]

I would just respond with an email message that says "I'm sorry, but I can't write a recommendation letter"

nothing else need be said. most importantly, you are NOT obligated to provide a reason why.

[hum_postdoc]

This student is rude, clueless or both. You're certainly not obligated to do anything on the student's behalf, but I would probably respond to the student and say that given his/her performance in class, you're not able to write a positive letter, and if the student would like to meet to discuss the matter further, to schedule an appointment with you. If the student takes you up, that might be an opportunity to explain what bad form it is to ask for letters in the manner he/she has. It's a worthwhile lesson to learn now, especially if the student plans to stay in academia.

[philoctetes]

No it is not normal. I would probably ignore it, unless I really liked the kid.

Or you could write the letter, just write an honest letter. He might have asked you if it was good idea, but he didn't. Too bad for him. But since he might never find out why he didn't get in, it is all rather pointless. 

So it all comes down to this. How much did you like him? Was he a nice kid, whose general fecklessness is why he thinks because he said "Please" he was being polite?  If so, tell him that asking is generally considered the done thing, and that you would suggest that he ask a professor in whose class he got a better grade. The reason he asked you is likely because he remembers you fondly. Perhaps it is because of you that he got himself to the writing centre and learned something.

That this even bothers you means that you are a good sort who honestly cares about your students.

As I said I would likely ignore it, but I predict you will email him and tell him the truth. You may even encourage him.

[gennimom]

Do NOT write a letter of non-recommendation. I don't know how many times I was told that if you asked someone to write a letter that was a negative, they could slam you. But due to open records laws you could ask to see your file. Then it was possible to for you to sue for slander. Or something to that effect. Basically it is very illegal to write that sort of letter. That is why people talk about ways to write a letter of recommendation that damns with faint praise.

I agree with fym22 on this one, for once.

[fiona]

I doubt if it's illegal to write a negative letter, but it's certainly a waste of your time. I think it would also be a waste of your time to have an office meeting with this student, as one of the posters suggested. You've already given him much too much of your time and energy, and an office meeting might lend itself to badgering, wheedling, and whining.

The best thing, I think, would be to e-mail that you cannot write a recommendation letter because his class performance isn't good enough, and he needs people who can really praise him in order to get into school.

That would be the best thing. But I admit that when I get e-mails like that--and I do get them, at least one a semester--I just ignore them and don't answer them at all. Seeing them makes me very weary, as the OP says, and it's just not worth my time and energy.

The Fiona

[yemaya]

I concur with those who voted against writing a letter of non-recommendation.  The kindest thing you could do is to tell him that you don't feel that you're a good choice to write him a strong recommendation.  Faculty certainly aren't obligated.  I'm not sure whether this kid is rude or clueless either, but he really needs someone to tell him about recommendation letter etiquette.  If you were willing to give him a gentle hint that this is not the way to go about it, you'd really be doing him a favor.  I'd just first decline to write the letter and then let him know about the asking, then supplying the prof with the appropriate materials (forms, envelope, list of deadlines, etc).  Most of the faculty I know require students applying to grad school (in addition to forms and envelope) to give them a copy of their CV and a draft of their statement of purpose.  Some require a transcript as well.

[brunhilde]

I agree with the other posters who said you should not write a letter. Writing a negative letter would be a waste of time and you obviously can't write a positive letter.

Since you said this student is from a poor background, I'm wondering if he is lacking knowledge of the cultural rules of recommendation. Academe is probably a foreign environment and his usual patterns of interaction don't seem to be serving him well. So I would use this as an opportunity to help him understand the unwritten rules of getting letters of recommendation. There are at least two that he is unaware of (that you only ask people who gave you a good grade and that you actually ask people).

[dr_stones]

While not normal or typical, it is becoming increasingly common.

When the letter doesn't get there on time, email them back and say, "well, I had a university function and then my favorite uncle died, so I was wondering if I could have an extra couple of days to get the letter in because it is homecoming this week.  I know u won't mind. THX!"

[anthroid]

While not normal or typical, it is becoming increasingly common.

When the letter doesn't get there on time, email them back and say, "well, I had a university function and then my favorite uncle died, so I was wondering if I could have an extra couple of days to get the letter in because it is homecoming this week.  I know u won't mind. THX!"

Oh, what a temptation!  Thanks for the laugh, drstones!

[larryc]

I agree with Anon4now Fym22, just send a one-sentence refusal.

[mj_romo]

I've gotten "requests" like this as well.  Generally, I inform the student that there's a proper etiquette to follow when asking for a favor from an instructor, and until they learn that etiquette, I won't consider it.

And then, I have told students that I only write letters if they excelled in the class, and a C is not excelling.

[avaya]

Thank you everyone, so much, for your replies.  I was feeling so frustrated but I felt terrible also because I know the student wants to do well and just isn't equipped to do so, at least not in my field.

I emailed him and congratulated him on wanted to further his education, and told him that there were a few things he should know about asking for letters of recommendation (number one being that you *ask* for them).  The last one was that he should ask professors that he did the best with to write the letters.  I told him that if he thought I was the best person to write the letter, I would and I could say positive things about him, but I would also have to address the issues leading to him not getting anything higher than a C in my classes.  I told him I wished him the best of luck and for him to get back with me if did decide to have me write the letters.

I am not sure if I should have offered to write the letter (with the caveat).  I have to say, he is my "friend" on facebook and I noticed that he updated him status.  It said something to the effect, "I am going to improve myself and go to graduate school, and be the first person ever in my family to do so ... I am so proud!" or something like that.  I thought, "What if no one writes him letters?"  Then he couldn't even apply.  I decided I didn't want that to happen, and I would rather be upfront about the type of letter I would write and let him decide.  Perhaps another reason I should delete my facebook account? :-)  I feel good about what I did, though, so that's what counts.  Again, thanks everyone for the sage advice.

[prytania3]

Oh, that is so sad, Avaya. Now I want to write him the letter.

[art_admin]

Having written recs and now reading many in my position as a program administrator, I think that it is important to remember that honest letters are the key to making references a useful tool in admission decisions. I think that OP made a very good move in replying to the student, setting out the lay of the land re. the type of letter OP could provide, and then letting the student make a decision. I would hestitate to allow the facebook relationship and commentary influence the type of letter OP or anyone would write. I should say, though, that a left-handed compliment in a letter may not torpedo all hopes of graduate study, but no letters will do exactly that. Do your best, if asked to write such a letter, to let a student know what sort of letter you feel capable of submitting and then be straightforward in the letter rather than oblique. It will keep my tylenol consumption down!