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[tranquility]

I am in a situation that many graduate students (and, actually, people in any organizational setting) must be in, and I am wondering what might be done to combat the emotional drain that results.

I am not trying to bash my institution, and just in case my anonymity is not assured, this is a ficticious situation! But I am sure it is a fairly common type of situation, regardless.

A variety of corruption and "unfairness" in my academic world is becoming more and more visible to me lately. There is strong pressure not to complain, pretend that the academic environment is wonderful, and that you're thrilled to be involved. Most, but not all, my peers have adapted to this, externally, but I don't know how they do it, emotionally. Unfortunately I'm not close friends with any of the successful transitioners.

While I know that I am justified in feeling cynical, if not outraged, as a result of these discoveries, I also know I'm powerless in this context right now, which is scary and depressing. I am not finding that this negative, withdrawing emotional state is helping me complete my degree. However, on the plus side, I only have some months left before I can leave this institution and this heavy emotional burden behind.

So, in the meantime, any thought on how I can try regenerate that positive, productive, and peaceful state of mind about my work that will let me finish my degree quickly and gracefully?

[drillers1]

A variety of corruption and "unfairness" in my academic world is becoming more and more visible to me lately. There is strong pressure not to complain, pretend that the academic environment is wonderful, and that you're thrilled to be involved. Most, but not all, my peers have adapted to this, externally, but I don't know how they do it, emotionally. Unfortunately I'm not close friends with any of the successful transitioners.

Dude, welcome to the world, but I do know how you feel. I used to be cynical about corruption and unfairness, and then I learned to embrace it. Pretending that the academic environment is wonderful and you're thrilled to be involved in it (even if you think it's unfair and corrupt) is called playing politics, and you do it to get what you want and what you need. You've got to erase any other Pollyanna ideas right out of your head because it's only going to make you disgruntled.

Personally, I  think letting your ideals interfere with what you want to do is a form of self-destructive behavior. Ask yourself, "Am I here to change the world? Or to get a degree and good references?"  Be Zen about it. Accept the academic world for what it is. In fact, accept the world for what it is. We live in a capitalist, individualistic, Darwinian society, and the sooner you accept this fact and move on--the better off you'll be. If you can't accept it, then plan a revolution.

It's okay to be cynical, but don't let your cynicism get in your own way.

Good luck.

[supernumerary]

What drillers said. Also, I don't think it's cynical to recognize that's there's plenty of unfairness in the academy, sometimes to the point of 'corruption', e.g. people getting turned for tenure for trivial reasons, etc. What you describe, about pressure not to complain, is everywhere. This is just life. Recognizing this is simply realistic. But don't allow it to become depressing. I think cynicism only results when you give up on hoping for good things and assume that everything is unfair and corrupt. But not everything is. The world's not perfect, but neither is it all evil. It's something in between - pockets of unfairness in a sea of fairness. Just try to weather the rough patches you're going through by remembering that they do not represent the entire reality of your uni. It has s*** stuff like everywhere else, but I bet it has good stuff like everywhere else. And so will the place you end up, when you finish and graduate. Good luck.

 

[greyscale]

I've been lucky; I rarely get cynical even when the situation would warrant cynicism. But, like many grad students, I've had some challenges in the process of finishing my degree. I found that it was very helpful to talk to other grad students and realize that everyone has similar experiences.

My university actually offers discussion groups for grad students who are going through rough times. The groups were geared more towards depression than disillusionment, but they're related issues. It was really startling to hear that everyone else had the same concerns.

I think that a formal, facilitated group like that is useful for real depression (in this case, it was about a dozen people and a counselor). But I also know grad students who weren't depressed but who benefited from organized group discussions. Some friends have weekly informal discussions over coffee or lunch to share their struggles: cynicism, disillusionment, frustrating department politics, and the usual ups and downs of grad school like paper acceptances and rejections.

One thing I'm wary of, though, is competitition between students. I don't really feel comfortable sharing my ups and downs with my classmates. We're friendly, and people collaborate often, but there's still a tendency to hide "weaknesses". So by all means, try to find peers you can discuss your grad school experiences with, but make sure it's a group of people who all feel equally comfortable contributing to the discussion.

You said that your peers seem to have adjusted, but you're right that they probably had their own difficulties with the situation.  If you trust any of them, maybe you can ask them -- though it could easily devolve into a gripefest about the department that would probably leave you feeling worse, not better.

[voxprincipalis]

What super said (and drillers).

Progression of stages through grad-school:

1. Wow! This is all great!
2. This is mostly great, but there are these little things that bug me.
3. Hey! Did you see that? Did that just happen?
4. Oh my goodness, has this been happening the whole time?
5. Aaah! Everyone's corrupt! Soylent Green is people!
6. Forget it, there's no point. I'm getting out.
7. But I still like my subject....
8. ... and even though Prof X is a jerk, Prof Y seems like he genuinely wants to help, and he seems to see through all the BS and know what's going on....
9. ... and wouldn't it be nice if I could help to promote all of the great things about academia and none of the BS?
10. And in the end, my experience and happiness are ultimately determined by me, not by my circumstances, so even if the environment is not ideal, I can still find ways to live up to my best ideals in my work and professional relationships.

As super said, repeat once you have gotten a job. You will have the same experience, I can pretty much guarantee it.

This only fails if you get to step 9 or 10 and realize you can't quite get there. Give a shout-out to the "leaving academe" board if that's where you're at; otherwise, patience, perspective, and gratitude will help you feel better.

VP

[twofish]

A variety of corruption and "unfairness" in my academic world is becoming more and more visible to me lately. There is strong pressure not to complain, pretend that the academic environment is wonderful, and that you're thrilled to be involved. Most, but not all, my peers have adapted to this, externally, but I don't know how they do it, emotionally.

I found it quite simple.  Carve out an inner space where you can complain to yourself.  I actually found the realization is that the system is totally screwed up to be quite liberating because it meant that I could stop blaming myself for failing to reach my goals, and I could decide not to use the opinions of others to judge whether I was a "success" or not.

I can put on the "YES EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL" mask when I need to, but it is a mask.  I think of myself when I'm required to do that as an actor playing a role, and it doesn't bother me, since if someone forces me to put on a mask to be acceptable to them, that person is an idiot, and most people don't.

While I know that I am justified in feeling cynical, if not outraged, as a result of these discoveries, I also know I'm powerless in this context right now, which is scary and depressing.

You aren't completely powerless.  People can force you to behave in certain ways and to *pretend* to think certain things.  But no one can force you to actually feel a certain way or think a certain thing.  It might not seem like much to have the power to think secret thoughts and have secret feelings, but in a situation where you don't have much power, you have to carve out whatever you can get.  The hard part is that the system will try to make you feel guilty for thinking and feeling what you do, but you have the power to resist that.

Personally, intense anger and rage was one of the things that helped me complete my Ph.D.  The challenge for me has actually been to try to control the anger and rage so that it doesn't become self-destructive.

So, in the meantime, any thought on how I can try regenerate that positive, productive, and peaceful state of mind about my work that will let me finish my degree quickly and gracefully?

It's hard for me to help you there.  Since my state of mind is negative and in constant turmoil, and I'm just too angry to do things very gracefully.  I also tend to do things very slowly.  I'm not going to be able to carry out all of my revenge fantasies in a day or even a year, but give me several decades, and I'll get something productive done.  I've got more than enough anger inside of me to keep me busy for the rest of my life (and may be even to give people something to do after I die).

The thing that you will have to face is that getting your degree *won't end your problems*.  Once you are done with graduate school nonsense, you'll have to face junior faculty nonsense or workplace nonsense.  Reading absurdist literature like Waiting for Godot or Catch-22 helps a lot since it turns a lot of the anger into absurdist humor, and if you can laugh at how stupid and absurd things are, that's asserting some power over the situation.

[twofish]

This isn't meant to be a criticism since everyone has to find their own way.  I just wanted to point out how I see things differently.

You've got to erase any other Pollyanna ideas right out of your head because it's only going to make you disgruntled.

Personally, I don't mind being disgruntled.  Being disgruntled gets me out of bed in the morning, and gives my life meaning.

Personally, I  think letting your ideals interfere with what you want to do is a form of self-destructive behavior. Ask yourself, "Am I here to change the world? Or to get a degree and good references?"

But what if you really are here to change to world?  After all, if it isn't to change the world, then I don't see the point of getting the degree and references.  There are a lot of easier and less painful ways of making a living.

In fact, accept the world for what it is. We live in a capitalist, individualistic, Darwinian society, and the sooner you accept this fact and move on--the better off you'll be.

This advice might work for you, but it doesn't work for me.  First of all, I don't think I'd be a better person if I accepted the world the way that it is.  I might be less stressed, more contented, even perhaps more happy.  But is happiness really the most important thing in the world.  It isn't for me, and so I choose to do certain things knowing that they are likely to make me miserable.

If you can't accept it, then plan a revolution.

Revolutions happen from time to time.  We are going through several revolutions right now, and one has to figure out one's place in it. 

One thing that helps me go through life is a sense of history.  I'm a small actor in a chapter that started at least one hundred and eighty years ago, and is likely to go on for another one hundred years if everything goes well.  That chapter is a small part of a story that goes back thousands of years in the past and who knows how long into the future....  When you look at things at this scale, then social systems that look strong and permanent suddenly become amazingly fragile.

The reason I focus more on ideals than on politics is that ideals last whereas institutions are very fragile.  The ideals of scholarship and community service go back thousands of years, and they are likely to last for as long as there are human beings.  The institutional forms of academia, they only go back a few decades at most, and are far more fragile than people are willing to admit.  Who knows what things are going to look like in twenty years with globalization and the technology revolution.

[tamiam]

I like VP's stages, and as a late-comer grad student I can say:

1. I'm there right now (about stage 7)
2. I've been there in my prior careers.

Don't sweat it, get your head down, do what you need to do, and finish. At least you know that this situation is inherently temporary. Thank God, eh?

Good luck!

[hakk4500]

Misery loves company, myself included.

This thread was refreshing to me because when grad school doesn't go well, it seems that you often feel alone. This is especially true when "everyone" around you seems to have it so good.

I too have come to a conclusion about grad school. Sometimes there is nothing left that you can do. For many it is about getting the work done. I've never had that problem. I have advisors that take anywhere from six weeks to six months to get a draft back to me. There is no urgency on their part. Yet, my life hangs in the balance. At this current rate it will be another three years before I am done. And, I am not sure I have the stomach for that being almost forty years old.

Graduate school is the last form of legalized hazing. As someone said above, the anger is motivating. I can honestly say I despise my advisors and their lack of respect for a student's life. It is definitely not a behavior I model with my own students.

Let this be a warning to all new grad students. PLAY the political game from day one and expect the political fellatio that will be required of you. Choose a committee that will support you and pass you even if it means doing something that you don't want to do. Get done and get on with your life. I wish I could.

Hakk

[twofish]

This thread was refreshing to me because when grad school doesn't go well, it seems that you often feel alone. This is especially true when "everyone" around you seems to have it so good.

There is this weird social dynamic which I don't fully understand in which everyone feels a need to pretend that everything is fine, when in fact, everyone is miserable to some extent or another.  I think it has something to do with the idea that misery and frustration is considered a sign of weakness rather than something normal.  I'd even venture to say that someone that goes through grad school and *doesn't* have moments of self-doubt or cynicism probably has something seriously wrong with them.

Graduate school is the last form of legalized hazing. As someone said above, the anger is motivating. I can honestly say I despise my advisors and their lack of respect for a student's life. It is definitely not a behavior I model with my own students.

I had the fortune of having a wonderful advisor that I liked (and still like) as a human being.  Looking back at my grad school and undergrad experience, most of it was good, and there were a huge number of caring and supportive people that helped me through the process.  Curiously, the fact that my educational experience has been mostly positive, means that they parts of it that weren't stick out particularly sharply.

Part of the problem is that you basically have to wreck your personal life in order to be in a position to have a position of power in academia. 

Something that has helped me greatly is that I failed massively and spectacularly early in my academic career (i.e. applying for grad school).  What this means that I fear failure and public humilation a lot less than a lot of other people in academia.  This has a number of knock-on effects, in that because I don't fear failure that much (having failed many, many times before), there is a limit to how badly I'll let people treat me before I just walk, and how much power I will allow another human being to have over me.

Choose a committee that will support you and pass you even if it means doing something that you don't want to do. Get done and get on with your life. I wish I could.

There is a very big problem with that strategy, in that you can't "get on with your life."  As soon as you get your degree, you are going to be facing the same sorts of issues whether as junior faculty or in industry.  One big mistake that I made was to assume that once I reached level X, then all my problems would disappear, and I could coast for the rest of my life.

What I'm finding is that the problems never go away.  I'm actually dealing with a lot of the same sorts of issues, fears, worries, and problems that I had to deal with as a freshman undergraduate.  I don't think in terms of resolving issues, rather I think in terms of managing them, so that I get something useful done and don't self-destruct.

[histgradstudent]

Oh for God's sake. Look, I certainly do my share of complaining about grad school but this thread is an example of why you have to learn not to take your own moaning too seriously. Academics get so bitter because they start off with ridiculous notions of what an academic career will be like. Actually the people who seem the most similar sometimes are people who work in the non-profit world. When you think your life is going to be dedicated to great noble ideals all of the time, you get bummed out when it turns out that actually there are politics and petty quarrels and pointless hoops to jump through. Welcome to life.

Certainly, there are some structural problems in a lot of disciplines. Some programs admit too many students and don't treat them well. We all know about the job market. But, anyone who says they didn't know this coming in, didn't do enough research. If you did know and chose to come anyway, then you were obviously taking a calculated risk because you felt the potential reward was worth all of the hassle involved.

It is worth keeping some perspective.
1. I could be doing worse things, really. I read all day and have an absurdly flexible schedule. We all know there are some pressures that come with these things but it isn't the worst job in the world.
2. Really I actually enjoy what I do a fair amount of the time. Sometimes not, but who does?
3. This is what I want to do. If I ever decide it isn't, I should stop.

[twofish]

Certainly, there are some structural problems in a lot of disciplines. Some programs admit too many students and don't treat them well. We all know about the job market. But, anyone who says they didn't know this coming in, didn't do enough research.

Or in my case, they were actively being lied to.  In the early 1990's, there was a lot of talk about a shortage of physics and astronomy professors that never materialized.

In truth, had someone stated the reality (which isn't that bad), I probably would have made the same major decisions anyway.  But I wouldn't have felt quite angry and betrayed to the degree that I was, and there would have a few minor decisions that I would have made differently (the big one was that I wouldn't have been furious at my alma mater for fifteen years).

The big thing that would have been useful for me was for someone much more senior to let me know that I wasn't crazy and the system was really as messed up as I thought it was (which is why I post a lot to these forums).  The other thing that would have been useful is for someone senior to give me "permission to dream" and "permission to feel."   

Academia creates an extremely authoritarian culture, and I had socialized the authoritarian nature of academia to such as extent that I needed (and for the longest time didn't get), permission to do what I wanted and needed to do.  Even *thinking* about how bad the system was felt wrong because it was like talking in a lecture.

The big issue for me is that if you put me in a room with middle schoolers and have me talk about astronomy, my enthusiasm is infectious, and I end up encouraging kids to go into science, engineering, and academia.  This opens up a host of ethical issues for me.  I can try to *discourage* kids from going into science and engineering, but that's not good either for me or for society.  What this forces me to do is to do what I can to make the process for the next generation slightly less painful than it was for me, which is why I'm working so much on wikiversity and other unconventional academic systems since I've totally given up hope that there will be any meaningful changes in traditional academia.

[jds2006]

Be skeptical, but not cynical. Cynicism is a symptom of quashed romanticism--which, in the end, is still romanticism.

As the bumper sticker said, "S*** happens." And you have to be on your toes for the bad s***.

But sometimes the s*** that happens is pretty cool s***.

[histgradstudent]

Be skeptical, but not cynical. Cynicism is a symptom of quashed romanticism--which, in the end, is still romanticism.

As the bumper sticker said, "S*** happens." And you have to be on your toes for the bad s***.

But sometimes the s*** that happens is pretty cool s***.

Exactly. The people I came in with who got bitter are the ones who started with unrealistic expectations about what academia would be like. You have to roll with the punches and try not to let little things get to you. There are always going to be millions of small slights and indignities to fixate on if you want to. Again, I don't mean to minimize some of the real structural issues, but a lot of the time I think the biggest problem is academics themselves. A lot of people in academia are overly sensitive idealists who don't always deal well with setbacks.

[acrimone]

Visualize yourself as a world-class bad-ass.  Stop seeing yourself as a good guy surrounded by overwhelming evil and corruption.  Repeat the following to yourself every morning in the mirror:

"Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil.  For I am the meanest m*therf*cker in the Valley."

Repeat it to yourself every time you start to feel like you can't cope with the unfairness and corruption around you.