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[octoprof]

Won't he have a senior voice recital next year, as well?

For Pete's sake, please don't complicate the issue with logic.

Sorry, I'm an accountant. I can't help myself!

Yes, but it won't be a junior voice recital, then, will it?

If he passes this time, it won't.

[carebearstare]

I got a great email today:

Dear Professor Scene:

My name is Random Student and I'm greatly interested in taking your evening class this summer, "Introduction to Basket Weaving Techniques."  I will be doing a summer dance intensive those weeks as well from 9am to 4pm, 5 times a week. Do you think it is feasible to do both? Will the work load be strenuous and affect my dance performance during the dance?

I emailed the student back and said that there's always dancing on my midterms and finals, so I'm only a bit concerned that hu might be tuckered out by the time hu gets there.

[spectacle]

Just got this glorious missive this morning:

Mrs. Muse,
This is Blockhead I am writing you to let you know that
for the past week I have had a stomach virus and have not been
able to come to any classes at all I apologise for the
inconvenience and would hope that this doesnt prevent me from
failing your course. I would also like to know if there are any assignments due or IF I could be able to do an extra credit assignment.
I eagerly await your response.
Sincerely,
Blockhead

Oh, Blockhead.  First off, I'm not a "Mrs." It's always best to assume "professor" until you're corrected.  Secondly, I remember you from the first day of class.  You interrupted me at least three times to ask questions that had been covered already in my review of they syllabus. In fact, I reprimanded you rather firmly after the last question and said, "I strongly encourage you to go home and read your syllabus very carefully, as you clearly haven't been paying attention."   Every single question in your email is covered in the syllabus.

So, no, Blockhead.  I'm going to take a wild guess and say that this won't "prevent you from failing the class." 

[slac_vap]

Last night I received:

Dear Dr. Vap,

I am working on the paper for your class and I realize you want us to discuss our topic in terms of [important vocabulary term that was discussed in-depth in lecture and has a big section of the textbook devoted to it].  However, I can't remember what [important vocabulary term] is and I don't know how to find out.  Could you please tell me what it is?

Sincerely,
Clueless Student

My reply:

Dear Mr. Student,

It is extremely important that you understand the concept of [important vocabulary term] not only for your performance on this assignment, but also for the exam.  Consider looking in the textbook for the term or ask a classmate to share their notes regarding the term with you.  If, after doing those things, you are still having trouble, please see me during office hours and I will work with you on this in more detail.

Sincerely,
Dr. Vap

<sigh> Did I really just have to tell a junior-status student to look in the textbook to find information about a class-related term?

[ccteach]

Received today:

"Im in your HIS XX...Im sorry that I havent been able to make it to class so far but I had the flu then a close friend of my family had a heart attack and we wasnt sure if he was going to make it or not. I hope you understand the circumstances and I will be in class on Tuesday!! And I was wanting to know what work I have to make up."

This student has missed 2 solid weeks of class. With no communication of any kind. Already, s/he has failed attendance, and is close to automatic failure.

Grrr. I wish we had the right to dis-enroll people who fail to show up. I wish, I wish, I wish.

Oh, and let me just give those 5 hours of lecture over, just for you.

I am finally at a school where we can disenroll students for nonattendance. Our department policy states that we can disenroll them for missing one week of class; I extended it to 2 weeks since I still suffer from whipped puppy syndrome thanks to my former place of employment. Now that's a place that needs to allow faculty to disenroll! Okay, I am now stepping off of my soapbox.

[dr_dre]

Excerpt: "I just wanted to let u know that i will not be in class tomorrow."

My heart breaks.

[merce]

Did I really just get this?

It's Betty Sue from your 4100 class. According to our schedule, we have
a paper due on Thursday, February 14th. I was wondering if I would be
able to email you that paper, or if I would need to turn in a hard
copy-- I don't have a boyfriend or anything so I wouldn't be skipping
for that reason, but it's one of my best friends birthday, and we're
planning a surprise party for her and we need the day to prepare,
organize, etc.

Thanks!
Betty Sue


Did my student just write to say she doesn't want to come to class because she wants to prepare a party???  Not even go out of town for a party, not because class conflicts with an event, but to set up a party!

Is this for real?

I am very tempted to write back saying I am going to pretend I didn't receive said email and we'll just both go on quietly pretending that nothing happened.
Can I do that?

[yemaya]

I am very tempted to write back saying I am going to pretend I didn't receive said email and we'll just both go on quietly pretending that nothing happened.
Can I do that?

Hey, at least she didn't bullsh*t you.  If she's going to blow off class, there's nothing you can do, but she should plan to drop her paper off before class either in your mailbox or at office hours.  That's what I'd tell her anyway.

[spectacle]

Hey, s/he read the syllabus!

***
Prof. Muse,
Hi, this is Tweedledum from your thursday 5:30 class. As you have probably noticed, I did not turn in the first paper. I don't really have much excuse for not doing the assignment except it completely slipped my mind. I think it was a combination of a few things that made me forget. I did not have a chance to buy an assignment book to write things down yet, and I had some issues that needed handled over the weekend that took my mind off school. The point is, I know your syllabus states there is no late work, but I hate to start the class off on something like this. I was hoping you would show some mercy. Please get back to me whenever you can.

Thanks,
Tweedledum

[yemaya]

Hey, s/he read the syllabus!

***
Prof. Muse,
Hi, this is Tweedledum from your thursday 5:30 class. As you have probably noticed, I did not turn in the first paper. I don't really have much excuse for not doing the assignment except it completely slipped my mind. I think it was a combination of a few things that made me forget. I did not have a chance to buy an assignment book to write things down yet, and I had some issues that needed handled over the weekend that took my mind off school. The point is, I know your syllabus states there is no late work, but I hate to start the class off on something like this. I was hoping you would show some mercy. Please get back to me whenever you can.

Thanks,
Tweedledum

You know, since this student took responsibility I might be inclined to let him/her submit the assignment late, but with a steep penalty and an agreement that this is a one-time thing. 

[cc_alan]

Hey, s/he read the syllabus!

***
Prof. Muse,
Hi, this is Tweedledum from your thursday 5:30 class. As you have probably noticed, I did not turn in the first paper. I don't really have much excuse for not doing the assignment except it completely slipped my mind. I think it was a combination of a few things that made me forget. I did not have a chance to buy an assignment book to write things down yet, and I had some issues that needed handled over the weekend that took my mind off school. The point is, I know your syllabus states there is no late work, but I hate to start the class off on something like this. I was hoping you would show some mercy. Please get back to me whenever you can.

Thanks,
Tweedledum

You know, since this student took responsibility I might be inclined to let him/her submit the assignment late, but with a steep penalty and an agreement that this is a one-time thing. 

A previous boss had an unwritten late policy. The written policy was absolutely no late work accepted. Once we collected the papers for that week, we would tell students who didn't turn it in (or if someone tried to turn it in late) to go talk to him.

He would tell them that he would make one exception without penalty. For the rest of the term, if the student didn't turn in everything else on time, not only would he not accept that new paper but he would take away the points on the first late one he accepted, also.

As far as I could tell, the policy worked very well.

Alan

[balancing_act]

Hey, s/he read the syllabus!

***
Prof. Muse,
Hi, this is Tweedledum from your thursday 5:30 class. As you have probably noticed, I did not turn in the first paper. I don't really have much excuse for not doing the assignment except it completely slipped my mind. I think it was a combination of a few things that made me forget. I did not have a chance to buy an assignment book to write things down yet, and I had some issues that needed handled over the weekend that took my mind off school. The point is, I know your syllabus states there is no late work, but I hate to start the class off on something like this. I was hoping you would show some mercy. Please get back to me whenever you can.

Thanks,
Tweedledum

You know, since this student took responsibility I might be inclined to let him/her submit the assignment late, but with a steep penalty and an agreement that this is a one-time thing. 

A previous boss had an unwritten late policy. The written policy was absolutely no late work accepted. Once we collected the papers for that week, we would tell students who didn't turn it in (or if someone tried to turn it in late) to go talk to him.

He would tell them that he would make one exception without penalty. For the rest of the term, if the student didn't turn in everything else on time, not only would he not accept that new paper but he would take away the points on the first late one he accepted, also.

As far as I could tell, the policy worked very well.

Alan

I do this. Makes me look so merciful and kind. ;-)

[wanna_writemore]

One I found while cleaning out files today:

"Dr. Writemore-
   I went ahead and went home [just before a holiday] because my brother was released from prison earlier than we thought, and I wanted enough time to hang out with him.  Its pretty embarassing, but I wanted to let you know.  Ive read through [topic for the week]-so Im doing alright.  have a good thanksgiving and thank you for your patience with me."


I really wanted to know what the brother did, but of course it's not my business.  The part that got me is that he bothered to tell me why he was gone.   It was the day before Thanksgiving break.  Lots of students were gone.

[spectacle]

You know, since this student took responsibility I might be inclined to let him/her submit the assignment late, but with a steep penalty and an agreement that this is a one-time thing. 

I already said no.  I might have considered it, but I went over my policy in great detail the first two weeks of class.  I asked if there were questions about the assignment a billion times.  I sent a reminder email to the whole class that the first paper was due (and I never do that).  There was really no excuse. 

Also, as a young-looking woman, I feel like I really have to lay down the law for the first few weeks, or they try to get away with murder.  It happens every semester, but by midterms they're whipped into shape.

[cc_alan]

A previous boss had an unwritten late policy. The written policy was absolutely no late work accepted. Once we collected the papers for that week, we would tell students who didn't turn it in (or if someone tried to turn it in late) to go talk to him.

He would tell them that he would make one exception without penalty. For the rest of the term, if the student didn't turn in everything else on time, not only would he not accept that new paper but he would take away the points on the first late one he accepted, also.

As far as I could tell, the policy worked very well.

Alan

I do this. Makes me look so merciful and kind. ;-)

Exactly!

Some students benefited from the policy and this allowed them to do well and complete the course. Others were not able to keep up with the workload and once the second assignment was going to be late, they knew they couldn't keep up and they ended up dropping/withdrawing from the course.

Alan