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[banana]

Just received this one and thought it was worthy of reviving the thread...

Hey [First name].
 
I'm back at [School name] safe and sound. However, I just received a call from my friends. They were stuck in [City name] all day last night waiting for their ride to get in from the Airport. During this, some drunk man came up to them and told them that they were going to die. They ended up getting in at [School name] really late last night because they got into a car accident on the way back, the car flipped over. Given the events and what they believe to be "signs" they are very freaked out right now. I was just alerted of the situation by them and feel it necessary to check on them and be with them, just make sure they are OK. My friend, [Friend's name], sounded very freaked out. I know physically, the only have cuts on their arms (at least the 2 do whose window faced the ground) but they are healthy otherwise. Sorry for missing class, I'd be there otherwise.

[agtaboy]

Reading these gems is _almost_ getting me to revoke my policy of not using email for course-related communication.

I figure if a student cannot see me in my office or call me at my office, the problem or issue is not important enough to deal with. I'm not the highest paid prof., but if you think about how much reading and writing email costs in labor and overhead for each of us, that's some expensive prose!

These examples of email are great comedy. Too bad they were meant to be serious.

[ptprof]

I received this e-mail just a few days after my husband died.  I had been at home taking care of him full-time, and my students knew that he was gravely ill.

katali, I have been remiss in responding.  I am so very sorry about this.  Though it was in the days before pervasive email, I received a similar communication from an unhappy student as I was nursing my (now late) mother through a horrible lung cancer/chemo/radiation/surgery event (she died 4 months later).  It feels horrible to have one's sorrow and terror and grief so completely dismissed.  I grieve with you and I am angry on your behalf.  I know you have now found peace, or at least I hope you have.  There is nothing good to say about this.

Last spring my mother passed away during semester after a lengthy battle with, among other issues, Parkinson's.  I was truly astounded at the lack of human decency on the part of many of my students.  I actually received emails when I back home for the wake/funeral asking about when exams would be rescheduled for, would paper deadlines be extended, etc.  Now, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that several students were extremely thoughtful and sent cards/emails expressing their condolences.  Given the program I teach in, I have the same students in small classes (<15) over and over and over again - some of these emails were from students I've had in 4 - 6 classes over 3 years, we know each other well.

After this happened, I talked with several of my colleagues and the general opinion was that as college students most are still egocentric and/or immature.

[nightseeker]

Loving this thread!

My favorite, received at four in the morning on the day the midterm paper was due:

"Hello.
Could you tell me what the paper is on?"

I got up from the desk and went to my bed.  I think I wanted to believe it was a crazy dream.  Woke up, and the email was still there.  The student missed class that day and the paper was late.

That was the day I decided that I never needed to respond to stupid questions over email.

[ptprof]

Loving this thread!

My favorite, received at four in the morning on the day the midterm paper was due:

"Hello.
Could you tell me what the paper is on?"

I got up from the desk and went to my bed.  I think I wanted to believe it was a crazy dream.  Woke up, and the email was still there.  The student missed class that day and the paper was late.

That was the day I decided that I never needed to respond to stupid questions over email.

What the frack were you doing checking email at 4am????

[notaprof]

Our study abroad application deadline is tomorrow and students are required to research the programs/countries carefully before making a decision on where they are planning to study.  Here is an email I received tonight from a student who the advising appointment about 6 weeks ago.  I removed the names of the programs/countries but the rest is verbatim. 

Hello,
I had some last minute questions about the A, B, and C programs:

which one would you say has the most outgoing culture? the most intimate? the most subdued/quiet?
what are the educational systems like in each country? nationally and locally?
are there any NGOs in country A that focus on education that we will be visiting?
how poor are the conditions of the rural family in Country B?
what activities will I be doing in the evening in each program?

thanks!

I guess I am supposed to write the essay? 

[rowan1]

**WARNING FINALS WEEK RANT!**

This greeted me this morning.

To clarify, this is one of the good students, but the email reflects the overall resistance of this group of students to get that they are now in COLLEGE and we are not responsible for hand holding and reminding them constantly about assignments.  That is why we give the a syllabus!

"Hi Rowan!
This is Perky Student from your acting one class.  And I just remembered about rehearsal logs and self-evaluations....are we doing those for this final scene?  We never talked about turning them in on Tuesday, and I have a feeling most of the class will not remember.  So what should I do?
~Perky Student"

The syllabus is clear, they were given a verbal reminder about the final self evaluation - something they have done with every scene, so of course I wouldn't include it in the final, that would make sense.  "Oh my God! Isn't college a lot of work?"

Grumbling and returning to the stack of papers I have to grade.

[mandywoetzel]

Below isn't from my student but from a prospective doctoral applicant. I give her credit for being direct...

I am pasting and copying, with the individual/departmental/institutional names removed and grammatical errors untouched.
==
Dear Professor [me],

I am applying to [my program] and [XYZ] University.  I haven't spent much time looking into your program, do you have any insight on which program is best as far as professors, financial aid, and the students.

Thanks,

[agtaboy]

I GOT ONE TODAY!!!!!

Hey [Agtaboy] I stopped by your office today during your office
hours and waited for like 45 minutes but no one came and I wont be
able to make it over there any other time this week.  I just have some
questions on the first 96 problems on the exam review.  Here are my
answers for the first 96 and I would GREATLY appreciate it if you
could help me out and tell me which ones I got wrong and the answers
so I can go back and make a note to myself why that is the answer.  I
am just sending you the questions that I had trouble with and their
answers.
2. False
2. True
7. True
10. True
11. True
15. True
17. False
18. False
20. True
21. False
22. True
23. True
24. False
25. True
26. True
27. False
29. True
30. True
31. False
32. False
37. B
39. B
41. D
42. B
44. D
46. A
48. B
50. D
54. C
55. D
60. B
63. D
64. A
65. C
66. C
71. C
76. D
80. A
82. C
83. B
85. C
86. B
89. B
90. B
94. C

Thanks ALOT [Agtaboy] and sorry I couldnt be at your office to ask
you this but I have no other choice but to send you the email.
[Student]

He worked so hard writing this email, the fact that I don't DO email comm with students is a shame....And I don't suppose he figured out office hours don't apply during final exams since I was giving one at that hour. Wow.

[nightseeker]

ptprof is hurting my feelings...

I am up at all hours of the night lurking on these threads.

Oh, and I was finishing the diss at the time.

[expatinuk]

I regret to inform you that i dont think im going to be able to complete my Masters this academic year. I recently recieved my final invoice for my fees for this year and im enable to pay.

I wonder what else he was enabled to do?

[ptprof]

ptprof is hurting my feelings...

I am up at all hours of the night lurking on these threads.

Oh, and I was finishing the diss at the time.

My sincerest apologies for hurting your feeling.

I am convinced that reading these threads delayed by defense date by at least one month.

[gennimom]

I am convinced that reading these threads delayed by defense date by at least one month.

Hey, I finally figured out how to get just the part of the quote I wanted! Yea me!

Anyway, ptprof, that was one of the reasons I got off for a month. But it is now the holidays and I can play on here again for a while! GD is peeved though, because he still has 3 exams. If I disappear again in January, you'll know where I am!

[amlithist]

From a student, just now, about the sources required in the final paper.  NB:  this paper WAS due today, but due to the power outages/ice storm, I took pity on them and pushed the due date back to Friday.

As to the paper, I require scholarly/academic (not mass market/general) sources--in other words, journals vs. magazines, UP books, etc. 

He wrote, verbatim:

"What are some pulications that are considered scolarly?"

Um, yeah.  And, oh, BTW--the assignment was given on OCTOBER 22.

[mandywoetzel]

"What are some pulications that are considered scolarly?"

A doctoral student once e-mailed me the same question, which totally caught be off guard.  S/he further wanted me to give him/her a list of publications that I considered "scholarly," as though it were my personal preference. I think my reply was something like, "Do you think you should be asking me that question at this point in your career? After all, I will be assessing your performance..." or something like that.  I am sure s/he complained to the Chair.