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[smart_e_pantz]

Smarty Pants, I think Pry3 was asking if this is the same student as the one who badgered you during class while taking the exam, wanting to have you tell him/her which formula to use (this post is a few pages back).

Is the student who wrote the email the same one that complained during the exam?

No.

There were three students who sat in the back of the class and talked the entire time I lectured.  The one who came up during the exam is one of the male students of the three.  The student who sent the email is the female of the three.  The chattering buddy mentioned in the email is the second male of the three...  I haven't heard from him yet!

[profesoracr]

There are so many good ones, but I think I'm going to have to go with the following, sent to me after I issued a grade of 0 for cheating on a composition (written in Spanish):

Unfortunately i have been unable to make it to your office
hours this week, but I will be at the next available one.
this dilemma have been affecting me all week.  the fact
that i am suspected of cheating on something i spent time to
do. i feel very insulted that you are basically saying that i
am not suppose to improve in the class, or better myself.
Never have i been discriminated against (that i was aware of) on
an educational level in my life, your expectations for me
must of been was failure, but mines was not.  I have spoken
with many people for opinions and support, and even have
some legitimate evidence on behalf of my writing that i
feel should have to be justified unless further actions.  Will
you please reply back to me for confirmation, i have sent 2
or 3 emails without a reponse... Please

I wonder why I doubted that the student was capable of producing native-like writing in Spanish! :)  (Incidentally, I never received the 2 or 3 e-mails the student claimed to have sent.  I also referred the incident to the appropriate dean, who called in the student to have a chat about why baselessly accusing your instructor of discriminating against you is a bad idea.)  The previous e-mail is only equalled by the following, which I received from the same student following the final exam:

I am writing to inquire about my total grade.  I am 1.6% (or
so) from passing the class.  I wanted to know if there is a
curve or if my exam can be looked over again or if anything
can be taken into consideration.  I really need to pass this
class I am graduating tomorrow I have family coming down,
and all I need is a D- to pass.  I never complained about my
grade (except for the one incident in which I am deeply
sorry) and there was a class that I forgot to mark on
attendence, and my first composition I was a few words shy of
making the quota.  There was never a time when I didn’t pay
attention in class I always interacted with others.  I am
asking is if you can take these things into consideration
for my future  PLEASE!


The student had miscalculated the final grade and actually had passed the class by a microscopic hair.  But I enjoyed the moment!  Is that cruel? ;)

[psychle]

Did you tell the class that they would "take" the exam or "write" the exam on that date?  My Canadian spouse says "write" whereas those of us from the US say "take".  It confused the students when hu adjuncted.  (My first use of hu.  Whee!)  Canadians also say they will assign "marks" instead of "grades."

From my own experience, I can confirm that it's important to recognize such differences in terminology. I'm a Canadian graduate student at an American university, and during my first TA gig, the instructor thought it was quite amusing when I talked about students "writing" exams and getting "marks." I had to make a conscientious effort to avoid using such terminology, lest I confuse the students. However, I still find it odd to talk about "making up" an exam (i.e., "taking" it at another time if you missed the scheduled exam time). I don't think that phrase was used frequently when I studied in Canada.

[helpful]

What is wrong with "writing" an exam, or getting "marks"?

[cc_alan]

What is wrong with "writing" an exam, or getting "marks"?

Well, if you're in a country that doesn't use that terminology then the students won't have a clue what you're talking about.

Alan

[helpful]

You don't write exams? What, you speak to the paper? How do you get the words on paper, then?

[gennimom]

Around here we "take" exams. If you tell students they are going to write their exams, they will assume they get to come up with and write the questions before they take the exam.
Also, students get grades, not marks. They would think, well, I'm not sure what they would think. But they wouldn't know what marks were.

[pjd001]

It seems that one of the sororities here couldn't get their website to work, so they sent the following letter to the head of our CS department asking for help. I'm sure the office only meant to see if someone was willing to help them when they forwarded it to the undergrad and grad mailing lists...

 ---

Subject: Question from a student!
Hi Mr. xxxxx,
I'm not sure if you can help me with this question but I'm hopeing
that you can!  My name is Kate xxxxx, I am going to be a senior at
UMASS this year and I am in Sigma Kappa Sorority.  I am the Vice
President of membership (recruitment)  for our chapter.  Our
sorority has a website (sigmakappa.rocks.it) Each semester we pass
the website on to another member of our chapter to maintain.

This has become an issue because girls who do not really know how to
update the website end up being responsible for it.  I can tell you
that I do not have the greatest skills when it becomes to computers!
We currently are having a BIG problem with the website!  One of the
rules for our recruitment is that we remove pictures of girls who will
be representing us with the the Panhellenic community (which is all of
the sororities on our campus).  These are women who we have chosen to
diaffilaite (basically they stop affifialiting with our sisters and
our sisterhood) from our chapter and help the girls who will be
potentially joining our chapter in the fall. They represent who we are
without the girls who are going through the recruitment process
knowing.

Currently we have pictures of them on our website that we can not
remove.  I have no idea why we can't get them down or how to even
begin to figure that out.  I was hoping since you are the department
chair of the computer science major that you could help me! Or at
least point me in the direction of where to get some help.  I know
this sounds like a strange request but I would really really really
appreciate some help!  I tried calling the geek squad but they do not
help with websites, and currently I have NO idea what to do next.
Thanks for taking the time to read this email!

> Kate xxxxxxxx
> Vice President of Membership
> Sigma Kappa Sorority
>
>

[scientiffikk]

What is wrong with "writing" an exam, or getting "marks"?

Ho-lee.  There is nothing wrong with the terms, but American students do not know those terms.  So using them with US students will in all likelyhood lead to misunderstandings.  That is not a judgement, just an observation.  Relax, eh. ;)

[cc_alan]

You don't write exams? What, you speak to the paper? How do you get the words on paper, then?

Magic.

And this time I read the other posts in the thread so I could find out what "write" and "marks" meant.

Context.

Alan

[profxfiles]

I had an exchange with a student a year ago that was hysterical.. (edited for space):
Wow, I have to say I am disappointed and not sure how my final grade sank so low.  could you please attach the individual scores/letter grades for each assignment throughout the semester.  all i can say is i must have really bombed the final and the term paper.
 thanks

I then send him his grades

Hmm, I acutally thought i wrote a pretty complete term paper.  that's pretty crappy you screwed me over so majorly

He would be wrong--it was a disaster. The paper was an opinionated, poorly researched, horrendously structured mess.  I tell him to watch his step, as his tone is rather insulting. I also point out to him that some level of decorum would be becoming and that I am not his friend, I am the course instructor.
His reply?

ProfessorXfiles,
 
In the same vein, i feel insulted that you gave my term paper such little credit; your grade is more of an insult and offense than anything.  It was a good paper-it stated facts and backed them up with supporting details-primary and secondary sources from newspapers, magazines, scholarly journals, and so on!  And as for the part where you say that "you are not my friend, you are my instructor," this is a malapropos proposal-since, on numerous occasions in class you came off as an amiable.  However, I do have a free speech inalienable Constitutional Right that I will exercise if I feel like it.  As a political scientist, professor, I can't even begin to understand how you can say that I should put a lid on it and not state my side of things since your entire discipline is based on expressive free speech!!!!!!!!!  Ya, have fun smokin' crack over the summer.
 
"Let us compare a horse-carriage with an aeroplane.  An aeroplane has many possibilities that an ordinary carriage does not have, but at the same an aeroplane can be used as an ordinary carriage.  It would be very clumsy and inconvenient and very expensive, but you can attach two horses to it and travel in an aeroplane by road.  Suppose the man who has this aeroplane does not know that it has an engine and can move by itself and suppose he learns about the engine-then he can dispense with the horses and use it as a motor car.  But it will still be too clumsy.  Suppose that the man studies this machine and discovers it can fly.  Certainly it will have many advantages which he missed when he used the aeroplane as a carriage.  This is what we are doing with ourselves; we use ourselves as a carriage, when we could fly."-P.D. Ouspensky

I have no idea what the point was of the quote... smoking too much crack, perhaps? In any case,  I told him the conversation was over and informed my chair, to which HE responded...

ProfessorXFiles,

As for your didactical and hubristic nature, well what can I say.  Might doesn't make right.  So, ya, you are a professor and I am a student-but we are both human and therefore, in my eyes, we are equals.  Go ahead and send that to the Chair.  Obviously, we see things on a galactically different scale!  But, like I said, we are and that's it.  You are no better than me.  Aren't you into buddhist philosophy.  Don't you know about Dipankara, the buddhist monk who knew that words and knowledge only get the self into trouble and strain their ability to see through illusion.


And now I give up. I simply refused to respond any further. My chair laughs himself silly and then tells me to ignore it, which I continue to do. This moron got himself bounced out of the program eventually, but I am sure he still thinks he is my equal...

[atalanta]

ProfXFiles! That was outrageously funny! I was cackling so loud that my office neighbor popped in to see what the trouble was. I showed him, and now he is showing your post to half the department! (Yes, we all seem to be here on Sunday, mostly grading exams.)

Thanks! I needed that (I'm in grading hell... why didn't I write set an easier exam?? It would be a lot less work to grade mark them if I could just write "100% Great job!" once in a while...)

[happybunny17]

This is my all time favourite. It's long, but well worth the read.  Trust me.  There is something poetic and clever about it, which makes up for its completely inappropriate confessional contents. I felt truly bad for the student and wanted to congratulate her for the great email, but I restrained myself. Where else can one find someone talking about "The Death of the Author" and "He's Just Not That into You" in the same sentence. The student is actually a talented poet. The email is fragmented, but has a great rhythm, I think. Enjoy!


I'm forced to say this weekend was the most heart breaking time I've lived
in a  while. I don't mean to bother anyone with my worries, and hope you
won't mind me telling, but I have been in love for 3 months with this guy I
met at the clinic via my surgery, and just realised what a fool i have been to
hold on to this love illusion. I've been trying to survive while reading
He's just not that into you, and reading the Death of the author only
reminded me of how suicidal this failure makes me feel. I feel like I've
been stabbed in the very center of my life, I'm sort of not there, under a
shell shock. This is stupid and surely the stupid best seller reminds me how
I don't have a right to react so badly because of a coward guy who filled me
with unfelt hopes for weeks, but confusion is deep and complex and I'm
trying to outlive the disappointment. I wouldn't be able to focus in class
today, which I hate because I don't want to have to pay much of a price for
my romanticism but cannot help feeling like a crappy Bridget Jones. I hope
you understand I'd rather have another excuse than a pathetic love
pain....but I usually think I'm an abstinent lesbian and therefore fall in
love very rarely, quite intensely. Too bad this isn't worth a penny in the
end. I'll be fit for next class, however depressing i find it to realise my
current state of mind. I'm just really trying to go on and not be too
dramatic about this, even if it's a mask because i feel destroyed.
I once wrote I thought i was written by Shakespeare. Now I am sure of it.
The taming of the shrew is never so far from my mind.
I'm ready to look a bit ridiculous with this email, but I think this is the
most authentic thing to do instead of pretending I am suited for public
appearance today.
At least I'm thinking that this lesson will keep me away from other
illusions of coup de foudre in my life again. Can one believe in curses?
I'm sorry things ended up this way. To be honnest, I'm trying the best I can
to keep my head straight and not let myself die of hunger.
This sucks would be a good conclusion.
Don't hesitate if you'd like to lecture me or penalize my attendance points
or you call always call me if you want to realise what sort of a s***ty mood
i am in.
I used to think that in May we may...let's revise this.
With my truest regrets,

[steviep]

My absolute favorite was this:

THIS IS LUDICROUS !!! !!!

On your last exam I got a 62/67, wich is a 94%.  That is an A by any standard But you gave me an A-!!  That meant that my overall course grade was a B+ instead of the A- that I deserved. This has ruined my grade point average and possibly even my med school apps! 

I DEMAND A REGRADE!
I DEMAND A REGRADE!
I DEMAND A REGRADE!

--

I'm prone to math flubs, so I was actually a bit worried.  It's obnoxious to get an email like this, but even more obnoxious if it's actually correct.

So I got out my calculator.  Turns out that 62/67 isn't 94%.  It's 92.5%.

That's an A- by most standards, including our department's.

I didn't reply, but I did giggle all the way home.

[helpful]

In most of Canada, 92.5 per cent is A plus.