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[rowan1]

Just got this one:

"Dear Prof Rowan;
I do not like the script approach used in the book.  So I did not do the assignment you gave.  This is how I have always do script and character work and I decided to turn it in instead.  Do you use the same method in acting 2?  I think you must not be familar with the approach we learned in High School.  It is much better.  You should study it.  You will find it is better."

Sigh...

[trentsands]

Years ago I got a panicked but incoherent email from a student who did not sign the message, and when I replied my email bounced back because her (his?) account was full.  All I knew was the students email handle: shortysexy.  So I turned it into a teachable moment, I told the story to every one of my classes and said "So, is Shortysexy in here?  Anyone?  You in the back with the beard--are you Shortysexy?"

No one ever fessed up.

Another student's email address was Blowitoutyourass147. Meaning there were already 146 people with that address when he went to sign up?

I'm quite certain shortysexy, a.k.a. Harry "Shorty" Sexy, is a student at KFC.

[zenprof]

Oh my, I think this one even beats LarryC's, the cake-taker til now...

Just got this one:

"Dear Prof Rowan;
I do not like the script approach used in the book.  So I did not do the assignment you gave.  This is how I have always do script and character work and I decided to turn it in instead.  Do you use the same method in acting 2?  I think you must not be familar with the approach we learned in High School.  It is much better.  You should study it.  You will find it is better."

Sigh...

[dr_evil]

I received an email not long ago from a student who asked if Uni1 would accept courses as transfer from some unnamed school.  Since I do NOT work for Uni1, why was this question directed to me?  (And no, no one needs to answer that.)

[anthroid]

I received an email last week from a student wanting to know just why I thought she should major in criminal justice.  I replied that I was afraid I couldn't answer her, as I had nothing to do with the criminal justice department, which was housed in a completely different college, building, and, just about, zip code than my frigging department.

But I do have to say that rowan's student has it won in the cojones department.  Jeepers is all I can say (sorry for the strong language).

PS  OK, OK, I didn't say "frigging" and I included a smiley face.  But still.

[smart_e_pantz]

Just got this one:

"Dear Prof Rowan;
I do not like the script approach used in the book.  So I did not do the assignment you gave.  This is how I have always do script and character work and I decided to turn it in instead.  Do you use the same method in acting 2?  I think you must not be familar with the approach we learned in High School.  It is much better.  You should study it.  You will find it is better."

Sigh...

Rowan... 

You do have to come back and tell us how this turned out!

[doublemocha]

This just in:

I have a question about the [assignment that is due on Friday, for which weekly reminders have been given and instructions available since the beginning of the semester].  What exactly what are we supposed to be doing??? Please let me know as soon as possible

GAH!

(FWIW, in response I told her to read the assignment description, pointed out that reminders have been given for the past month, and expressed my dismay at her asking me such a question at this late date.)

[rowan1]

I have to start by saying one of the things I enjoy about this forum is that it gives me a chance to realize that my students are not exceptionally challenging, difficult or strange – we all get ‘em.

That said, here is the update on the DLF (dear little Freshman) who sent the email.  I choose not to respond via email – nothing I could write would adequately convey my reaction with out starting a flame war.  Plus, some forms of ignorance are better met head on.

So we chatted after class this morning.  He is very upset that he will not get credit for the assignment he didn’t do, after all he did do something.  So we had a talk about the whole, you are in college thing.  Of course the method he was taught in High School (which, yes I am quiet familiar with, turns out his HS instructor was a classmate of mine in Grad school) is a simplified version of what I am teaching.  Both are based on the same acting theory (hello Stanislavsky).  Big difference is simple – go figure, but at the college level you are actually expected to do more work on script analysis and process and can not just make stuff up because it would be cool.

This lead to the second part of our discussion when I vetoed one of his choices because it was not supported by the script.

I did take the time to explain that every acting class he takes will introduce him to a variety of acting theories and styles, that is just how it works.  He may decide one style doesn’t work for him, but while he is in the class he has to use the approach being taught.  Turns out he didn’t really read through the text and since he wasn’t in class when I went through the script analysis discussion, he really was coming from a place of pure ignorance.

They are so young.  One thing I have noticed is while this would have had me completely freaked out a few years ago, now I just find it amusing. 

I remember when I knew everything.  I don’t remember thinking my instructors knew nothing though, except for that one guy.  And it turned out, he did know a lot, but was too drunk most of the time to convey it!

I am beginning to understand that option.

[avaya]

I just got one right now, at 9:55 p.m.

-------------
As you may know I'm an athlete here and I didn't do well on my first test. Depending on the second test is going to be whether or not I play this weekend. So I was wondering if you could finish grading my test by tomorrow and email myself or my coach, it would be greatly appreciated.
-------------

I have three choices:  answer it and say, "It's 10 p.m., too late" (nicer than that of course), ignore it, or actually grade it.  The third option sounds absurb but I am actually staying up late to grade these exams.  I don't know if I would have gotten to it but it really bugs me that she emails me so late asking me to do this.

[acrimone]

Email the student back at 10:30 a.m. tomorrow (or whenever you normally get into the office) and say that you've received the email and that the test will be graded by (xxxx).  If that happens to be in time, the student is more than welcome to come by your house or office to pick it up if it's really that important.

That's what I'd do, anyway.

[slac_vap]

Avaya,

I hate this too, as well as the last-minute question type email that vader_lock posted.  I tell students at the beginning of the semester that I typically respond to emails within 24 hours.  Most of the time it's actually fewer than 8 hours, because I am online a lot and usually answer them as soon as I get them.  But when I get an email like the one you received, I deliberately wait 23 hours and 59 minutes (-ish) to reply.  My reply is still prompt by any standard, just not ASAP.  Actually if the student's email actually contains the term ASAP, and does not include at least on "please" and one "thank you in advance" to offset that ASAP, my response time slows to 24 hours 1 minute :)

[pigletissima]

Fewer than 24 hours before the exam, a student e-mailed me to tell me that her computer was unable to read some of my Powerpoints on Blackboard and that "if you could put them all in a word file and email it to me that would be great thanks." Btw, she's talking about 20 ppts with 15-20 slides each. I suggested that she download and read them from a campus computer, which would have the latest versions of the software.

An hour after the exam, she shoots me a sort of message unlike any I've ever received before. (I know, I've been sheltered.) Like her previous day's request, it contained no salutation or anything, but it did consist of a diatribe about how she was "disappointed and angered" at the exam, especially after the time she put into studying for it, which was somewhat less than substantial if the previous day's e-mail was any indication. Anyhow, she told me she didn't finish the exam and "from comments overheard by other students" [sic], she was not at all alone. She advised me to take this problem into account as I grade and make up the final. This student is in a lecture, but doesn't she think I know who she is?

Anyhow, the other students rocked the exam, and I replied to the student that I appreciate her desire to do well. I invited her to come to my office hours to discuss her concerns. I can't wait.

[professicat]

Here's my favorite email (so far this academic year).

Hi,

I definitely read my schedule wrong and didn’t realize I had [your class] tomorrow morning.  I had already signed up to go sailing tomorrow with a few friends.  It’s the last chance of the season and I really don’t want to cancel on them.  Is there any chance I can talk with you sometime tomorrow about what I will miss?

Thanks,
Jane

What Jane doesn't mention in the email is that the class she wants to skip is the first class of the semester.

[avaya]

Thanks everyone for your replies about what to do about my athlete.  I actually was grading her paper anyway, and I decided to be nice and email her grade.  However, it wasn't good news - she failed.  On her last exam, I wrote a note saying that I would glad to help her for her next exam but she never contacted me or responded.  My guess is that she'll drop....

[merce]

My favorite story is v. similar to the OP's:

I taught a course fall semester, gave the exam mid-January. This was in Spain where students who fail in January are allowed to retest in June though the course isn't repeated in the Spring semester. Mid-June I receive an email from a girl saying she was in my English class that fall semester but had missed the exam, and actually every day of class, because she was currently living in Amsterdam and would be back in Spain soon. Could I meet with her to tell her what we covered and what would be on the exam.

Oh, why didn't I save the email! It was so, sooo, sooooo good.