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[zenprof]

...

But Miss Amanda is going to trash the hell out of your evaluations at the end of the semester!

I'll bet you're right. (Thank goodness for tenure.)

[drkamikaze]

I'm lecturing for the first time at a large, prestigious, public R1, and I am encountering clueless students in a way I never have after years of adjuncting at a much less prestigious state university.

Some sample emails from my "superior" students:

RE: the paper due this week (for my class that meets Tues/Thurs):
I am so sorry I didn't talk to you about this earlier, but I have yet to receive the essay topic for the mid term. I also don't know when it is due. I have been in a huge fiasco with the school pertaining to my enrollment/academic status. I ended up having to miss class last wednesday in order to fill out and submit some forms that had just come to my attention.

RE: a paper topic that requires the students to write about a television program:
Well, as I mentioned in the first assignment, I wrote a book. Its probably not the best book will ever read - considering grammatical errors and the informality, but I just wanted to share my story. I am still confused with what I identify myself as because someone told me that I shouldnt identify... [it goes on with details]
PS. QUESTION: Can I watch a movie and choose a scene instead of watching a
show for the paper?


After not replying to the first time the student sent this message, with a query letter to a publisher attached (as I have no idea what she wants me to do with this information), she sent it again, this time with the P.S. about a paper question.

By the way, this is an upper division course I am teaching.

[ptprof]

I've read these forums for quite a while, but this is the first topic to make me expend the energy to sign-up and post since the forums changed (I know, a very demanding task).

I could post pages on this topic, but here is my favorite from a freshman I had only meet once;

Hey Doc (my name spelled wrong)

needs a meeting with you advising next semester classes this week ASAP or whatever.  get back me now.


Of course, the email was unsigned and the address gave no hints of the students actual name.  The saddest part was when I meet with the young man, he was very surprised to hear that the email an issue.  He actual answer was along the lines of, "that's how I write emails".

[larryc]

I received an email last semester from one of my internet students that was unexceptional--except for the email address, which was hotty69er@somemailservice.com. The icky thing is that this student was a middle aged married guy with children. I think he accidentally emailed me from the account he uses to troll the internet for underaged sex partners or something.  I answered him as if nothing were amiss, except that I began my message "Dear Hotty69er."

[helpful]

"What is the minimum amount of pages required to get an outstanding mark on the assignment?"

As if the number of pages determine the mark! (and note the writer said "minimum"!)

[cynical]

Here's a true gem.  I do not include my name, but I do like the title of "professory."  I apologize for the length.

"Professory -------,
   First off I apologize for sending this reponse from a different e-mail than our previous corrospondence. The computer I found on campus does not allow me access to my yahoo account. I sent it to two of your e-mails and one of mine just incase there are any issues.
   Second, per your advise, I have looked at my paper and pre-writing to break it apart.
   Where do I think my paper is weak?
      First off the title did not fit the final version. Next I started to broad, in an attempt to appeal intrest, but it causes me to have to cover a lot of time too quickly. In the first paragraph I start making claims without sufficent support. In the second paragraph, I again make claims without supporting them. My thesis statement is a retelling of the main action with opinion rather than perhaps a specific argument. My third paragraph is two short and should either be eliminated, expanded upon or linked with the forth paragraph. The forth paragraph   I get distracted by unimportant details and do not reach back to the thesis for support. The fifth paragraph is too short and coninues on a plot breakdown with interpretations and opinions but not specifically arguing anything. The sixth paragraph end with a question instead of tying back to the thesis or connection to the seventh. The seventh paragraph I use terminology without specific explination and do not to indepth e
nough analysis of the text. In the last paragraph, I don't completely tie back to the thesis and bring up the first tale again without any previous preporation for the reader. The last sentence has two periods.
   What are its flaws?
          I don't have a strong foundation of an arguable thesis on which to build. So the paper goes from analysis to idea to opinion in a floppy, non-flowing manner.
   What would you change if you could?
          I would start over with a new thesis that would argue. One of the practice ones I had come up with in drafing but didn't use was "Little Red Riding Hood uses her womanly minipulation to seek and keep the wolfe's attention, in order to advance her sexual, emotional, and intellectual knowledge." I would e-mail seek advice on how arguable the thesis was and continue from there.
   Did I write in a rush?
          Yes.
   Did you try to have disciplined thoughts about the poem?
          Yes. I tried to have disciplined thoughts about the poem. I do well at breaking things apart and getting big concepts. Small concepts and putting pieces back together I struggle with. I found this poem absolutly fascenating. It spoke to me as no other poem, at least at that time in the first half of the book, did. I went back and re-read Little Red Riding Hood. This poem completely changed my view of the other version and the characters. I knew I wanted to break it apart and talk about it, but I struggled with coherently stating my intentions, observations, and  analysis. I also struggled with the thesis.

Overall, my paper did fail to do it's purpose. I failed to argue a coherent thesis that was both interesting and intellectual. I do feel there were good points that could have been more properlly connected. There was also some analysis that could be better with more specific explination.

Thank you for the opprotunity to re-read my own work and evalute it in a more critical way."

[doublemocha]

I received an email last semester from one of my internet students that was unexceptional--except for the email address, which was hotty69er@somemailservice.com. The icky thing is that this student was a middle aged married guy with children. I think he accidentally emailed me from the account he uses to troll the internet for underaged sex partners or something.  I answered him as if nothing were amiss, except that I began my message "Dear Hotty69er."

Larryc's post reminded me that last year one of my students--a high schooler in a dual enrollment program--sent me several emails that were clearly intended for his girlfriend. The first time it happened, I emailed him back with "I assume this message was not intended for me?" He was suitably horrified, but it didn't keep him from repeating his mistake several times over the course of two semesters.

[dr_stones]

"I missed class last week. when can i get a copy of oyur notes or do u have powerpoints? email would be best, but i guess i could drop and get copies from u later."

When pigs fly . . .

[helpful]

I consistenly get assignments from a student that refer to me by my last name (no "professor" or "doctor" or even my first name)!

[rattusdomesticus]

Oh, larryc, you had me laughing so hard I had to concentrate not to wet my university-provided seat! I once got e-mail messages from a student whose e-mail account was ballsychick032@aol.com. Surprisingly, students seem to have no idea that those hilarious names they choose, loaded with innuendo, are going to undermine their professional and academic careers. I hate to admit that I, too, did a lot of "thinking below the waist" as a youth... let's just hope I didn't allow that to be permanently recorded somewhere. Or posted online for empathy and amusement by my higher-ups.

[gennimom]

I guess I'm just too boring, then. Can't remember any amusing student emails, and my non-university email address is just my last name first name with no capitalization. It does however, get me a lot of spam telling me that I can enlarge my non-existent male body parts. I'm still trying to figure that one out.

[larryc]

Years ago I got a panicked but incoherent email from a student who did not sign the message, and when I replied my email bounced back because her (his?) account was full.  All I knew was the students email handle: shortysexy.  So I turned it into a teachable moment, I told the story to every one of my classes and said "So, is Shortysexy in here?  Anyone?  You in the back with the beard--are you Shortysexy?"

No one ever fessed up.

Another student's email address was Blowitoutyourass147. Meaning there were already 146 people with that address when he went to sign up?

[dr_beat]

I received this yesterday.  The irony is so rich if you look at it closely:

"I have recieved a letter in the mail about taking an english placement test. I took english 111 in (location and school) which is a english writing coarse."

[jkaron]

Some years ago, I received this email from a student:

"I'd like to kill you."  [Insert a smiley face like the one above.]

When I met with the student (these days, would I?), he said that he was just kidding--after all, didn't I see the smiley face?  I pointed out that the emoticon just kicked the creepiness level up a notch or two.  He seemed utterly mystified.

[jkaron]

And in a professional writing class, an international student always signed his emails with

"Love is suck, when thing go wrong."

There's some wisdom in this line, I suspect.  In any case, no one in the class seemed to have the heart to explain the difficulties in his formulation.