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[t_r_b]

Dear Professor, I saw that I lost points on the lab for questions I left blank. I thought they were rhetorical questions. Can I answer them now and get back the points?

Geonerd, are you going to add "none of these questions are rhetorical" to future assignment instructions?

Svenc, did you want me to answer that, or was it a rhetorical question?  :)
Incidentally, this is my fantasy response to the student's email as well. In reality I went with CQ's suggestion. Thanks CQ.

I swear my syllabus gets longer every year because of silly things like this.

Glad to be of service :)

A lot of times, they don't learn simple things like this in eighth grade anymore, and they really are grateful just to be told.

I can't tell you how many times I've been THANKED by both little snowflakes and students who are fully grown up grandparents for explaining the difference between a sentence and a sentence fragment.  It's both touching and disturbing.

How about,"None of the questions you are ever asked on an exam are rhetorical?"

Better yet, "are any of the questions I ask on exams rhetorical?"

[octoprof]

Dear Professor, I saw that I lost points on the lab for questions I left blank. I thought they were rhetorical questions. Can I answer them now and get back the points?

Geonerd, are you going to add "none of these questions are rhetorical" to future assignment instructions?

Svenc, did you want me to answer that, or was it a rhetorical question?  :)
Incidentally, this is my fantasy response to the student's email as well. In reality I went with CQ's suggestion. Thanks CQ.

I swear my syllabus gets longer every year because of silly things like this.

Glad to be of service :)

A lot of times, they don't learn simple things like this in eighth grade anymore, and they really are grateful just to be told.

I can't tell you how many times I've been THANKED by both little snowflakes and students who are fully grown up grandparents for explaining the difference between a sentence and a sentence fragment.  It's both touching and disturbing.

How about,"None of the questions you are ever asked on an exam are rhetorical?"

Better yet, "are any of the questions I ask on exams rhetorical?"

Are any of the questions anyone asks on an exam rhetorical?

[tee_bee]

Is she any relation to concerned_parent?

I think that English is a second language for CP. My Precious Little Twit didn't have that excuse.

Oh! And the best part? Throughout the rest of the term, she antagonistically questioned at least one thing I said in every class. When she bothered to show up, that is. Not surprisingly, she failed.

Nyuk nyuk nyuk. Oh, and neener neener neener, too. I love it when the brats pull this cr@p, and then get a big, juicy Eff. Some of our students do, indeed, need a check up from the neck up.

[mathofsorts]

It is 10:30 the night before the final - which is 7:30 in the morning:

"Prof.,

I just wanted to make sure that the exam tomorrow will be in our normal classroom. Can you please confirm this for me.

Thank You,
"

What to do, what to do?

[conjugate]

It is 10:30 the night before the final - which is 7:30 in the morning:

"Prof.,

I just wanted to make sure that the exam tomorrow will be in our normal classroom. Can you please confirm this for me.

Thank You,
"

What to do, what to do?

Well, probably it's best not to get too snappy.  "Dear Student:  See the syllabus, which contains the information you need."  Or, "The final exam will be at the time and place we discussed repeatedly during class.  Please check your notes, or if you were not there the last week, then check the notes that you no doubt copied from a student who was there, as you are the sort of conscientious student who would no doubt get the notes from another if you were unavoidably absent."

[notaprof]

It is 10:30 the night before the final - which is 7:30 in the morning:

"Prof.,

I just wanted to make sure that the exam tomorrow will be in our normal classroom. Can you please confirm this for me.

Thank You,
"

What to do, what to do?

Well, probably it's best not to get too snappy.  "Dear Student:  See the syllabus, which contains the information you need."  Or, "The final exam will be at the time and place we discussed repeatedly during class.  Please check your notes, or if you were not there the last week, then check the notes that you no doubt copied from a student who was there, as you are the sort of conscientious student who would no doubt get the notes from another if you were unavoidably absent."

It would be more fun to answer - "I can confirm that the exam is not in our regular classroom."  - at 7:29 AM tomorrow.  Then have an automatic "out of office" response message that says "I am giving a final exam and cannot respond to your message until the exam period has ended."

[assessment_lady]

Okay, again in a graduate level course...they have a research project due tomorrow which they have known about all semester.  It's in the syllabus, I've sent emails once per month reminding them about it, posted announcements and discussion board reminders, etc.  Over the course of the day I have received emails from 7 students asking me to look at their papers before they hand them in tomorrow.  Um, excuse me?  Like I have nothing better to do than sit here eagerly waiting for yet another student to email me and ask me to look at their paper?  Oh goody, another one came in less than 24 hours before it's due!  And then I received this:

"I have looked this over multiple times and do not understand how our data can give us anything but a mode.  Lots of stuff in here about how this student just can't understand how to run the analysis.  I must be missing an important element somewhere.  Please shed some light.  I would be glad to come to you if you think I need some together time."

Okay, seriously?  You've looked at it multiple times the day before it's due?  And when exactly are we going to spend some time together to go over it?  Maybe 3-4 weeks ago? 

[mayjohn]

I am finding the "can you please check my paper to make sure it is OK" emails very disturbing and they keep coming! Paper is due Friday.

Don't they get the notion of no pre-grading?
On the other hand, if I don't do it I will be creamed on evals about "not being helpful"...

John

[assessment_lady]

You know, it's not so much that I mind doing it.  It's just that I mind doing it when it's apparent that it's a rough draft and it's the night before the paper is due.  I'm putting a note in my syllabus next semester and announcing this: I will look at a finalized, edited, and revised version of your paper to provide you with guidance and feedback no later than 10 days before the paper is due.  If I receive it after 10 days before the due date, I will not have adequate time to evaluate your work.  So sorry 'bout ya!

[holyhush]

If I have to get sort-of-grade-grubbing emails, I want them all to be like this:

"Are you allowed to change a student's grade because of their awesomeness?? just wondering..."

It makes me sort of want to increase his grade.  For awesomeness, of course.

[alex51324]

Speaking of rhetorical questions on exams--

I teach comp, and I am required to give a final.  In addition to an in-class essay, I do a few "correct the errors in the following sentences" type things.  Since only using question marks when you've actually written a question is something today's college student needs to be explicitly taught, some of these test items have question marks at the end of them. 

These questions are always about something in no way related to the class content--it might be something like, "She wondered if penguins live in Africa?"  (The right answer, of course, would be to cross out the question mark and replace it with a period.)

You know where I'm going with this, right?  I always get back tests--not just one, usually several--where the student has tried to answer the question instead of correcting the sentence.  ("Yes."  "No?"  "I think they live at the north pole."  And so on.)

Somehow, to me, it's even funnier when they realize their mistake and cross out the answer. 

[sagit]

This email arrived yesterday with the attached paper:


I also forgot to ever email this to you, its my [analysis paper]! See you tomorrow!
 


Yeah, that was due OCTOBER 21.  Ah, no.

(The "also" refers to the email she sent the day before with another "forgotten" assignment.  Yeah, right.)

Assignments are due IN CLASS, not via email (though had I gotten it within a reasonable amount of time from the due date I would have accepted it).

[rowan1]

For some reason I find this especially disturbing

I would be glad to come to you if you think I need some together time."

together time?  ewww

[mayjohn]

You know, it's not so much that I mind doing it.  It's just that I mind doing it when it's apparent that it's a rough draft and it's the night before the paper is due.  I'm putting a note in my syllabus next semester and announcing this: I will look at a finalized, edited, and revised version of your paper to provide you with guidance and feedback no later than 10 days before the paper is due.  If I receive it after 10 days before the due date, I will not have adequate time to evaluate your work.  So sorry 'bout ya!

I am against pre-grading because I can not do it for everyone...

[grasshopper]

If I have to get sort-of-grade-grubbing emails, I want them all to be like this:

"Are you allowed to change a student's grade because of their awesomeness?? just wondering..."

It makes me sort of want to increase his grade.  For awesomeness, of course.

Sort of want to increase his grade? That would have me digging through attendance records and quizzes to find points. It's hilarious! I may have to add something to my standard syllabus to award extra points for both awesomeness and hilarity.