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[kohelet]

The first scenario is now in the Hall of Fame!

Woohoo--thanks!  My first.  :-)

[balancing_act]

This just in:
Balancing Act,

I was wondering why my discussion grade is so low. I never once 
missed a single class, unless you canceled. It's true that I'm not 
the most opinated and talkative person in the bunch, but I did speak 
up a couple of times.

Thanks,

Sleepy Snowflake

My response:

Dear Sleepy,

You got a low grade because you slept in almost every class, which in 
a discussion section means you weren't discussing much of anything. I 
know you came to all the classes, but attendance alone doesn't merit 
an A. A grade of a C is average, not poor.

Balancing Act



Her response:
Oops, sorry.



I gave her a C-. To be fair, she did speak some, particularly when I called on her as she was slumping over. Somehow, she managed to speak coherently and on topic.

[oseph]

This just in:
Balancing Act,

I was wondering why my discussion grade is so low. I never once 
missed a single class, unless you canceled. It's true that I'm not 
the most opinated and talkative person in the bunch, but I did speak 
up a couple of times.

Thanks,

Sleepy Snowflake

My response:

Dear Sleepy,

You got a low grade because you slept in almost every class, which in 
a discussion section means you weren't discussing much of anything. I 
know you came to all the classes, but attendance alone doesn't merit 
an A. A grade of a C is average, not poor.

Balancing Act



Her response:
Oops, sorry.



I gave her a C-. To be fair, she did speak some, particularly when I called on her as she was slumping over. Somehow, she managed to speak coherently and on topic.

My first semester as a freshman, I had an 8 am seminar of about ten people, in which we all were bleary-eyed zombies each class meeting.  I loved the course and probably was the most talkative person in the class, but I answered at least half of the professor's questions (I think fairly coherently) with my eyes totally shut.  I just couldn't keep them open, even though I was listening to him.  I did get an A in that class.

[geonerd]

Dear Professor, I saw that I lost points on the lab for questions I left blank. I thought they were rhetorical questions. Can I answer them now and get back the points?

Geonerd, are you going to add "none of these questions are rhetorical" to future assignment instructions?

Svenc, did you want me to answer that, or was it a rhetorical question?  :)
Incidentally, this is my fantasy response to the student's email as well. In reality I went with CQ's suggestion. Thanks CQ.

I swear my syllabus gets longer every year because of silly things like this.

[mountainguy]

Good email exchange...

For one of my courses, I decided that I wanted the students to write fairly difficult, comprehensive essays as a way of solidifying their knowledge about five very specific topics.  Since this is what I wanted them to get out of the end of the course, I gave them the essay questions ahead of time so they could prepare well.  I also gave them a sheet of grading criteria, which are pretty tough, given that they already have the questions.  They are supposed to come in and write the essays, no notes allowed, to prove to me that they have mastered these five topics, as well as essay writing skills.

Email last night, from the same student (power of positive thinking) who emailed me that she does "not plan on making a bad grade in this course."

SF:  "So how are we supposed to memorize the essay answers word-for-word and then rewrite them during the final?"

Me:  "You aren't.  You are supposed to memorize the evidence you are going to use, and also prepare ahead of time the strategies you want to take in answering the questions, and then you come in and write the essays in class."

SF:  "Well what's the point then in giving us the questions ahead of time?  Shouldn't I just be allowed to write them now and bring them to the final and turn them in rather than having to memorize all those words?"

Me:  "Since you object to the format so much, I am happy to give you an alternative exam consisting of 200 multiple choice questions."

Haven't heard back from the snowflake.  I'm tempted to give her the 'alternative' exam anyway, although I know she would raise hell.

So let me get this straight . . . she's complaining about essay questions that you gave in advance??? Good lord, what an entitled little twit. I'd have been tempted to have written back: "I'd be glad to give you other essay questions not appearing on the list I distributed. Best of luck!"

[mountainguy]

Geonerd, it's certainly not your fault, but I've noticed that students tend to ignore questions if they are clumped together in a row (for example, "What is the theory of X? How is it defined?"). I find that on assignments, I have to cue students to answer all questions or they will ignore the second part.

[cc_alan]

Dear Professor, I saw that I lost points on the lab for questions I left blank. I thought they were rhetorical questions. Can I answer them now and get back the points?

Geonerd, are you going to add "none of these questions are rhetorical" to future assignment instructions?

Svenc, did you want me to answer that, or was it a rhetorical question?  :)
Incidentally, this is my fantasy response to the student's email as well. In reality I went with CQ's suggestion. Thanks CQ.

I swear my syllabus gets longer every year because of silly things like this.

We added a statement to our lab syllabus about "yes/no" questions. As in there aren't any. Explanations must be provided. And still some students try to complain until we tell them to go back and read the syllabus. Not to mention that we make a big deal about it on the first day.

Alan

[cc_alan]

Two grade grubbing gems, first, the final reply after I had worn him down after the initial round of grade grubbing:

. . . I understand about my grade, but I just wanted to let you know that it is not an accurate reflection of my intelligence.

Yep, you know, grade inflation and all.

And, second, maybe this isn't so uncommon, but it's the first of its type that I've received:

Dr. Kif,
I worked my butt off on the paper, and I will honestly do ANYTHING it takes to get a C in the class.  I don't think you understand how desperate I am for a C.  I don't know where I went wrong on the final either...I thought I did so well???  I'll cook you breakfast, lunch, dinner, and serve it to you.  I mean...I'm pretty freaking desperate, obviously.  Please let me do something.  You name it...anything.
Thanks so much,
Pretty Little Snowflake Thang

Hmm.  My car does need washing.  And those leaves are piling up.

Someone (who?) posted a response-

1. Invent a time machine.

2. Go back and work your arse off this time.

Alan

[conjugate]

Dear Professor, I saw that I lost points on the lab for questions I left blank. I thought they were rhetorical questions. Can I answer them now and get back the points?

Geonerd, are you going to add "none of these questions are rhetorical" to future assignment instructions?

Svenc, did you want me to answer that, or was it a rhetorical question?  :)
Incidentally, this is my fantasy response to the student's email as well. In reality I went with CQ's suggestion. Thanks CQ.

I swear my syllabus gets longer every year because of silly things like this.

I might have responded with, "Yes, but you can only get rhetorical points back; those don't count towards your grade."

Of course, I've been called a jerk before.

[oseph]

Good email exchange...

For one of my courses, I decided that I wanted the students to write fairly difficult, comprehensive essays as a way of solidifying their knowledge about five very specific topics.  Since this is what I wanted them to get out of the end of the course, I gave them the essay questions ahead of time so they could prepare well.  I also gave them a sheet of grading criteria, which are pretty tough, given that they already have the questions.  They are supposed to come in and write the essays, no notes allowed, to prove to me that they have mastered these five topics, as well as essay writing skills.

Email last night, from the same student (power of positive thinking) who emailed me that she does "not plan on making a bad grade in this course."

SF:  "So how are we supposed to memorize the essay answers word-for-word and then rewrite them during the final?"

Me:  "You aren't.  You are supposed to memorize the evidence you are going to use, and also prepare ahead of time the strategies you want to take in answering the questions, and then you come in and write the essays in class."

SF:  "Well what's the point then in giving us the questions ahead of time?  Shouldn't I just be allowed to write them now and bring them to the final and turn them in rather than having to memorize all those words?"

Me:  "Since you object to the format so much, I am happy to give you an alternative exam consisting of 200 multiple choice questions."

Haven't heard back from the snowflake.  I'm tempted to give her the 'alternative' exam anyway, although I know she would raise hell.

So let me get this straight . . . she's complaining about essay questions that you gave in advance??? Good lord, what an entitled little twit. I'd have been tempted to have written back: "I'd be glad to give you other essay questions not appearing on the list I distributed. Best of luck!"

That's an idea.  Then she wouldn't feel compelled to memorize all those words.

[holyhush]

Good email exchange...

For one of my courses, I decided that I wanted the students to write fairly difficult, comprehensive essays as a way of solidifying their knowledge about five very specific topics.  Since this is what I wanted them to get out of the end of the course, I gave them the essay questions ahead of time so they could prepare well.  I also gave them a sheet of grading criteria, which are pretty tough, given that they already have the questions.  They are supposed to come in and write the essays, no notes allowed, to prove to me that they have mastered these five topics, as well as essay writing skills.

Email last night, from the same student (power of positive thinking) who emailed me that she does "not plan on making a bad grade in this course."

SF:  "So how are we supposed to memorize the essay answers word-for-word and then rewrite them during the final?"

Me:  "You aren't.  You are supposed to memorize the evidence you are going to use, and also prepare ahead of time the strategies you want to take in answering the questions, and then you come in and write the essays in class."

SF:  "Well what's the point then in giving us the questions ahead of time?  Shouldn't I just be allowed to write them now and bring them to the final and turn them in rather than having to memorize all those words?"

Me:  "Since you object to the format so much, I am happy to give you an alternative exam consisting of 200 multiple choice questions."

Haven't heard back from the snowflake.  I'm tempted to give her the 'alternative' exam anyway, although I know she would raise hell.

So let me get this straight . . . she's complaining about essay questions that you gave in advance??? Good lord, what an entitled little twit. I'd have been tempted to have written back: "I'd be glad to give you other essay questions not appearing on the list I distributed. Best of luck!"

That's an idea.  Then she wouldn't feel compelled to memorize all those words.

Watch out for this one.  A friend of mine gave out essay exam questions ahead of time and had a student memorize and reproduce a plagiarized essay.  So much more effort than actually...what's that called again?...oh, yeah...learning the material.

[scheherazade]

Good email exchange...

For one of my courses, I decided that I wanted the students to write fairly difficult, comprehensive essays as a way of solidifying their knowledge about five very specific topics.  Since this is what I wanted them to get out of the end of the course, I gave them the essay questions ahead of time so they could prepare well.  I also gave them a sheet of grading criteria, which are pretty tough, given that they already have the questions.  They are supposed to come in and write the essays, no notes allowed, to prove to me that they have mastered these five topics, as well as essay writing skills.

Email last night, from the same student (power of positive thinking) who emailed me that she does "not plan on making a bad grade in this course."

SF:  "So how are we supposed to memorize the essay answers word-for-word and then rewrite them during the final?"

Me:  "You aren't.  You are supposed to memorize the evidence you are going to use, and also prepare ahead of time the strategies you want to take in answering the questions, and then you come in and write the essays in class."

SF:  "Well what's the point then in giving us the questions ahead of time?  Shouldn't I just be allowed to write them now and bring them to the final and turn them in rather than having to memorize all those words?"

Me:  "Since you object to the format so much, I am happy to give you an alternative exam consisting of 200 multiple choice questions."

Haven't heard back from the snowflake.  I'm tempted to give her the 'alternative' exam anyway, although I know she would raise hell.

I had this kind of exam multiple times when I took AP American History in 11th grade.  I've looked back at it often as a really excellent way to learn the material--the teacher gave us about 8 questions and asked two of them on the test.  You either had to try to game the system and prepare less than the whole group (dumb idea), or be prepared to write about all of them. 

But those were the 20-miles-barefoot-through-the-snow-uphill-both-ways days, and times have changed in the last 29 years, apparently.

I gave this kind of exam to my high schoolers (none were AP) just a few years back.  It was a lot more work, but I got (usually) really thoughtful essays out of it.  Plus, it really cut off those parent grade complaints.

[mouseman]

Just got this:

"Hi i was lookn at the grades and my homework 5 is missing, i have it if u need it,
but i just wanna make sure it was recorded.

Thanks"

To which I replied:

"Dear Mr. Clueless,

I am your instructor.  Please use appropriate forms and grammar when contacting me or any other instructor.  Furthermore, there is a <Shift> key on the keyboard of your computer.  Please use it on all e-mail contacts with me in the future.  Could you please repeat your query in an appropriate manner.

Thank you,

Dr. Mouseman"

I'm waiting...

[mayjohn]

Just got this:

"Hi i was lookn at the grades and my homework 5 is missing, i have it if u need it,
but i just wanna make sure it was recorded.

Thanks"

To which I replied:

"Dear Mr. Clueless,

I am your instructor.  Please use appropriate forms and grammar when contacting me or any other instructor.  Furthermore, there is a <Shift> key on the keyboard of your computer.  Please use it on all e-mail contacts with me in the future.  Could you please repeat your query in an appropriate manner.

Thank you,

Dr. Mouseman"

prof. dude, i am just saying, if you need hw 5 and you can't sleep at night because i didnt bring it in,  I have it..

chillin'
ps: dont get what is your caps-lock issue....

[slac_vap]

This arrived in my inbox at 3:00 a.m. today:

Dear Slac,

I am writing concerning a project I am working on in my [senior-level course in an unrelated department].  I am creating a webpage that discusses how [issue that I deal with in my research] affects college students.  A friend of mine who has had you for class in the past told me you are an expert in that area.  I was hoping to interview you so that I could include a video on the website of you discussing [topic] in order to add some credibility to the site.  If possible I would like to conduct the interview tonight so that I will have time to complete the project before it is due on [tomorrow's date].  Please reply ASAP so I can finish my planning for the project.

Thanks,
Student I've Never Met Before