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[magistra]

Some schools forbid early finals, though.  I assume you know, but it's a thought.  Personally, I like this -- no whining how "Mom bought me a plane ticket!"  Like everyone else doesn't want to go home and party, too.

[anthroid]

What I have to wonder, MG, is why she's bringing this up now.  I mean, did your uni just last week publish the exam schedule?  Somehow I think not.  I think I'd probably act as police officer, actually.  Just because Snowflake is just now noticing that the exam is on This Day rather than That Day is too bad.

I'd be inclined to say "oh, it's too bad you'll miss your class final.  Good luck."  Again, had she made the arrangements way in advance, I wouldn't have an issue.  But she seems to me to be really taking advantage here.

And I'd misspell her name on the email turning her down.

:)

[geonerd]

My inbox runneth over today. These all came in today. They are presented in the order in which they were received, with some modifications to protect the clueless.

1. The Angry Narcissite

Dear Dr. Geonerd, I am VERY CONCERNED about the sudden amount of work that is announced at the last minute for this class. I am traveling to Siberia to fight tigers this week and will return home one day before our last class, at which point I will be dead on my feet. I am balancing school and my job, and I daresay noone else's job is as demanding as fighting tigers in Siberia. Yes, this assignment was mentioned once or twice before but it was not nearly clear that we had to do so much work....

and it continues along these lines for a few more paragraphs.  This "last minute" assignment has been on the syllabus since day 1 and we have been working on it in class throughout the semester, and exclusively on this assignment during the class period for the past several weeks. The actual amount of "work" that remains to be done is the act of emailing the file to me.

2. The Other Angry Narcissite

I will do the assignment as directed but I think the retribution stinks. I work hard and I have lots of things to prioritize, just as you are busy and you have to prioritize. I take my education very seriously...
and it continues along these lines for a few more paragraphs. This student is protesting my policy of requiring an extra assignment if they have more than 3 absences.

3.  File this under the WTF?

Dear Professor, I saw that I lost points on the lab for questions I left blank. I thought they were rhetorical questions. Can I answer them now and get back the points?

Sweet Student Who Marches to a Different Drummer

This really is a favorite email because the student is a sweet kid and I do believe him, but I swear I have no idea how to respond to this.


4. Best Impersonation of a Helicopter

Dear Professor,
This is Billy's mother. Does your department offer Introductory individualized basket weaving for geniuses during the winter term? (Note, we don't have a winter term)  Would Billy be eligible for doctoral credit for Introductory Basketweaving?  Thank you for your immediate reply.
Signed, Juan Epstein's Mother

I'm not sure what to do with this. It's a simple question and a simple answer. Mom is not asking for Billy's grades. However, should I try to verify that is person really is Billy's mom? It's not clear from the name or the email address who this person is. Should I attempt to convey the concept that Billy is an adult, at least according to the Federal Government if not anyone else.

I would rip the the cable out of the wall after all this, except then I couldn't share here.

[comp_queen]

3.  File this under the WTF?

Dear Professor, I saw that I lost points on the lab for questions I left blank. I thought they were rhetorical questions. Can I answer them now and get back the points?

Sweet Student Who Marches to a Different Drummer

This really is a favorite email because the student is a sweet kid and I do believe him, but I swear I have no idea how to respond to this.

Since you believe it's a serious question, offer a serious answer.

Dear SSWMtoDD,

This assignment has been graded and returned.  However, for future reference, if you're confused about which/whether questions need to be answered, what the directions on an assignment call for, and so on, you should always ask your professor WHILE WORKING on the assignment, not after the fact.  No question is too small, but we can't help unless questions are asked during the process.  Don't guess, and don't allow yourself to be confused.  Come see us during office hours; that's what we're there for!

Dr. Geonerd

[mended_drum]

In any case, even if it's a sham, if there's another section taking the same exam the day before, I'd have no problem letting the student take the exam with the earlier section.

I stopped doing this a few years ago when it became clear to me that students scored better on exams taken during the first few days of exam week.  I think that the entire section should face the same advantages and disadvantages with the schedule; I don't like that some students can move to an earlier time because it happens to work out for them, while the rest of the class can't do so.  And it doesn't help when the students start to try to negotiate all of their Thursday and Friday exams into earlier spots once one prof has let them do so.

[oseph]

Good email exchange...

For one of my courses, I decided that I wanted the students to write fairly difficult, comprehensive essays as a way of solidifying their knowledge about five very specific topics.  Since this is what I wanted them to get out of the end of the course, I gave them the essay questions ahead of time so they could prepare well.  I also gave them a sheet of grading criteria, which are pretty tough, given that they already have the questions.  They are supposed to come in and write the essays, no notes allowed, to prove to me that they have mastered these five topics, as well as essay writing skills.

Email last night, from the same student (power of positive thinking) who emailed me that she does "not plan on making a bad grade in this course."

SF:  "So how are we supposed to memorize the essay answers word-for-word and then rewrite them during the final?"

Me:  "You aren't.  You are supposed to memorize the evidence you are going to use, and also prepare ahead of time the strategies you want to take in answering the questions, and then you come in and write the essays in class."

SF:  "Well what's the point then in giving us the questions ahead of time?  Shouldn't I just be allowed to write them now and bring them to the final and turn them in rather than having to memorize all those words?"

Me:  "Since you object to the format so much, I am happy to give you an alternative exam consisting of 200 multiple choice questions."

Haven't heard back from the snowflake.  I'm tempted to give her the 'alternative' exam anyway, although I know she would raise hell.

[svenc]

Dear Professor, I saw that I lost points on the lab for questions I left blank. I thought they were rhetorical questions. Can I answer them now and get back the points?

Geonerd, are you going to add "none of these questions are rhetorical" to future assignment instructions?

[profxfiles]

Sounds like Papa Snowflake gets a standard FERPA response.

This is how I'd handle it.  And I wouldn't expect to hear from him again, either.  I predict he'll back off when he knows the score.

So, I sent the standard FERPA e-mail to Daddy Snowflake with a link to my web page so that he could download the assignment and see what was required. Daddy was less than happy with Junior:
Profxfiles--
Thank you so much for the quick follow-up on this matter. I looked at the assignment you sent me. Clearly Junior did not really explain to me how far behind he was on this project. I know you cannot discuss grades, but can you tell me what the university policy is regarding a student that fails out of school and needs to be re-admitted? Thank you,
Daddy Snowflake

I am guessing Junior is in a WORLD of hurt right now....

[llanfair]

Sounds like Papa Snowflake gets a standard FERPA response.

This is how I'd handle it.  And I wouldn't expect to hear from him again, either.  I predict he'll back off when he knows the score.

So, I sent the standard FERPA e-mail to Daddy Snowflake with a link to my web page so that he could download the assignment and see what was required. Daddy was less than happy with Junior:
Profxfiles--
Thank you so much for the quick follow-up on this matter. I looked at the assignment you sent me. Clearly Junior did not really explain to me how far behind he was on this project. I know you cannot discuss grades, but can you tell me what the university policy is regarding a student that fails out of school and needs to be re-admitted? Thank you,
Daddy Snowflake

I am guessing Junior is in a WORLD of hurt right now....

Brilliant.  Junior will be sorry he ever said a word to Daddy.

[kohelet]

Two grade grubbing gems, first, the final reply after I had worn him down after the initial round of grade grubbing:

. . . I understand about my grade, but I just wanted to let you know that it is not an accurate reflection of my intelligence.

Yep, you know, grade inflation and all.

And, second, maybe this isn't so uncommon, but it's the first of its type that I've received:

Dr. Kif,
I worked my butt off on the paper, and I will honestly do ANYTHING it takes to get a C in the class.  I don't think you understand how desperate I am for a C.  I don't know where I went wrong on the final either...I thought I did so well???  I'll cook you breakfast, lunch, dinner, and serve it to you.  I mean...I'm pretty freaking desperate, obviously.  Please let me do something.  You name it...anything.
Thanks so much,
Pretty Little Snowflake Thang

Hmm.  My car does need washing.  And those leaves are piling up.

[profxfiles]

My inbox runneth over today. These all came in today. They are presented in the order in which they were received, with some modifications to protect the clueless.

1. The Angry Narcissite

Dear Dr. Geonerd, I am VERY CONCERNED about the sudden amount of work that is announced at the last minute for this class. I am traveling to Siberia to fight tigers this week and will return home one day before our last class, at which point I will be dead on my feet. I am balancing school and my job, and I daresay noone else's job is as demanding as fighting tigers in Siberia. Yes, this assignment was mentioned once or twice before but it was not nearly clear that we had to do so much work....

and it continues along these lines for a few more paragraphs.  This "last minute" assignment has been on the syllabus since day 1 and we have been working on it in class throughout the semester, and exclusively on this assignment during the class period for the past several weeks. The actual amount of "work" that remains to be done is the act of emailing the file to me.

Do you know if the Narcissite has, in fact, been working on it in class? Perhaps this is a cover for hu's failure to get anything accomplished...

[titian]

...
And, second, maybe this isn't so uncommon, but it's the first of its type that I've received:

Dr. Kif,
I worked my butt off on the paper, and I will honestly do ANYTHING it takes to get a C in the class.  I don't think you understand how desperate I am for a C.  I don't know where I went wrong on the final either...I thought I did so well???  I'll cook you breakfast, lunch, dinner, and serve it to you.  I mean...I'm pretty freaking desperate, obviously.  Please let me do something.  You name it...anything.
Thanks so much,
Pretty Little Snowflake Thang

Hmm.  My car does need washing.  And those leaves are piling up.

I once had an offer from a student to change the oil in my car and rotate the tires, if I would just pass him. (He did work at a local garage.) I told him no, but that I would tutor him on a weekly basis in the office. He was very proud of the C he earned at the end of the semester.

Now maybe if he offered transmission work...

[concordancia]

Two grade grubbing gems, first, the final reply after I had worn him down after the initial round of grade grubbing:

. . . I understand about my grade, but I just wanted to let you know that it is not an accurate reflection of my intelligence.

Yep, you know, grade inflation and all.

And, second, maybe this isn't so uncommon, but it's the first of its type that I've received:

Dr. Kif,
I worked my butt off on the paper, and I will honestly do ANYTHING it takes to get a C in the class.  I don't think you understand how desperate I am for a C.  I don't know where I went wrong on the final either...I thought I did so well???  I'll cook you breakfast, lunch, dinner, and serve it to you.  I mean...I'm pretty freaking desperate, obviously.  Please let me do something.  You name it...anything.
Thanks so much,
Pretty Little Snowflake Thang

Hmm.  My car does need washing.  And those leaves are piling up.

This reminds me, although it was a face to face encounter, I will share it here. One student works in a restaurant where I had been and the guy I was dating at the beginning of the semester tends to hang out. She was surprised that I knew about it and after one class invited me to stop by. I pointed out that we had broken up and I probably wouldn't be going there anytime soon. The next person in line offered to beat him up for me for a better grade.

[aandsdean]

Good email exchange...

For one of my courses, I decided that I wanted the students to write fairly difficult, comprehensive essays as a way of solidifying their knowledge about five very specific topics.  Since this is what I wanted them to get out of the end of the course, I gave them the essay questions ahead of time so they could prepare well.  I also gave them a sheet of grading criteria, which are pretty tough, given that they already have the questions.  They are supposed to come in and write the essays, no notes allowed, to prove to me that they have mastered these five topics, as well as essay writing skills.

Email last night, from the same student (power of positive thinking) who emailed me that she does "not plan on making a bad grade in this course."

SF:  "So how are we supposed to memorize the essay answers word-for-word and then rewrite them during the final?"

Me:  "You aren't.  You are supposed to memorize the evidence you are going to use, and also prepare ahead of time the strategies you want to take in answering the questions, and then you come in and write the essays in class."

SF:  "Well what's the point then in giving us the questions ahead of time?  Shouldn't I just be allowed to write them now and bring them to the final and turn them in rather than having to memorize all those words?"

Me:  "Since you object to the format so much, I am happy to give you an alternative exam consisting of 200 multiple choice questions."

Haven't heard back from the snowflake.  I'm tempted to give her the 'alternative' exam anyway, although I know she would raise hell.

I had this kind of exam multiple times when I took AP American History in 11th grade.  I've looked back at it often as a really excellent way to learn the material--the teacher gave us about 8 questions and asked two of them on the test.  You either had to try to game the system and prepare less than the whole group (dumb idea), or be prepared to write about all of them. 

But those were the 20-miles-barefoot-through-the-snow-uphill-both-ways days, and times have changed in the last 29 years, apparently.

[comp_queen]

Two grade grubbing gems, first, the final reply after I had worn him down after the initial round of grade grubbing:

. . . I understand about my grade, but I just wanted to let you know that it is not an accurate reflection of my intelligence.

Yep, you know, grade inflation and all.

And, second, maybe this isn't so uncommon, but it's the first of its type that I've received:

Dr. Kif,
I worked my butt off on the paper, and I will honestly do ANYTHING it takes to get a C in the class.  I don't think you understand how desperate I am for a C.  I don't know where I went wrong on the final either...I thought I did so well???  I'll cook you breakfast, lunch, dinner, and serve it to you.  I mean...I'm pretty freaking desperate, obviously.  Please let me do something.  You name it...anything.
Thanks so much,
Pretty Little Snowflake Thang

Hmm.  My car does need washing.  And those leaves are piling up.

The first scenario is now in the Hall of Fame!