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[jonesey]

I received this gem on Wednesday:

Professor,

I wasn't sure if the essay was due today, or on Monday. I looked at our syllabus trying to see, and i understood it was for Today. I cant make it to class, i haven't been able to enjoy my spring break at that, because i've been a bit (not really a bit, actually alot), sick.

Today i can't make it in unfortunately, but even through my sickness, i'm just trying to get something into you because it stays on my mind if i don't turn it in.

I've attached a bit of what i had finished before I got sick, i really don't even know if its  enough but I really haven't been well. I'm hoping by next week i will be up and running again.

Thank you for your time,

Sick Student
***

I'm glad he battled through his sickness to turn in a (very, very poor) paper, via email.  It's such a shame that he wasn't able to enjoy his Spring Break, though.  Should I send chicken soup?  Medicine? 

Gosh, does his poor work reflect on his illness, or the fact that he's missed the past four class sessions?  Hmm...

[normative_]

I had a couple of doozies today. I bit their heads off and told them to come back when they'd actually followed my instructions.

Life is too short.

[mandywoetzel]

This exact pattern has become so much more common in the recent semesters. Although I have been using the same syllabus format for years, somehow more students today are "confused" about deadlines and are missing assignments.

Also, they are all doing me a favor by "making an effort" despite their sickness.

I miss the days when they just killed off their family members for missed deadlines/exams...

I wasn't sure if the essay was due today, or on Monday. I looked at our syllabus trying to see, and i understood it was for Today. I cant make it to class, i haven't been able to enjoy my spring break at that, because i've been a bit (not really a bit, actually alot), sick.

Today i can't make it in unfortunately, but even through my sickness, i'm just trying to get something into you because it stays on my mind if i don't turn it in.

I've attached a bit of what i had finished before I got sick, i really don't even know if its  enough but I really haven't been well. I'm hoping by next week i will be up and running again.

Thank you for your time,

Sick Student

[galactic_hedgehog]

Apparently by walking through the library after class today, I thwarted a student's email attempt.

There, sitting at a computer, was a student who should have been in class today.  She should have been in class Tuesday.  She should have taken the second test before Spring Break.  I walked up to her and, when she saw me, there was guilt all over her face. 

She said she was just about to email me.  Sure.  She said she "just got back" from out of state.  Sure.  She said she wasn't sure if she was going to drop the class.  Last day for that was yesterday. 

There's trouble ahead.  I'm Sure.

[not_a_gradstudent1]

Some background:
1. This email arrived Friday night; the exam is on Monday.
2. There are clearly-labeled weekly "study guides" (basically lists of key terms and concepts) posted on the class website, which I've mentioned in just about every class session.
3. I'm currently out of town and will be until the middle of the week (TA is administering the exam), which I've mentioned in probably the last 10 class sessions. Even with the athletics excuse, there's no way this guy legitimately missed that many days.

Dear Professor Last Name

I am writing with some concerns about the upcoming exam on Monday.  Due to participation on the [athletics team], I have missed an extreme amount of classes, especially over the course of the last three weeks. Anyways, my worry is that I have missed too much class to have a chance at being successful on the upcoming exam, and the [athletics team] absences are unavoidable.  I was wondering if you have time if you could shoot me an email over the weekend with particular topics from class sessions that I should be sure to look at for the test.  Ultimately, it would be ideal if we could meet in person but I have been on the road so much with [athletics team] and my schedule has conflicted with yours.  Is there anyway we could meet Monday to discuss issues on the exam, and I could maybe take it Tues. or Wed?  If not, I understand, because I have not done a very good job about communicating this issue to you.  I just would like to be able to go over some of the in class material with you that I was unable to obtain before the test. 

Sincerely,

Student

[songsofexperience]

I have a rule that if student athletes are going to miss more than 4 class sessions over the term they have to find another class to take. They can't be successful if they miss too many classes. Snowflake has a problem!

[octoprof]

Some background:
1. This email arrived Friday night; the exam is on Monday.
2. There are clearly-labeled weekly "study guides" (basically lists of key terms and concepts) posted on the class website, which I've mentioned in just about every class session.
3. I'm currently out of town and will be until the middle of the week (TA is administering the exam), which I've mentioned in probably the last 10 class sessions. Even with the athletics excuse, there's no way this guy legitimately missed that many days.

Dear Professor Last Name

I am writing with some concerns about the upcoming exam on Monday.  Due to participation on the [athletics team], I have missed an extreme amount of classes, especially over the course of the last three weeks. Anyways, my worry is that I have missed too much class to have a chance at being successful on the upcoming exam, and the [athletics team] absences are unavoidable.  I was wondering if you have time if you could shoot me an email over the weekend with particular topics from class sessions that I should be sure to look at for the test.  Ultimately, it would be ideal if we could meet in person but I have been on the road so much with [athletics team] and my schedule has conflicted with yours.  Is there anyway we could meet Monday to discuss issues on the exam, and I could maybe take it Tues. or Wed?  If not, I understand, because I have not done a very good job about communicating this issue to you.  I just would like to be able to go over some of the in class material with you that I was unable to obtain before the test. 

Sincerely,

Student

not_a_gradstudent1, don't the team members have to give you a team schedule with the days they are going to miss your class marked on it at the beginning of the semester?  That's what they have to do at my Uni.  Then, you know at the beginning what they are excused from and if they are going to miss exams and what not.

I am not impressed with Snowflake.

[geonerd]

Some background:
1. This email arrived Friday night; the exam is on Monday.
2. There are clearly-labeled weekly "study guides" (basically lists of key terms and concepts) posted on the class website, which I've mentioned in just about every class session.
3. I'm currently out of town and will be until the middle of the week (TA is administering the exam), which I've mentioned in probably the last 10 class sessions. Even with the athletics excuse, there's no way this guy legitimately missed that many days.

Dear Professor Last Name

I am writing with some concerns about the upcoming exam on Monday.  Due to participation on the [athletics team], I have missed an extreme amount of classes, especially over the course of the last three weeks. Anyways, my worry is that I have missed too much class to have a chance at being successful on the upcoming exam, and the [athletics team] absences are unavoidable.  I was wondering if you have time if you could shoot me an email over the weekend with particular topics from class sessions that I should be sure to look at for the test.  Ultimately, it would be ideal if we could meet in person but I have been on the road so much with [athletics team] and my schedule has conflicted with yours.  Is there anyway we could meet Monday to discuss issues on the exam, and I could maybe take it Tues. or Wed?  If not, I understand, because I have not done a very good job about communicating this issue to you.  I just would like to be able to go over some of the in class material with you that I was unable to obtain before the test. 

Sincerely,

Student

My fantasy response to this student would be:

Dear Student,
I suggest that you use the study guides posted on our class website as a guide to prepare for Monday's exam. To work towards a passing grade in this course, you cannot afford to continue skipping classes, particularly since you missed XX classes due to [athletics team] (*XX = number of days missed due to away games, which you can probably find on the athletic dpeartments website). When I return from my business travels I would be happy to meet with you and your coach to discuss the situation.

Professor Last Name

[hegemony]

I am sooo tired of students thinking they are entitled to an exception to the rules.  I have this statement on my syllabus:

"I’m sorry that I won’t be able to give make-up quizzes for any reason other than documented illness.   Check the dates of quizzes: if you are scheduled to attend a wedding or take a trip or otherwise miss class on those days, please factor in that you will not be able to make up that quiz when deciding whether to enroll in this course."

So as soon as I announce this, I get five students asking me for an exception.  One is just going on a trip for an unspecified reason, one is going to his grandfather's 84th birthday party, one is going home to see her mom for a "break," and so forth.  If there were real emergencies here, I'd make up a separate quiz.  But I have 80 students in this class.  I can't be making up a separate quiz and administering it at some different time (or ten different times for ten different students).  Rant, rant.  Anyway, I turned down the latest supplicant and got this e-mail:

"After finding out that I will not be able to make up the quiz on April 17, due to my absence, I am a little concerned. Seeing that you mentioned five other people would be absent that day and shared my same concern, I urge you to set a single make up date for the other students and me. I feel like I am at a disposition even though I informed you of my absence three weeks in advance."

What about "No" doesn't he understand?  As if the fact that I'd have to make an exception for lots of other students is more reason to make an exception!  As if I should recognize that giving a quiz during the term is an imposition and I really ought to make up for being so unfairly demanding.

Rant, rant.

[octoprof]

I am sooo tired of students thinking they are entitled to an exception to the rules.  I have this statement on my syllabus:

"I’m sorry that I won’t be able to give make-up quizzes for any reason other than documented illness.   Check the dates of quizzes: if you are scheduled to attend a wedding or take a trip or otherwise miss class on those days, please factor in that you will not be able to make up that quiz when deciding whether to enroll in this course."

So as soon as I announce this, I get five students asking me for an exception.  One is just going on a trip for an unspecified reason, one is going to his grandfather's 84th birthday party, one is going home to see her mom for a "break," and so forth.  If there were real emergencies here, I'd make up a separate quiz.  But I have 80 students in this class.  I can't be making up a separate quiz and administering it at some different time (or ten different times for ten different students).  Rant, rant.  Anyway, I turned down the latest supplicant and got this e-mail:

"After finding out that I will not be able to make up the quiz on April 17, due to my absence, I am a little concerned. Seeing that you mentioned five other people would be absent that day and shared my same concern, I urge you to set a single make up date for the other students and me. I feel like I am at a disposition even though I informed you of my absence three weeks in advance."

What about "No" doesn't he understand?  As if the fact that I'd have to make an exception for lots of other students is more reason to make an exception!  As if I should recognize that giving a quiz during the term is an imposition and I really ought to make up for being so unfairly demanding.

Rant, rant.

Is it too rude to say,"Do you understand the meaning of the word 'no'?"?

[gennimom]

Can you just tell them, "Life doesn't allow makeups."

[yemaya]

I am sooo tired of students thinking they are entitled to an exception to the rules.

I have one of those.  She had a death in the family the second week of the semester.  I could understand a few absences, but she's missed about 4 weeks worth of class and failed to turn in about a dozen small assignments.  The class had a paper due this past week.  She cornered me right before the class in which it was due saying that her computer died, so she didn't have her paper.  She explained that she had emailed her paper to her mother and was going to have her mother email it back to her the next day so that she could turn it in to me.  Apparently, she's forgetting that there are three problems with that argument: 1.) If she could manage to email her paper to her mom, she clearly had access to another computer, 2.) she could have used the student computer cluster in the library to finish her paper, as several students do and 3.) I take papers via email, so if she was able to email her paper to her mother, she could certainly have emailed it to me.  All of my students get a single one-time 24-hour extension and she still had hers.  I told her that she could use it, but that it had to be in via email no later than 24-hours after the due date.  It's been almost 2 days since the extension expired and still no paper.  They've known about this paper since January. I'm sympathetic to the grandparent death, but if a student is in such rough shape that they're having this much difficulty getting their act together, it's time to consider a late withdrawl.   And she wants me to ignore a pretty serious pattern of late and unsubmitted work and accept a string of undocumented excuses and let her submit work whenever she gets around to it.

[thesaurus_rex]

My second request is a bit harder to ask. There is a male in a wheel chair that sits in the back of the class room. I do not know what he has nor is it my place at all to know, but I have noticed several times that he has behaved in a way similar to someone experiencing a seizure. I am a certified first responder and I worry that if he actually does at some point in the remainder of the semester, knock on wood, suffer from something serious, no one would say anything out of fear they were embarrassing him for no reason. Therefore, I ask that you please just keep an eye on him every once in a while because I would feel really bad if no one acted in an emergency situation thinking it was part of his regular symptoms. I do not expect you to respond to this second half of the email as I acknowledge there are likely confidentiality policies but I just want to make sure everyone is safe.
Anyway, thank you for your time.

Have a good weekend,
Concerned Student

I did not and will not reply to this email. I am truly baffled by this email. While I suppose that the student's concern for a classmate's well being is admirable, why on earth does this student take it upon himself/herself to "make sure everyone is safe"?? Why even e-mail a professor with such a request? Does concerned student really think that I am unaware of the disabled student's condition and have not coordinated accomodations with the disability services office? Has concerned student not noticed that the Head TA for the course always sits in the same row as the disabled student?

I actually think the email sounds like the work of a pretty sweet kid.  As other people pointed out, hu probably doesn't know about disability services and so on; I would add to that that hu probably does not have any idea how much you see/notice during class, and so doesn't mean to insult you by implying you're unaware.  Students feel confident of their invisibility during class, for some reason.

In other news, a great email I got from a student the other day:

I hope I do better on the paper I turned in today. I was quite
 disappointed in my grade on the first one.

That was the whole email.  Veiled threat?  Clueless attempt to beg for better grade on paper #2?  I felt like writing back "I was disappointed in your first paper as well.  I hope this one isn't as badly written."

Note, too, hu isn't disappointed with hu's work on the first paper -- just with the grade it received.

[llanfair]

Sort of a student email:

Essays due at beginning of class last night, 7:00 pm.  I get home with heap of essays at 9:15 pm, open work email.  Find email from student, sent at 6:55 pm, with "paper" in subject line, and an attachment.  Ever optimistic (this guy didn't hand in the only other writing assignment for this course), I open the attachment ... which turns out to be, in its entirety, his cover page.  No essay - and no reply to my email requesting the rest before midnight, or it'd be subject to a late penalty.  Which was already a stretch, since it was due 5 hours earlier.

?? Did he think I wouldn't notice the utter lack of an essay? Is this a gambit I've never seen before?

Has he followed up with this yet?

Dear Dr. Llanfair

My sincerest apologies. I accidentally attached the wrong file when I emailed you last night. Unfortunately, I have just now logged into my email and seen your message. Many thanks for bringing this to my attention and I hope you will be kind enough to accept my work without a late penalty.

Sincerely,
Very hopeful student

Not yet.  My husband (retired prof) figures this lad was hoping I wouldn't open the email till days from now, by which time he'd have something written.  Poor deluded lamb.

[cc_alan]

I am sooo tired of students thinking they are entitled to an exception to the rules.

I have one of those.  She had a death in the family the second week of the semester.  I could understand a few absences, but she's missed about 4 weeks worth of class and failed to turn in about a dozen small assignments.  The class had a paper due this past week.  She cornered me right before the class in which it was due saying that her computer died, so she didn't have her paper.  She explained that she had emailed her paper to her mother and was going to have her mother email it back to her the next day so that she could turn it in to me.  Apparently, she's forgetting that there are three problems with that argument: 1.) If she could manage to email her paper to her mom, she clearly had access to another computer, 2.) she could have used the student computer cluster in the library to finish her paper, as several students do and 3.) I take papers via email, so if she was able to email her paper to her mother, she could certainly have emailed it to me.  All of my students get a single one-time 24-hour extension and she still had hers.  I told her that she could use it, but that it had to be in via email no later than 24-hours after the due date.  It's been almost 2 days since the extension expired and still no paper.  They've known about this paper since January. I'm sympathetic to the grandparent death, but if a student is in such rough shape that they're having this much difficulty getting their act together, it's time to consider a late withdrawl.   And she wants me to ignore a pretty serious pattern of late and unsubmitted work and accept a string of undocumented excuses and let her submit work whenever she gets around to it.

I think some people want to be told to quit since this transfers the responsibility from the student to the professor. I'm not suggesting that you tell the student to quit since I believe students should make that decision on their own.

While I have had a few students over the years who I have told that it was mathematically impossible to pass the class at that point, I have had far more students who ask me "what do you think?" which ends up with me telling them that it doesn't matter what I "think" and then a frank discussion of their grades and what need to happen for them to pass.

Alan